Shaving The Fuck Out Of My Motherfucking Face

In keeping with my penchant for writing about products of late, I just wanted to point out that I am still staying at my friend Matt’s house and have just finished using one of his fancy new razors to shave the fuck out of my face. The razor I used to make it all happen was not unlike the razor the guy in the photo above is holding only the handle is black instead of silver. It did have that fluorescent green color all over it though, which leads me to believe that it is either extreme or specifically tailored for people with on-the-go lifestyles or something.

Anyway, I got the party started first by taking Matt’s electric trimmer and cleaning up my sideburns a bit. They had been getting a bit fierce of late so I need to rein them in a bit, especially with this heat and all. Once I had that situation under control and rubbed some soap suds on my face (couldn’t find Matt’s shaving cream. Dammit) and then I just started shaving the fuck out of my face, whipping that crazy black and green razor all over the place. Now I have such a close shave that motherfuckers don’t even know what to say about that shit. Also, I made my sideburns about an inch shorter, which makes my face look either fatter or thinner. I can’t tell which just yet. Maybe I’ll just let the people decide.

Okay, well that pretty much covers it for me at this point. I haven’t showered in two days and smell like I haven’t showered in a couple weeks, so I’m thinking of tackling that situation next. I’ll let you know how it goes. Should be a scorcher.

Dave Hill