I Totally Have Cable Television

It is a Saturday afternoon and I finally have cable television. As you can probably imagine, I am pretty excited about it. I can’t wait to watch all those programs. Right now there is a show on the popular E! channel about rock star wives. If you’ve ever wondered how Tommy Shaw (the guitar player for Styx and Damn Yankees) and his wife keep it together, this is pretty much the show for you. I’m also glad to see that Vince Neil from Motley Crue finally found the right girl in wife #4. Guess who is starting to believe in love? This guy! I am pointing to myself right now in case you are wondering.

Okay, I just changed the channel. Now I’m seeing what all the fuss is about with the popular show “According to Jim.” Channel 11 on my Time Warner cable just happens to be serving up a heaping helping of L-A-F-F-S courtesy of Jim Belushi and that one girl who used to be on “Melrose Place.” I am totally getting it.

Now I am watching “The Panic Room” starring Hollywood’s Jodi Foster. As hinted at in the title, there is a room in this movie where Jodi Foster goes when she or any of her family members are in a panic. The room is bigger than my whole apartment. New York City- am I right or am I right? There is a kid who looks kind of like Macaulay Culkin in the movie too but it’s not him. I am curious as to how Macaulay would have handled this one (aside from adorably that is).

On channel 2 there is horse racing. Look at those fellas go. I’ve been to a couple horse races in real life and I have to say the excitement level is about the same whether you’re watching it at the track or here in my apartment where I’m not wearing pants. I am about to place a two dollar bet with myself, which I am just now realizing sounds like a euphemism.

Okay, now “According to Jim” is over and I’m watching “Friends,” the popular show on which Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry, David Schwimmer, and Matt LeBlanc are all friends and live in New York City, the same town in which I live. Sometimes I like to pretend that I am their neighbor only I have stuff to do and can’t come over right now. Ross and I seem to get along the best.

Dave Hill