Escape From Miami

Today I am writing from the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina. I am on a layover on my way from Miami to my hometown of Cleveland, where I am going to hang out for a few days before heading back to the Big City. As I type this, there are two young kids- a brother and sister I’m guessing- pacing back and forth next to me. It is some kind of game as best I can tell and it is driving me insane. I want desperately to stab them but I will hold off for now, at least until I finish typing.

Anyway, getting back to Miami, it was a fun four or so days. Yesterday was a big day of shooting stuff and my spray-on tan really rose to the occasion. Apparently spray-on tans tend to really kick in after a day or so and mine was no different. I went from George Hamilton-like to Tandoori chicken-like to borderline Al Jolson-like over the course of about 24 hours. I think the extra blast I gave myself (the lady at the spray-tan place gave me a can of touchup spray) I gave myself first thing in the morning helped take things to the next level. You can get a sense of things in the photo above. The tan really makes my teeth sparkle if you ask me. The good/bad thing about having a tan like this though is that I tend to forget about it as soon as I’ve been away from a mirror or any other reflective surface for a few minutes. Everyone else, however, seems to notice it pretty much all the time. It’s kind of hard to have a normal conversation with a stranger (or anyone really).

Joining us (me and the show business people) in Miami these past four days was my good buddy Phil, who is playing my sidekick/bitch/bodyguard on this thing we’re totally shooting. That’s him in the yellow sweater and sweet beard above. We had a good time pretty much ruling the fuck out of this place together the past few days. He pretty much just stands there looking sweet while I do all the talking. It works out pretty well for the both of us.

At one point during the day yesterday, Phil and I went to something called the Howard Austin Feld Gallery on Lincoln Road, which is a popular street in Miami with all sorts of stores and restaurants and whatnot. If you like photos of naked chicks that have been touched up in an artistic fashion via the computer, you could do a lot worse than to check out Howard’s gallery. Phil and I really liked this one photo Howard took in which you can totally see the chick in the photo’s private parts and Howard Austin Feld was so nice he gave us a great big copy to take home with us totally free of charge. Not only does Howard Austin Feld take sweet photos of naked chicks but he is really nice too. You can see the excellent photo of the naked chick above (WARNING: It is mature in nature, unlike me and Phil). I am going to visit my parents right now, so I decided to let Phil hang on to it for the time being. It’s covered in plastic so I’m not too worried. I think it’s going to look pretty great over the couch. That bastard better hand it over though as soon as I get back into town.

Okay, I have to get all ready to fly and shit now so I better go. In case you wondering though, the kids who were pacing back and forth next to me at the beginning of this entry have finally tired out and sat down with their parents. The odds of me stabbing them have dropped considerably.

Dave Hill
www.davehillonline.com