Pretty Much Ruling The F*ck Out Of Las Vegas

As hinted at in the previous entry, I am in scenic Las Vegas as I type this and- as you can probably imagine- I am pretty much ruling the fuck out of this place. I have been staying pretty busy running around interviewing all sorts of comedy type people on behalf of the popular HBO premium cable television network. I am also having a lot of fun and eating and drinking a lot and generally enjoying the perks of being a show business person who experiences glitz and glamour at every turn, even when I’m sitting around not really doing anything (like right now for example. I am still in my underwear.).

Yesterday, I interviewed a bunch of lovely people, including but not limited to Jamie Kennedy, Susie Essman, and Robert Kelly (the popular comedian from the Dane Cook “Tourgasm” program), who touched my package. Later today, I am going to Comic Relief and will talk with a bunch of folks there. Until then, I will probably just do creepy stuff in my hotel room. I am staying in a palatial room (pictured above) at the popular Caesar’s Palace hotel and casino type place. It’s really big and I keep losing things because I set them down on one end of the room and then forget that I just did that. And then it takes like a half an hour to get from one side of the room to the other and I get so exhausted by the commute that I forget what I was looking for in the first place. The bathroom is really huge too and has one of those big bathtubs that turns into a jacuzzi when you least expect it. I have tried out the jacuzzi a couple times but after sitting in there and splashing around for a couple minutes I am not sure what else to do so I end up just getting out and going back to whatever I was up to right before that. Sometimes I will also take a shower because I figure by sitting in the jacuzzi tub thing I must have all sorts of crazy germs and whatnot on me, shit that I don’t even want to know about.

In case you were wondering, I haven’t really been doing any gambling while I’m here, though I have been watching plenty of it and it’s pretty incredible. Another really incredible thing about this town is that all the mirrors stretch you out so you look thinner and- theoretically- better than you look in real life. I guess this is so people will look at their reflection and think “Wow, I am not nearly as fat and disgusting as I was originally led to believe. Let’s go spend money!” It seems to be working. I even tricked myself into believing I wasn’t quite so hideous for a couple minutes but then I figured out the mirror trick and I went back to working on my inner beauty and accepting the fact that- if nothing else- I at least have incredible hair.

Okay, so that’s pretty much the deal with me at the moment. I have to go eat some breakfast now or I am going to have a seizure. More on this and other topics later.

Dave Hill