Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Parental Debates/McDonald's Is For Hipsters

I’m sitting in my parents’ house in my new polar fleece jacket as I type this. My parents just finished having a debate over whether the mailman picks up the mail at 5pm- as indicated on the mailbox- or a few minutes after 5pm- as is bound to happen sometimes. There was no resolution in the end. My dad held firm to his belief that the mailman always emptied the mailbox at the adverstised time. My mom stormed out the door, determined to get a few letters off before the final pickup. I would have mailed the letters for her myself, but it was more convenient for me to side with my dad and instead offer to mail the letters when I step out later so they get picked up first thing in the morning. I’m not necessarily a helpful son (though I did shovel the front walk this morning), but I would like to think I’m lovable for other reasons.

Shortly after the debate over mailbox emptying times, my parents began to argue over whether a certain frozen food item (soup, I believe) was Japanese or Jewish. The confusion arose when my mother incorrectly pronounced the brand name, making it sound very Japanese. In the end however, it was decided that the frozen food item in question was in fact Jewish. I do not mean to say that the frozen food item in fact practices Judaism, just that it is Jewish in the same way gefilte fish is Jewish. As far as I know, frozen foods are for the most part agnostic with regard to their religious beliefs.

In other news, earlier today I was thumbing through the most recent issue of Time magazine and spotted an ad for McDonald’s that seems to be aimed at people who shop entirely at Urban Outfitters. Seated together on a retro couch in the ad are a black guy with short dreads, a white guy who looks like he has a Wilco fansite, and some girl who looks like Parker Posey with a bad perm. Big white letters that spell out “Mc” stand in front them like some piece of modern art they picked up cheap and are really psyched about. I imagine they push the big white letters against the wall when they throw one of their raging parties, but for now the big “Mc” is front and center and they are totally cool with it.

The copy at the bottom of the McDonalds’s ad says something about how McDonald’s is really delicious and “cool” and brings people together for good times. Between that and the three cool people on the couch in the ad, one can’t help but come to the conclusion that eating McDonald’s will most likely get you laid, invited to happening parties, and then laid again. You might have to listen to Franz Ferdinand or some other band that sounds just like them a whole bunch while you’re at it, but it will be totally worth it considering all the action you will be getting.

The weirdest thing about the McDonald’s ad featuring the happening young people is that for whatever reason there is no mention of the 300 lb. guy in sweatpants who smokes Marlboro Reds while eating a Big Mac value meal. This is the guy that’s kept McDonald’s in business all these years. If they’re not careful, they’re gonna lose him.

Dave Hill


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