Fucking Up Toronto

I have just returned from a few days in scenic Toronto (pictured above courtesy of my cellular telephone. Not sure what that building is though), the popular Canadian city, where I was shooting stuff for the premium cable television channel Cinemax during the futuristic Toronto International Film Festival. Since I am 1/4 Canadian and all (my grandfather was from Ontario), it was really great to be back in the motherland.

I have been to Toronto a number of times in my life and it never fails to deliver, especially if you are easily entertained like me. This time around I was mostly busy interviewing show business people and also some totally regular people about movies and stuff, but I still managed to squeeze in a little distinctly Canadian excitement while I was at it. On Saturday, I made it the Hockey Hall of Fame, something I’ve pretty much wanted to do my entire life. It was pretty awesome. If you are the kind of person that likes to look at old hockey jerseys and equipment and stuff, this place is pretty much one for the “Holy Fucking Shit” files. The picture above is of a handpainted goalie mask worn by former Cleveland Barons goalie Gilles Meloche, who was one of the greats. It’s pretty sweet if you ask me. I imagine it’s harder to shoot a puck past a guy that has his face painted all crazy like this.

Above is a picture of me totally standing next to the Stanley Cup, which is pretty much the most incredible trophy ever, hockey-related or otherwise. It was pretty dark in there but if you look closely you can sort of tell that I’m all like “Wow, I can’t believe I’m totally standing next to the Stanley Cup.” It was really something. I thought about holding my finger up in the “number one” sign or maybe giving a thumbs up or something but in the end I just decided to stand there and do nothing.

Usually when I’m in Toronto, I try to stuff myself with as much Asian food as possible as the Chinatown there is pretty solid. If you like Chinese, Thai, Korean, and Japanese food, you could do a lot worse than to go to Toronto and eat stuff. This time however, I mixed things up by eating some totally non-Asian food. One night I ate a big steak at an old school steak place called Barberian’s. I ate the fuck out of a steak and some oysters and then for dessert I ate the fuck out of a bunch of chocolate mousse that came in its own chocolate house (pictured above). Man, are those Canadians ahead of us or what? For the record though, the roof tasted much better than the rest of the house.

The food highlight of this Toronto visit, however, came in the form of my visit to Gretzky’s. As hinted at in the name, it is the restaurant owned by hockey legend Wayne “The Great One” Gretzky. It’s kind of like Ruby Tuesday’s or something only with Wayne Gretzky stuff all over the place instead of old license plates and stuff. This place was pretty much a Gretzky lover’s paradise. In fact, I think maybe they should change the name of the restaurant to Gretzky’s: A Gretzky Lover’s Paradise. I wonder if this will come up in the next shareholders meeting. It should.

The food at Gretzky’s was pretty average chain restaurant type food, but when you’re surrounded by Wayne Gretzky’s old shoulder pads and stuff, pretty much anything tastes delicious if you ask me. Pictured above is the Great One burger, which comes with Gretzky’s number (99, as hinted at in the photo) burned into the bun. How awesome is that? They say you can taste the difference. Also, if you rotate the plate 180 degress, you can have a Mario Lemieux burger instead. You may not realize it, but that is a hilarious hockey joke that I just made. Trust me on that one.

On the movie front while in Toronto, I saw “The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford,” starring Hollywood’s Brad Pitt, and “Juno,” which was directed by Hollywood’s Jason Reitman. “Jesse James” was pretty good but roughly 9 hours long, which some people think is maybe too long. Still if you like horses, gunplay, and Brad Pitt, this movie pretty much has everything. Also, Nick Cave sings a song in a bar toward the end of the movie, which was a nice touch. If I ever get magically transported to the Old West, I hope he is there then too. I would probably be slightly less freaked out about things.

“Juno” was a really good movie starring Canadians Ellen Page and Michael Cera. I don’t want to get all Siskel and Ebert on your asses or anything, but I predict this movie is going to be very popular. I really liked it and I hate most things in life. Dave Hill says walk reasonably fast to see this movie.

Anyway, now I am back in New York City and trying to adjust to the non-Canadian lifestyle. It is going okay so far. I will keep you posted on this and other topics in the very near future. Brace yourself.

Dave Hill