The Dave Hill Explosion w/A.C. Newman THIS THURSDAY Dec. 18 at UCB

Attention People of New York City:

Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this Thursday, December 18 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in historic Chelsea, I will be bringing the heat like some kind of heat-bringing motherf#@ker or something in the form of my popular nightclub act the Dave Hill Explosion, now in its third questionable year! Personally, I am pretty excited about it- and I am not just saying that because everyone in attendance will be receiving a complimentary Toblerone (Yes, you read that right), the classiest candy ever made, something that was supposed to be a surprise but when you are sitting here typing in a room packed floor-to-ceiling with free and delicious Toblerone it is not exactly easy to stay quiet about that sort of thing. Anyway, this show is going to be, like, really incredible, so much in fact that it is going to make all previous Explosions look like I was just practicing and also a little bit drunk. I am going to be doing all the usual incredible stuff, some brand new incredible stuff, and also this one thing involving a cadre of live bees and the North American debut of my patented nougat suit that is pretty much guaranteed to land me some serious coverage on the blogs. As if all of that is not enough, I will be joined on Thursday by none other than rock professional A.C. Newman a/k/a Carl Newman of the excellent rock band the New Pornographers as well as another exciting guest whose name shall remain a surprise until it is announced at a later date, at which point the surprise will transform into sexy information that you will want to make sweet, sweet love to in the small hours of the night. And yet you will feel no shame as this is an abstraction and there is no shame in abstraction banging. In fact, it is encouraged. Ask anyone. Should you approach the mystery guest himself in an inappropriate manner, however, you are on your own. However, I will also be joined on Thursday by my bearded sidebitch Phil, whom you are perfectly welcome to approach in any manner you like. Blame it on the Toblerone. You can get tickets right here.

In other, non-Explosion-related news, I am generally opposed to self-promotion in any form. However, recently I was asked by the popular premium cable television network HBO to interview professional boxers Joe Calzaghe and Roy Jones on their channel because I am a sports expert and also an incredible physical specimen that chicks totally want to bang. My interviews with these boxing greats are now available for Internet consumption below. Please watch all five segments right now and force others to do the same or I will cut myself. Here they are.

And as long as this is shaping up to be the longest e-mail ever totally mailed to someone (And hey- you are already on the Internet and stuff so, you know, let us just keep this whole thing going!) I have also been doing video interviews for New York Magazine's popular website in which I ride around in their elevator and turn the screws on people like Steve Guttenberg, David Rakoff, Chris March, and the lovely Martha Plimpton. You can watch those interviews right here. And you should:


Hurray for love,
Dave Hill