Those Guys

Today I write to you (let’s assume there is someone actually reading this) from an adorable little coffee shop that opened recently in my scenic Brooklyn neighborhood. I had always promised myself I would never become one of “those guys,” the people who sit in coffee shops for hours at a time, typing away on their laptops and using the term “wi-fi” with both comfort and regularity. The other day though, I reluctantly decided to give it a shot, largely because I figured if I actually left my apartment to do some work, it might keep me from taking naps or setting my laptop down to go masturbate or have an extra bowl of cereal or something. So far it’s working. I’ve been coming to this coffee shop on most weekdays lately and have been seemingly more productive in this atmosphere. I am still adjusting to the constant stream of world music that plays in the backround, but I am getting better at tuning it out. I’m not really sure who enjoys this music. It seems to be more the kind of music that people wrongfully assume others enjoy and therefore decide to put it on in certain environments. For coffee shops, there is world music. For hair salons, there is techno (another style of music I try to avoid in my day-to-day life). In techno’s defense however, I suppose it does sound good if you are on drugs (or so I’m told). I’ll never really understand world music though. I have quite honestly never felt that festive. And if I did I would probably just put on some old Van Halen or something.

In other news, last night I went to see Inside Joke at the UCB Theatre in Manhattan. The show is a sort “Inside The Actor’s Studio” for comedians and instead of being hosted by the frightening James Lipton, it is hosted by the highly likable Carl Arnheiter. Last night’s guests were the comedians Al Franken and Tom Davis, two guys I have been big fans of since I was just a youngster, a “pup” if you will. It was a fun show and interesting to hear them speak about the early days of Saturday Night Live and how the show and comedy in general has changed since then, etc.

As I sat there listening to Franken and Davis speak, I remembered how when I was a kid they came to perform at John Carrol University, the college up the street from where I grew up in Cleveland. I wanted desperately to see them perform but figured there was no way a little kid like me was going to be able to sneak into a college auditorium unnoticed on a Friday night. I ended up standing outside of the auditorium as they performed, listening to all those big college kids laughing and clapping, and imagining all the hilarious stuff Franken and Davis must have been saying to them. As I think back to those days, I am struck by how old I have somehow become. Holy fucking shit. Things were supposed to be different. Shouldn’t I be at work right now or something?

After Inside Joke, I grabbed a quick drink with a friend at a seemingly French bar/restaurant (They were playing Serge Gainsbourg and had French beer on tap. That was enough for me to jump to conclusions.). Since I had eaten something called “The Mexican Burger” at the Half King on 23rd Street earlier in the evening however, I had to cut the evening short and get back to headquarters to address a few pressing issues.

Okay, I have to get back to this world music business. It is seriously fucking annoying. If they don’t turn it off soon there’s gonna be bodies to cart out of here.

Dave Hill