Welcome To The Future, Bitch.

Just when I thought dairy-based products could not be pushed any further, I stumbled upon the above product at one of the delis in my scenic Brooklyn neighborhood. I’ve been wondering for a long time now when I might be living in a future age and now here it is slapping me around like a bitch and giving me milk that tastes just like the popular 3 Musketeers candy bar. Finally- the magic of milk and nougat in one delicious and convenient beverage. There is also milk that tastes like the popular Milky Way candy bar and even milk that tastes like a Moon Pie. I’m guessing that one will have more of a cult following. You should probably check the expiration date on the Moon Pie-flavored milk before bringing it to the counter. I’m just saying.

I didn’t end up buying any of the 3 Musketeers-flavored milk because I was too busy reevaluating the world and my place in it immediately after I discovered this exciting new dairy product there on the refrigerator aisle of the deli, but I’m totally thinking about getting one next time I go back there. And I probably shouldn’t be bringing this up right now because your head will probably just explode after reading this, but there is some other product made by the same people that allegedly tastes just like the popular Starbursts candy. I know, I know- holy sh*t. Anyway, good luck trying to drink a regular glass of milk after reading this. What are you f*&king Amish or something? Get yourself some 3 Musketeers-flavored milk today! By the way, if anyone from the company that makes the 3 Musketeers-flavored milk is reading this right now, you can totally use those last couple lines for your new ad campaign if you want. File Under: It's the least I could f*&king do. Am I right?

Dave Hill