The Dave Hill Explosion With Special Guests Ira Glass And Touching You: Thursday, March 20 At The UCB Theatre. You Should Totally Come.

Attention People of New York City:

Hello. Hi. How are you? I am pretty good mostly. Thank you so much for asking. I am writing to you today to humbly request the honor of your presence at my next public display of all kinds of sh*t that most people cannot even handle, a/k/a The Dave Hill Explosion (the little show that could and still totally does like a motherf#@ker), which is totally going to happen on Thursday, March 20 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea. I know what you are thinking- "March 20? Isn't that the same day in 1739 that Nadir Shah occupied Delhi, sacked the city, and stole the jewels of the Peacock Throne? And isn't that also the same day that the 'Great Fire' of Boston destroyed 350 buildings in 1759 or that an earthquake completely decimated all of Mendoza, a city in western Argentina, in 1861? Why would Dave dare take the stage on such a day of infamy? Isn't that a little, I dunno, disrespectful?" And to that I say Why you gotta be all negative? March 20 just so happens to also be the day that Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published in 1852. And on that same day in 1914, the first ever international figure skating championships took place in New Haven, Connecticut. And- oh yeah- two years later on that day some guy named Albert Einstein pubished a little something he liked to call "the general theory of relativity." But yeah, you're right, let's focus on all your sh*t instead, you frickin' downer, because God forbid we look at the bright side once in a while! Then you might have to start dressing in bright colors or stop writing those stupid poems of yours about "the human condition" or maybe say more than two words to your parents at Thanksgiving this year and we certainly do not want any of that! Whatevs. Oh, and by the way- the "Great Fire" of Boston wasn't until 1760 and it only destroyed 349 buildings, not 350, you d*ck! Anyway, I really hope you can make it to my show because it is going to be a lot fun. I am going to be embracing the spirit of positivity, interviewing some incredible guests (Ira Glass, host of the great "This American Life" program on National Public Radio, is one. Futuristic musical act Touching You is the other. I am thinking about having Eliot Spitzer on the show too. Ha! That is a topical joke referencing the recent news about how the Governor of New York pays for sex. Eliot Spitzer is referring to the incident as a "private matter." Yeah, his privates maybe! Man, I am on today! Okay, one more- um, Eliot Spitzer's staff is from now on going to think twice when he asks them to "take a look at his briefs." Ha! That is a play on words which sort of compares a document of some kind to Eliot Spitzer's undergarments. It is almost as if I have OD'ed on genius pills or something), and also maybe taking my shirt off. As if all of that is not enough, my man Phil will be there regulating and possibly even perpetrating (not sure yet). All of this and slightly more for just five bucks, about the price of a cup of coffee and maybe a scone.* You are welcome. If you would like to reserve tickets in advance at no cost to you or your loved ones (pay when you get there, dude), you can do that right here.

*It does not have to be a scone. It could be a bagel or any snack really that- together with a cup of coffee- would cost you about five dollars if you bought them at a store that sells that kind of stuff and is also kind of expensive. Five bucks for a coffee and a scone seems a bit much.

Dave Hill