Sunday, July 17, 2005

That Bobby

I have just finished watching back-to-back episodes of popular new hit TV series “Being Bobby Brown,” an incredible reality show that chronicles the day-to-day activities of the popular musician and celebrity in general that is Bobby Brown, who just so happens to be married to another musician and celebrity in general, who of course is none other than the headline-grabbing R&B singer and sometime actress Whitney Houston. This is one show that doesn’t skimp on antics of all sorts. Bobby will do something crazy like lift up his shirt in a department store or make some crazy noise for no apparent reason whatsoever and the viewer can’t help but think “Wow- Bobby Brown is both crazy and unpredictable. Is this the result of excessive drug use or is this just how he is naturally? The answer remains unclear to me. One thing is for sure however, Bobby Brown is one subject of controversy that I will not soon tire of.”

As soon as the viewer gets done thinking all of the above, then Bobby Brown’s controversial wife and mother to his children Whitney Houston comes onscreen to say and do things that seem to suggest that she is easily just as crazy and unpredictable as her husband Bobby Brown seems to be. “These two together? I don’t know how they do it! It’s a good thing there is a full camera crew and limited catering staff around at all times to make sure nothing goes completely haywire with these two! Am I right?,” the viewer can’t help but think.

God, I love this show. I hope it comes on again in the next five minutes. If not, I am likely to do something crazy and unpredictable myself! Did I mention that in one scene the Dalai Lama guy shows up from out of nowhere while they are at the airport or something and Bobby Brown and his camera crew run over to him and are all like “Hey, Mr. Lama!”? And then the Dalai Lama looks back at them with a facial expression that seems to suggest he is not sure what to think about Bobby Brown and the people with whom he associates. It is moments like this that make me not want to stop watching this show. Ever! Thank you makers of “Being Bobby Brown.” Your efforts have not gone unnoticed!

Dave Hill

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I Took My Donger Out And It Was Frowned Upon

The above title just kind of hit me a couple minutes ago. I don't really have a diary entry to go along with it. I just really liked the title. I might not be as amused by it in a couple hours, but for now it's really getting me through the day. Also, the above picture is not of me (though I do like the pants). It's just some guy I found on the Internet. Okay, I guess I should probably let you get back to whatever it was that you were doing. Or you could read some of the entries below, where I have some really, really important things to say. Enough about me though- how are you? Sometimes I feel like this just gets so one-sided.

Dave Hill

Friday, July 08, 2005

On Film

I am watching the popular movie "Showgirls" on basic cable as I type this. They have removed all the nude scenes, which allows me to focus on the story a bit more but makes it generally not nearly as good as the original. Two businessmen just invited Elizabethe Berkeley out on the town to "sing some songs." You can tell by the looks on their faces that what they really mean is that they want to "have sex with her." Elizabeth Berkeley is not "having it." She is not like the other girls. Dammit.

Now there is a big dance number happening and one of the dancers has just dropped marbles all over the stage. It is my sense that it was intentional. I wonder what will happen next.

It is not easy being a showgirl.

Dave Hill

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The Man

Today I got a phone call from some lady who works for a credit card company. Apparently I owe them a bunch of money and they are really upset about it. She put me on hold for a second and when she did the hold music was "Money Can't Buy Me Love" by the Beatles. It was completely fucking with my head.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The King of Google

It is with great pride that I report that after several years of Googling myself on an almost daily basis (there were some days when I didn’t have computer access), I have finally shown up in the top ten of all Dave Hills on the Internet. Actually, I am number five at the moment, which is up from just yesterday when I was six. If I can take out the Dave Hill that plays jazz guitar in California or the Dave Hill that is- according to him anyway- the world’s greatest hypnotist and illusionist, I should have a clear shot at the #1 slot in no time. Then again I could simply become the world’s greatest hypnotist and illusionist in my own right and perhaps jump a couple spots that way. I’m guessing the Dave Hill that currently fancies himself the world’s greatest hypnotist and illusionist would pretty much lose it if I did that. “Oh, you’re an illusionist alright!,” I’ll say to him. “If by illusionist you mean that you are under the illusion that you are nearly as great a hypnotist as I am! Plus, I am more popular on Google than you now, so fuck you!” I can’t wait to have it out with Dave Hill, the so-called world’s great hypnotist and illusionist. Fuck you, Dave! Let’s see you make this disappear!

There is another Dave Hill who shows up ahead of me on Google who merely has a blog and doesn’t appear to be the world’s greatest anything whatsoever. I am pretty sure I can take him. Other Dave Hill’s threatening to do battle with me on the Google search engine include the Dave Hill who was in the British arena rock band Slade, Dave Hill the former baseball player, and Dave Hill, the British actor who appeared in such popular films as “The Full Monty,” “Sin Bin,” and “Digital Lust” (nice work, Dave!). I saw “The Full Monty” once and it is my sense that Dave was incredible. Still, he is not as popular as me on Google. And that has made all the difference.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

My Ninja Progress

I have recently begun training to become to ninja. So far it is going okay. While I hope to one day become a great ninja, right now I would like to think I am a pretty good ninja, noted for my stealthy moves and general disregard for danger. I can also whip my head around really fast, which tends to freak people out, especially when we're just sitting around having lunch or something.

Dave Hill