Totally Gay

Yesterday was the Gay Pride parade here in New York City. I tend to think parades in general are kind of gay, but this one was, like, seriously gay. And since I live in the West Village, a totally gay neighborhood, I was pretty much at ground zero as far as the gayness was concerned. Everywhere I looked there were gays being totally gay with each other and a lot of the non-gays who were checking out all the gay action that was taking place. It was a lot of fun for gays and non-gays alike, including me- a guy who is so totally not gay that it’s not even fucking funny.

To be honest, I missed most of the totally gay festivities myself because I was in my apartment doing stuff (which, for an apartment belonging to a non-gay, is actually pretty gay the more I think about it), but towards the end of the day I decided to step out and take in some of the gayness that people were breaking out without even trying. There were gay men, gay women, gay men dressed as straight women (my favorite was a big dude who was wearing a simple denim skirt and black tank top. He looked like someone’s friend from work who came in on the PATH train for happy hour and was also named Jan. It was a nice choice), gay women who looked kind of like suburban dudes who hang out at sports bars and stuff, and even a few gay dogs totally hanging out and being really gay. One second I’d be looking at some gay guy being all gay and I’d be all like “Dude, that is so gay” and then the next thing I know I’d see some other gay guy acting even gayer and I’d be all like “Oh wait, now that is totally the gayest thing I have ever seen.” Then I’d turn the corner and see someone else being even gayer than that really gay guy and the whole thing would start all over again. It was pretty awesome. And really, really gay.

One of my favorite things about the Pride Parade is the fact that there are cops in full uniform everywhere. I wonder if the irony is lost on them that they’re uniforms are, like, totally gay. I saw a bunch of them standing on a corner and I wanted to ask them which float they rode on but then I decided against it.

The only bad thing about the parade this year was that I never got a chance to catch up with Dykes on Bikes. Those chicks rule. And a lot of them ride around topless, which is awesome. We could all learn a little something from the Dykes on Bikes. I totally want one of them to make me their bitch or something.

Anyway, now it is Monday and this town is settling back down into standard gayness, which is still pretty gay but not nearly as gay as it was yesterday, the gayest day ever. There’s a part of me that wishes the Pride Parade were every day. It keeps things fun if you ask me. And I do love a parade. I guess I'll just have to wait until next year.

Dave Hill