Puppies And Then Some Shit That Totally Doesn't Have To Do With Puppies

Today is Tuesday and I am back like some kind of motherfucker or something. Well, sort of anyway. At least today is better than yesterday, a day on which I was just not full-on Dave for some reason. Things picked up later in the day though as I went for a walk and happened upon the puppy in the photo above. He (or she. I’m not sure- couldn’t see the crotch) was just hanging out in a pet store window on Christopher Street (I think) here in the West Village, where I am totally living like a motherfucker these days. I’m not sure what kind of dog he is, but something tells me he is going to grow up to look adorable in little knit outfits and such. I tried to get a nice photo of him looking at me straight on but then he turned away, the little fucker. Keep that up, little dog, and you’ll die in that pet store window! No, wait, that’s too harsh. Anyway, he was a cute one and made me believe in life and love once again, if only for a moment before I returned to the embrace of a dark world view.

Last night I did the show Totally JK at Rififi, hosted by Joe Mande and Noah, whose last name I don’t know right now (but I will someday!). They are two really funny guys. I had to run out to a high powered meeting right after I performed so I missed the rest of the show, but I had good times while I was there. Speaking of shows, on Thursday I am doing a new show at the PIT over there on 29th Street hosted by Livia Scott. The e-flyer for it is totally right above this paragraph. It should be fun times. Totally go!

This morning I appeared in a comedic video being shot by some friends for the magical Internet. My friend whose apartment the shoot was totally at had an issue of Playgirl Magazine on her coffee table. Since I am so totally not gay that it is not even fucking funny, I had never actually looked at Playgirl before but I decided to give it a whirl just so I knew what I was talking about next time the topic of donger porn came up. To be honest I was expecting Playgirl to be full of dudes with big swinging dicks, the kind that cause entire city blocks to be bathed in shadow. Surprisingly, however, most of the dudes in the magazine seemed to have pretty average dongers, so average in fact that I was like “Whoa, dude- you really think you should be advertising the fact that you totally don’t have a huge donger like that?” I mean, I’m just sayin.’ It seems like if you’re gonna take your donger out and pose for photos in a magazine, you should have a big crazy donger that will really get people talking. Then people will be all like "Oh, I totally get why he took his donger out and showed it in that magazine. It is on the large size and- understandably- he wants to the world to know." Then again, what the hell do I know? This entire last paragraph aside, I try not to spend too much time thinking about any dongers other than my own (which happens to be completely tiny. Ha! That is a joke! In fact, it is quite the opposite. Just ask your mother! Ha! There I go with the jokes again. Guess who is on fire! This guy!).

Hmmm, I don’t really want to finish this entry with talk of dongers so I will have to think of something else to talk about for a second. Oh, I here is a picture of some hot chick being ripped off by a band of gypsy ducks. It is now that I have seen everything. Am I right or am I right? Am I right?

Dave Hill