The Legless Masturbator And Other Topics

A lot of times in life you think you’ll never see a legless man sitting on the sidewalk and masturbating and then it totally happens and then you’re all like “Oh.” At least that’s how it happened with me anyway. I was walking down West 12th Street in the scenic West Village with a friend a couple days ago when we happened upon a legless man sitting on the sidewalk next to his wheelchair. There seemed to be a bit of activity going on in his lap that we at first dismissed as definitely not jerking off. Then as we got closer and I was able to really get a good look at things and it became clear that he did in fact have his donger out and was really going to town. We quickened our pace as we passed him so as to avoid getting spackled on the ankles, but- nearly getting jizzed on aside- we were generally excited to see that- dammit- this town is BACK!

The above incident actually marks the second time I’ve seen someone masturbating in public here in the Big City. It really never gets old either. The other time was about four years ago while I was waiting in line to see my friend Mike perform at the Marquee on the Bowery. A man was leaving the bar below it and decided to just whip it out in broad daylight and have at it. It’s not something I would do myself (But don’t we all say that?), but there is something about the “can do” attitude of it all that I just can’t help but admire. The terrorists might be able to fly planes into our buildings, but they can’t keep us from livin’!

In other news, on Friday I saw the hit movie “Ratatouille” and really dug it despite my generally dark world view. I have been fighting the 3-D computer animation style for a long time (since the ‘90’s), but I finally gave in and I have to admit it’s pretty amazing what those computer folks can do. I did like how the end credits were done in more traditional-looking animation though. It was almost like they decided to throw me a bone or something.

Now- to help you get your Monday off to a fabulous start- I leave you with this pretty great video from Motorhead, one of the best bands ever. Whatever you do in life, if you just take a moment to approach things like you are in Motorhead you’ll be much better off. They are really onto something.

Dave Hill