Kicking Ice

Tonight my hockey team the King Williams played a game against the team with the tan jerseys that people are still talking about to this day. Before the game, I ate some fake Mexican food with a friend at a vegetarian restaurant where a lot of the customers had dreadlocks. I am not a vegetarian.

After I ate the fake Mexican food at the vegetarian restaurant, I got my hockey equipment and went to Lasker Rink in Central Park where our game was. I showed up, put on all my hockey equipment like it was weird not to be wearing it all the time, and then walked out to rink to totally play hockey.

When I got out to the rink, I looked at the players on the other team with an expression that asked “Who wants to get there asses handed to them?”

The players on the other team then looked back at me with a look that seemed to ask “Are you kidding?,” which is exactly the kind of look people tend to give when they don’t want their asses handed to them. But it was too late- I had already decided to hand their asses to them.

“You better put out your hands,” I said to them by looking back at them and not really saying anything out loud, “because you are going to need them to hold your asses when I hand them to you, which I something that is going to happen very soon.”

Then I went out on the ice and played hockey like only a guy who is 1/4 Canadian can. I didn’t score any goals but I would like to think that my general contribution to the game was positive.

I guess at this point you are totally wondering who won the game. We won the game 4-3. Also, one of the guys on my team, Sean Crespo, just got a new kitten named Mr. Cutiepants. I don’t know if Mr. Cutiepants can solve crimes but I sure hope so. No one would see it coming.

Dave Hill