Monday, April 21, 2008

Attention Citizens Of The Internet


Recently, my friend Carlen recommended that I install Sitemeter onto this here blog as a means of tracking traffic to my blog and whatnot. I thought it would be interesting to find out where people are coming from (via the magic of the Internet) to read this page or- at the very least- stare at it blankly before deciding to go look at something more interesting, so I was all over that shit.

After installing the futuristic Sitemeter program, I was surprised to find that people (or at the very least computers) from all over the world are viewing this page. This is exciting on one level, but on another level I am kind of thinking there's no way someone in, say Turkey for example, could possibly be actually reading my blog. Instead, I figure some computer program in Turkey or Bulgaria or Egypt or wherever is somehow trolling the Internet and stumbling upon my blog while making its daily and futuristic rounds. I am not really sure how to figure out whether or not it's actual humans reading my blog (though I do realize there are a fair amount of actual humans who read it and- if you are one of them- I thank you very much for doing so. Seriously, you are the best. I would like to make you a delicious sandwich) other than to just ask people (meaning you, for example) to maybe write me at mrlourawls@gmail.com or leave a commment in the comments section here and tell me where you are located and how you happened to find my blog (and also maybe tell me what you are wearing). You don't have to, of course. I am just curious and also- clearly- a very lonely man who is totally sitting here in his apartment with not a whole lot going on at this very moment so I just figured I'd ask. Who knows- maybe I will decide to send baked goods to whomever actually e-mails or leaves me a comment. I said MAYBE. I do make a mean deep-dish Saltine jubilee though. So brace yourself. Gosh, this is kind of a sad entry, isn't it? I better go now- I have to send off some helium balloons with a letter attached to them. Tomorrow I am throwing a message in a bottle out into the sea. You get it.

Dave Hill

8 Comments:

Anonymous Slave to the Internet said...

Gday Dave
Im from Australia and I stumbled onto your blog after a Google search. I found this title and I thought it would be interesting to see what you wanted to say.

Have you tried Google Analytics for tracking visitors too? Its pretty good.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Chainey said...

I'm from New Zealand and you're bigger than Texas over here. At least in my mind.

In related matters, I'm wondering if maybe the Toyota Camry would be a better choice than the Honda. I mean, you don't get the variable-cylinder thing, but there's the "legendary Toyota reliability" aspect.

What do you think? I feel you should have some input, since it's your money.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Dave Hill said...

thank you, chainey (and slave to the internet). it is nice to know my dominance is in effect in new zealand, just as i suspected. as for the toyota/honda debate, it's funny you mention it. i have actually owned two toyota camry's in my lifetime. the first i just sort of absorbed from my parents (i think i paid them a thousand bucks). that car was later stolen by a crackhead (i know it was a crackhead because i eventually got the car back and it was full of crack paraphernalia and also crack). the second i bought used. they were both maroon. but i've been curious about those hondas. they seem saucy. and i like that. i am happy to buy you whatever car you want. after all, things are really looking up for me.

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Erin said...

Hi Dave, I am wearing a cow print bathrobe in beautiful downtown Oakland, CA. Why don't you ever bring the Dave Hill Explosion to the Bay Area? I found your blog via your web site, which I found via Salon when they featured one of your videos a couple of years ago. As for the sandwich--how about avocado and cheddar on toasted whole wheat with all the fixings (except mayo)?

11:41 AM  
Blogger Melba said...

hi dave i'm in melbourne, oss-tralia as you guys say it, i'm wearing stained work-out clothes (not from the work-out, oh no no no, from cleaning the shower) and i found you through via anne altman's wonderful portal.

oh, and i'm a robot.

12:24 AM  
Anonymous Eardley said...

Hi Dave,

I'm sounding off as person number 5 who visits your blog. I am in some far off province of Shropshire, England, which is already a far off province of the more important/useful parts of Britain. If nothing else we can conclude from this experiment that 80% of your readers are in the Commonwealth, you do the math(s). Hey, no one's more surprised than me. I came here via popjustice.com who shook up the world of pop music journalism when they embedded the first Little Michael Jackson video on their site, from there I went to your website and then came here (I click, I double click and then I click again - get used to it). I am currently wearing gardening clothes because I mowed my lawn earlier and I have not bothered getting changed. Dear God, it was a mess - first mow of the season. I want the sandwich, can I have chicken korma and mayo please? I had one on Fairbourne beach in Gwynedd a couple of weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about it. Needn't worry about the baked goods though, I made a Victoria sandwich cake yesterday and I'm trying to keep away from it.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Rock on, Dave, this is mike d. in some hideously generic suburb of St. Paul, MN. A friend of mine (you KNOW who, so stop asking) got me into Valley Lodge, and from there, it was really easy to get hooked on your blog. Kind of like pot is a gateway drug. For people who do drugs, that is. At least that's what I've heard. Do you have any of that Camry crack left?

I'm just posting so I can start tipping the percentages back towards the US. I get jealous when the brits are both the producers AND the consumers of the best humor.

hey, you should post some stats. I'll be curious about your stateside distribution. You live in NY, you grew up in Cleveland, you've worked in LA, you've been in bands with a former MN musician, etc etc. So by my geographic calculations, you should be really big in Tuskegee, Oklahoma.

11:06 PM  
Blogger Helena said...

Hey Dave,
I came across your blog while googling Andrew Andrew, enjoyed it (the blog I mean) and bookmarked it under 'Wittiness'. I'm in London and wearing shorts.

10:15 AM  

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