Futuristic Ideas From The Future

Over the years, I have come up with a number of futuristic and largely stupid ideas, usually under the influence alcohol, boredom, or some combination of both. Back in about 1991 (friends can back me up on this because I wouldn’t shut up about it most nights), I had an idea for a business called “Rent-a-pup,” which- as the name suggests- would be a dog rental service. I had it all figured out- you could rent different dogs at different prices. For example, you could get two Terriers for the price of one Golden Retriever, hourly rates with discounts on 24-hour rentals, mutts priced to move, etc. Everyone laughed at me and my idea, including me since I was (pretty much) kidding. And then it happened- someone actually opened a business just like the one I was describing. And, of course, it happened in Japan, since they are way ahead of us over there. And now, all these years later, dog rental businesses are opening here in the states, like this one, for example. Needless to say, I am both kicking myself and patting myself on the back for- at least in my mind anyway- coming up with the idea first (and doing absolutely nothing about it).

This morning, I discovered another one of my breakthrough ideas come to fruition. Years ago- probably even back in the ‘80s- I would tell anyone who would listen (not many people, as I was young and- according to some- weird) about my idea for bottled tap water, so people could have tap water from whatever city they’d like whenever they want. This morning in the grocery store I saw a product called TAP NY, which- according to the label was purified New York City tap water, something I found slightly confusing as- up until this point- I had been under the impression that New York City tap water was already purified New York City tap water. I can’t find their website, but I swear this product exists and I am not drunk yet today.

Anyway, my point is this- I am from the future. Well, no, not really. But I am happy to take credit for coming up with really dumb ideas (though- to be fair- the dog rental thing, while cruel in some and/or many ways, is kind of brilliant), way ahead of everyone else. Then again, I’m sure somewhere some kid is telling his friends about an idea he has for edible staplers or something and is thinking the exact same thing about himself. Hey, maybe we’re not so different after all.

In other news, I went to pick up some dry cleaning this morning and- as usual- was delighted to be called “Davis” by the people who run the store. When I first started going there, they somehow got my name wrong. I am guessing I was either mumbling or perhaps I introduced myself using the awkward and possibly English-as-a-second-language sentence structure “Dave is my name.” Anyway, the name stuck and I kind of like it better than my real name, so I have never corrected them. This way, whenever I remove the little pink tags they put on freshly dry-cleaned shirts and stuff, I get a little tickled seeing my new nickname. It’s the little things in life.

Okay, I am off to rent an irritable Rottweiller, priced to move. Or maybe I will just stick my head in the oven (Do people still do that? Not sure if it works with an electric stove).

Dave Hill