Escape From Miami

As hinted at in the title of this entry, I have returned from scenic Miami and am now totally sitting here typing in rainy New York City. I have finally finished taping my soon-to-be wildly popular program “The King of Miami with Dave Hill,” which- as mentioned previously- will be appearing on the futuristic INHD high-definition television network. The folks are pretty excited about it, even though they don’t have cable or a high-definition television. Actually, come to think of it, I am not really sure whether they are excited about it or not. I will have to run a check on that. I am excited though. I guess that's what matters in this particular situation.

Yesterday, my last day in Miami, I set my alarm to get up really early (8am! Can you imagine? It was like I was Amish or something!) and go swimming in the ocean. I don’t normally submerge myself in large quantities of water, so it was pretty exciting for me. I was the only one in the water aside from the seagulls and whatever sea creatures may have been lurking around plotting my death.

Before I went in the water I happened upon what I thought to be a a used blue condom sitting on the shore. “Someone has literally been having ‘sex on the beach,’ not unlike the popular beverage of the same name favored by college girls and other people who aren’t exactly opposed the idea of good times all the time,” I thought to myself. As it turned out however, the used blue condom was actually a dead jellyfish or something. I figured this out after I discovered about 50 other similar looking things washed up on the shore. I am like a detective or something the way I piece things together. I even kicked at the dead jellyfish with my shoe for a second, not out of spite but just more for research purposes. It was pretty incredible for me and- I’m guessing- the seagulls too.

After swimming in the ocean, Phil and I headed to the airport and totally got on a plane headed back to New York. That is a picture of me totally just sitting there in the plane waiting to take off at the top of this entry. As you can probably tell by the expression on my face, I am a guy who is completely comfortable with flight and the possibility of a stranger handing me a small bag of nuts at any second.

Phil sat next to me on the plane. That is him above turning to look at me as I was sitting there on the plane waiting to take off and totally not making any big deal about it. Phil and I chatted for a bit and then I put on my headphones and jammed some tunes. I was not trying to alienate Phil or anything. I was just tired and wanted to close my eyes. I didn’t sleep though really. It was more one of those things where you drift off halfway and have all sorts of crazy thoughts and the music in your headphones starts to speak to you in all sorts of crazy ways. It’s one of my favorite ways to listen to music. While I was doing that, Phil was reading the new book by Noam Chomsky, a thinking man. Phil ended up not likingthe book that much even though he has a sweet beard that would suggest he would totally be into the new Noam Chomsky book. In the end, he gave the Noam Chomsky book to me. I am going to try to read it but I can’t promise that I will “get it.”

On a completely unrelated note, I am sitting on a couch at a coffee shop in the West Village as I type this. Some woman has come in with what appears to be a three year-old child. The woman has decided to sit at a table with another woman while leaving what I am assuming to be her daughter sitting next to me on the couch. She is not wearing shoes and her feet stink. She is playing a video game and it’s really loud. I do not wish to harm the child but the mother is in serious danger as of this writing.

Dave Hill