Leaving Las Vegas (Not Unlike The Popular Song And Movie Of The Same Name)

As hinted at in the subject line of this entry, I have left scenic Las Vegas and am currently on a plane somewhere between there and New York City. I am generally wiped out and hungover (I say this not to suggest that I lead and/or condone the “party” lifestyle. It’s just that I got really hammered last night) and feel like a great big fat person after eating and drinking in the Vegas style for the past five days. As you can probably tell from the photo above, I am feeling less than excellent, something that I am trying to express with a facial expression. That’s me sitting in the Las Vegas airport totally waiting for the airplane people to let me get on the airplane so I can go home. If you look closely you can see one of those luggage-loading carts in the background. It was a pretty incredible experience for everyone.

Anyway, yesterday I spent most of my time interviewing people who were on the popular Comic Relief show for the popular premium cable television network HBO. I talked to a whole bunch of nice people, including but not limited to Bill Maher, Jeffrey Tambor, Jennifer Coolidge, Rita Rudner, Jeremy Piven and the rest of the guys from the popular program “Entourage,” Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, George Lopez, D.L. Hughley, Lewis Black, Jim Norton, Ray Romano, Louis C.K., Rebecca Romijn, S. Epatha Merkerson from the popular program “Law and Order,” the two guys from “Desperate Housewives” (a popular program I have never seen but acted like I have the whole time I was talking with them), and then some other people besides all of the ones I just mentioned that for whatever reason I can’t remember right now. It was tiring but a lot of fun and whatnot. I kept myself going by drinking water and eating M&M’s the whole time. It’s important to stay hydrated and hopped up on sugar while talking while famous people I have learned. Another thing I learned is that it’s good to have a conversation starter when talking with famous people. In my case, I had a horrible shaving cut on my face that about half of the people I spoke with couldn’t help but notice and start talking about. Rebecca Romijn (whom I accidentally called Rebecca Romijn-Stamos but she was still nice to me) tried to wipe away some of the dried up blood by rubbing her spit into my cheek. It was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me in North America. Fuck you, John Stamos- you blew it!

After Comic Relief was over there was a big party outside by the big swimming pools at Caesar’s Palace (which is just like being in Rome during ancient times). I went there and ate and drank a lot and made light chit-chat and stuff like that. It was really great for everybody. Then I went to some other party and did more of all that stuff and threw acting-like-a-jackass into the mix just to vary things up a bit. Then I headed back to my palatial hotel room for one last night of stinking up the place. I am really excited to get back to New York and not be a big disgusting Las Vegas person anymore.

On the plane I am on right now you can watch television on little screens that are in the back of the person’s seat in front o you. About half the people around me appear to be watching a program about getting breast implants. It looks pretty great. As you have probably figured out over the course of reading this entry, I am 97.6% braindead at the moment so I think I will stop typing and get back to staring blankly at the headrest in front of me. I will let you know how all of that goes.

Dave Hill