Gays In The Priesthood

I read an article in the New York Times today about a new rule in the Roman Catholic church that will bar gays from becoming new priests. Needless to say, I find this news rather disturbing (and not just because I’m worried about how all of this might affect Rob Halford). However, I can’t help but think that all the gay priests already in the church are even more bummed out about it than I am because now they are totally going to have a much harder time meeting new guys who share their interests. As if that whole celibacy thing weren’t bad enough. No matter how you slice it, the Catholic church is making it much harder for priests to get laid these days. Don’t even get me started on those tight white collars, which are pretty much a complete nightmare at least six months out of the year.

The question remains, however, over how the church will go about figuring out which potential new priests are total homos. Apparently they will be screening new candidates for “evidence of homosexuality.” There has also been talk of forcing all existing priests to wear tasteful yet much harder to accessorize pantsuits during official church services instead of those elaborate, flowing gowns we have all come to love so much by now. Prospective new priests are also discouraged from at any point complaining about how “poorly decorated” their seminary quarters might be.

Meanwhile, Catholic nuns are encouraged to dyke it up as much as humanly possible. No, just kidding. Everyone knows you can't win softball games dressed in those habits of theirs.

Dave Hill