Looking Sweet In Miami

It is day two of my Miami invasion and things are really picking up for me. Today I acheived one of my longtime goals of getting a spray-on tan, just like Paris Hilton gets. In fact, the lady that did my spray-on tan does Paris when she is in Miami (I am not lying about this), so needless to say my spray-on tan is pretty fucking sweet. Then again, you have eyes and you can totally see from the photo above that my new spray-on tan is pretty incredible. I’m not sure why I’m all shiny but I’m guessing the glare might cut back once I take a shower or something.

In the interest of half-full disclosure, I got the spray-tan for an exciting television thing I am shooting down here in scenic Miami this week. Don’t worry, I will explain it all in full detail at a later date. The tan only covers certain areas of my body, which really adds to the fun. I’m not sure why Paris and all the other people who get spray-on tans don’t do this too, but whatever- they don’t rule the fuck out of everything like I do so I can’t expect them to be down with all the same shit I am.

Aside from getting sweet spray-on tans and whatnot, I have mostly been walking around and eating today. Tonight, my partners in crime and I ate at a place called the Blue Door, which is located in the Delano Hotel, which is across the street from the place we’re totally staying. It was pretty delicious- I had some crazy mushroom and taro ravioli, some pork loin of some sort, and some cheesecake. Generally I prefer my food to come in big piles or- better yet- a trough, but this fancy stuff did me right anyway. I keep seeing signs around Miami for a sandwich called the Midnight Sandwich (or bocadillo de medianoche as our Spanish-speaking friends like to say) and I am determined to eat the fuck out of one of those things before I leave. I will keep you posted on this and other topics in the very near future. Until then, I will be doing my damndest to get spray-on tan stains out of pretty much everything in my hotel room.

Dave Hill