Tuesday, January 02, 2007

The Dave Hill Explosion: Thurs. Jan. 11 At UCB Theatre. Bring it, B*tch.

Attention People Of New York City:

The holidays- am I right? Tell me about it. Anyway, now that 2007 is off to such an incredible start, I have decided to make things even incredibler by bringing it to the people once again in the form of my generally pretty great in general one-man chat/variety-type kick in the nuts known to North Americans everywhere as The Dave Hill Explosion. This sh*t is going to go down on Thursday, January 11 at 9:30pm at the popular Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre right over there on 26th Street. As rumored in the Scandinavian press, this will be the first time I have exploded publicly since the month of October (2006! Ha! What did you say, Grandma?) and- naturally- a lot of people have been wondering what I have been doing during all the down time. Well, first of all, f*ckers, it has not exactly been down time. In addition to focusing on my upper body strength, team building skills, and overall boneability, I have also been really busy with a bunch of crap I cannot even get into right now so let us just stop it right there, okay? The important thing is I am back like a motherf*cker and I want nothing more in life than to hold you. Look- I know things have been really crazy between us lately. I get that. But if you think I am just going to throw everything we have away just because of a few bumps in the road, you got another thing coming. Oh sure, there are a lot of people out there who like to throw around fancy words like restraining order and sociopath and house arrest when talking about my feelings for you, but I am not exactly sure what any of that has to do with love. I guess what I am trying to say is that I would really like you to come to my show. You sit there in the front row, smile, and maybe even laugh a little bit (and if you need a beverage or something, you just let Dave know. The idea of you going thirsty sickens me). I come out on stage and talk and dance and sing and read and show movies I made in my spare time and even interview a really exciting guest or two (The guests will be announced later. Remember- you were the one who wanted to take things slow). Then maybe afterwards we go for a walk, talk things over a bit, and maybe even stop off for a drink or a cup of coffee or whatever. It does not matter. The important thing is that we will be together. And look- I know I might have said a lot of crazy things and maybe did a lot of crazy things and also maybe broke into your house a few times just to bask in the scent of your pillow, but love makes us do crazy things sometimes. You said it to the judge yourself. What really matters is that I have changed! Look, I know I cannot take back all the things I said or bring your dog back to life or unburn our house in Amagansett down or any of that crap, but dammit I am going to die trying! And if that makes all of our friends or the cops or whoever think I am crazy, then fine! I will be the first to admit it- I am crazy! Crazy. About. You. Is that so wrong? Oh, and you can get tickets to the show here, which is the last thing I wanted to say. That is it. I am done. You can write back if you want but you do not have to. If you do, great. And if you do not, I will just assume that you are okay and that you agree with everything I have to say here.

I love you,

Dave Hill