Helena and Me

Mondays- am I right? I have been suffering mild plague-like symptoms the past couple days I’m guessing as a result of my on-the-go lifestyle and also my penchant for licking door knobs and stuff. Well, I have learned my lesson and have finally decided to slow down (a tiny bit) and stop licking stuff all the time. That’s just common sense.

In other news, my friend Leeza sent me this story last week about a homeless woman in Japan who had been apparently been living in a storage space in a man’s closet for the past year. I feel sorry for her a bit but mostly I just admire her gumption. With that kind of can-do spirit it’s a wonder she became homeless in the first place. I also wonder whether her strategy was to just sleep in the closet space and then get out and enjoy the day or did she just spend most of her time balled up in that closet just waiting for the time to pass? I hope I don’t ever find someone living my closet. Unless it’s supermodel Helena Christensen or someone. That would be pretty great, but also kind of weird the more I think about it. You’d think she could do better. Then again I’m glad she chose me.

In the interest of full closure, I have to admit that the reason I’ve got supermodel Helena Christensen all on the brain like that is because I saw her in my neighborhood the other night. I’m pretty sure she lives right by me because I’ve seen her a few times now. Anyway, every time I see her the whole thing starts by me thinking “Hey, there’s some pretty lady in the corner of my eye I’m pretty sure.” And then I look up and it turns out to be supermodel Helena Christensen and then I’m all like “Oh, I guess that makes sense that I am struck by the beauty of this person even though I can only see her out of the corner of my eye. It’s supermodel Helena Christensen.” In my fantasy, after I spot her she then notices me and says “Hey there. You know, I’ve been looking to date a completely average looking man of limited prospects. You in or what?” And then we go get Chinese food or something. Helena, if you’re reading this, I am the guy in the T-shirt with the brown hair. Just let me know. Oh, and you can order whatever you want.

Dave Hill