The New Face of Le Tigre (Me)
Please let the record show that as of this writing, I am the New Face of the popular Le Tigre clothing brand (which is not to be confused with the band of the same name, who got their name from the popular clothing brand anyway I think). This may come as a surprise to some people- including most and/or all of the people who work at Le Tigre- but it is totally the case as far as I am concerned. Thanks to a bizarre turn of events that began with me dressing up as a whore (please see above) and dancing for the popular rock band Satanicide and ended with me walking out of Le Tigre’s delightful Manhattan showroom with roughly 400 lbs. of completely excellent and completely free (for me, you will have to pay for it, as you should) Le Tigre clothing, I am now officially the spokesmodel/”It girl for this unstoppable line of shirts, sweaters, jackets, wristbands, hats, and- coming soon I am told- pants. They make women’s clothing too, but that is not my concern at the moment. I am sure they are excellent too though.
Anyway, the reason I am the New Face of Le Tigre, of course, is because I am on television and- as a result- am in a position of extreme power to influence the youth of America to do pretty much whatever I tell them to, including but not limited to buying and wearing excellent Le Tigre clothes. I don’t have any pictures of me in the excellent Le Tigre clothes yet, but I promise you they are coming. This is of course because I don’t intend to wear anything but Le Tigre clothes ever again, including during sex and medical examinations (this is part of my self-imposed agreement with the popular clothing brand Le Tigre).
My special thanks to Ali and Katie and all the other fine ladies at the popular Le Tigre clothing company for making my dreams a reality. Also thanks to Drew from Satanicide, whom I was sitting next to when he was talking about popular Le Tigre clothes, which started this whole exciting turn of events in the first place.
In closing, I would like to encourage you to do as Dave does and go out and buy a wonderful Le Tigre ensemble for yourself today. You won’t look as good as I do in the clothes but I am sure you will look pretty great nonetheless. It will be noted. Anyway, buy some Le Tigre clothes today or I will stab you.