Hot Sauce Update

That whole making-my-own-hot-sauce thing from yesterday turned out to be a pretty rough situation from start to finish and is still threatening to complicate my day as I type this. Things got ugly early on when I started grinding up the peppers in the little Cuisinart thing I found tucked away in my kitchen closet. As it turns out, when you grind up really hot peppers and then take the lid off the grinding device right away, the effect is not unlike blasting yourself in the face with pepper spray. At least that’s how it happened with me anyway. Still, I figured if my hot sauce was making me cough/choke/gag just from smelling it, I was probably onto something as far as making really awesome hot sauce goes.

My secret hot sauce recipe- which I pretty much just made up on the spot- involved throwing a bunch of hot peppers in the Cuisinart thing and then adding a bunch of garlic and a few splashes of vinegar along the way. At some point during the secret hot sauce making process, I decided to take a quick bathroom break. This was my second mistake. I didn’t realize it at the time, but apparently I had hot sauce and/or hot pepper juice on my hands when I went into the bathroom and, well- let’s just say it- that stuff got all over my goods. They say when you’ve eaten something really spicy, the best way to stop the heat is to drink milk or eat ice cream. I’ve never heard what you’re supposed to do when you’ve gotten hot sauce all over your penis though, so I ended up just sort of sitting there fighting off tears for a few minutes until the extreme burning sensation went away.

Despite all of the above, the hot sauce itself ended up being pretty tasty. I still have to figure out something to add to it so it’s more saucy and congealed and stuff instead of just being a bunch of really tiny bits of hot pepper and garlic with some vinegar running through it, but it definitely serves its intended purpose. I fried up a few eggs and covered them with my new secret hot sauce and couldn’t help but think it definitely tasted like eggs with hot sauce on them. Things went south a few minutes after eating the eggs with hot sauce, however, when I began to experience an all too familiar rumbling in my southern hemisphere. I believe the correct medical terminology for this is “assplosion.” It’s been pretty touch and go for the last 18 hours or so, but I’m hoping things settle down by the weekend. I will definitely keep you posted. Until next time- see you at the laundromat!

Dave Hill