Eating The Fuck Out Of Some Dumplings

Last night, after hanging out with a friend in the Big City, I wandered south past where I was gonna get on the subway and drifted towards Chinatown, one of my favorite places in the city given my fantasy of getting in a martial arts battle with a Chinese street gang. That didn’t happen last night, but I had a pretty good time anyway. I ended up stopping off at the Dumpling House on Eldridge Street, where you can get awesome food at prices so cheap you think something might be horribly wrong (But it’s so not wrong it’s not even fucking funny). I got a ten-pack of steamed dumplings (pork and chive I think) for two bucks and then a sandwich with a giant sesame pancake as the bread with beef and stuff in the middle for $1.50. I probably would have been just fine with just one of those two items, but since the food was so cheap and also I am a big old fat person, I decided to just throw down like a motherfucker.

I started in on the sesame pancake w/beef sandwich first and it was pretty good. It was kind of like a traditional Vietnamese sandwich only without the French influence and not as good. Still, at just $1.50, I was loving it like a motherfucker.

After I finished that, I started tearing into the dumplings, which were awesome. I probably could have stopped after just a couple dumplings but then I was all like “What am I going to do with the rest of these things?” They didn’t seem like they would make for good leftovers and- since I had already covered them in hot sauce- I figured they weren’t safe to give to a homeless person or something (If you’re gonna eat like I do, you need constant restroom access I figure). Throwing them out wasn’t an option either so I decided to just power through and eat the fuck out of those things. I felt dirty and disgusting by the end of it all but it was still pretty awesome.

Anyway, if you find yourself on Eldridge Street south of Delancey, you should check that shit out. Also, my friend Patrick, the Gay Icon, bartends across the street at Fontana’s. Why not make a night of it?

Dave Hill