Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Blog Has Moved (For Real This Time)

It's true. My blog has officially moved here, complete with fancy RSS feed button and everything. I know I said that before and then backpedaled a bit, but this time it's for real- my blog is moving here. And look- I know things have been really crazy between us lately and I have said and done a lot of things that we both regret, but I am really hoping you'll come on over to my new blog address with me. It will be the same retarded blog (only with more profanity), just at a new address- this one. Plus, everything that has ever been posted here, will be archived over there. I know, I can't believe it either. Anyway, if you by chance read my blog regularly and maybe even bookmark it or have it hooked up to one of those fancy RSS feed things, I kindly ask that you change your bookmarks to this address, the new one and do that RSS feed thing over there. It's going to be really great. Trust me. I love you, like, a lot. So for real, starting now, go here, which is to say, the new address of my incredible blog that's on the Internet. The future is now!

Dave Hill

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Raspberries On The Mike Douglas Show

Here is a pretty great video of the Raspberries performing their hit "Go All the Way" on the Mike Douglas Show back in the '70s (I couldn't find an embeddable version for some reason, so you gotta click on the link). Lead singer Eric Carmen's hair pretty much deserved its own TV show if you ask me. Other guests on the show that episode were Joe Namath and Billie Jean King. They just don't do it like that anymore. Oh, if only I had a time machine.

Dave Hill

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Rejected + Conscience Point + Other Stuff

Guess who is totally in a new book that is coming out next week? Me! Yeah! Anyway, comedian/writer/magic man Jon Friedman has turned his popular Rejection Show into a book and I am totally in it along with a bunch of other comedians and writers sharing works and stories of being rejected at some point or another in their career. The book includes a story I wrote for a British magazine about my night on the beat the Cleveland police vice unit during which I tried to buy crack (for real!) and picked up a transvestite prostitute (also for real!). You can buy the book right here or probably in a store or something too.

Also, there is a live show/book release party next week at the Bell House here in New York featuring such fine folks as David Rees, Mike Albo, David Wain, Todd Levin, Odd Todd, Sara Schaefer, Tom McCaffrey, Katina Corrao, the Defibulators, and host Jon Friedman. Get the lowdown here.
In other news, last night- because I hate sleep- I decided to set up a MySpace music page to host some of the incidental music I’ve recorded for some of my comedy videos, specifically the music that is my sad attempt at being the bastard son of Ennio Morricone who lives in a studio apartment and has not access to a full orchestra. I have named the “project” Conscience Point for the time being. If I find time, it would be fun to make a whole album of this stuff (not that anyone would want to listen to it, but still). Anyway, check it out here. Maybe you will enjoy it on some level or another.

In still other news, I (and when I say “I” I mean my friend Mike) am making all sorts of updates and improvements on my website. For example, I have added a shitload of new videos the video page that weren’t there before. And I am getting the blog in shape over there too, complete with the much-requested RSS feed button and whatnot. So take things for a test drive, kick the tires, give it the finger, whatever you need to do. The future is...n-now!

Dave Hill

Kicking Ice

Tonight my hockey team the King Williams played a game against the team with the tan jerseys that people are still talking about to this day. Before the game, I ate some fake Mexican food with a friend at a vegetarian restaurant where a lot of the customers had dreadlocks. I am not a vegetarian.

After I ate the fake Mexican food at the vegetarian restaurant, I got my hockey equipment and went to Lasker Rink in Central Park where our game was. I showed up, put on all my hockey equipment like it was weird not to be wearing it all the time, and then walked out to rink to totally play hockey.

When I got out to the rink, I looked at the players on the other team with an expression that asked “Who wants to get there asses handed to them?”

The players on the other team then looked back at me with a look that seemed to ask “Are you kidding?,” which is exactly the kind of look people tend to give when they don’t want their asses handed to them. But it was too late- I had already decided to hand their asses to them.

“You better put out your hands,” I said to them by looking back at them and not really saying anything out loud, “because you are going to need them to hold your asses when I hand them to you, which I something that is going to happen very soon.”

Then I went out on the ice and played hockey like only a guy who is 1/4 Canadian can. I didn’t score any goals but I would like to think that my general contribution to the game was positive.

I guess at this point you are totally wondering who won the game. We won the game 4-3. Also, one of the guys on my team, Sean Crespo, just got a new kitten named Mr. Cutiepants. I don’t know if Mr. Cutiepants can solve crimes but I sure hope so. No one would see it coming.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The David Lee Roth Soundboard

Maybe you've seen this before. If not, I apologize in advance for making you lose a big chunk of your day today to it. It's the David Lee Roth soundboard. It's pretty great for leaving David Lee Roth-centric voicemail messages to pretty much everyone and anyone. You're welcome.

In other news, Shepard Fairey, the artist who did the iconic Obama "Hope" posters and is also responsible for those ubiquitous Andre the Giant stickers and posters, was interviewed by Terry Gross on NPR's "Fresh Air" yesterday. Interesting stuff. Check it out here.

Hmmm, what else. It's cold outside. Everyone is talking about it. It is on all the blogs.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


I was bummed to miss Election Day (though, yes, I did vote) because I was in London at the time, but I’m psyched to be in America on this exciting day. I’m watching the inauguration on TV right row and kind of kicking myself for not heading to DC for the whole thing. Then again, whoa- that’s a LOT of people. Imagine the lines for the port-a-johns. Still, it’s exciting to watch history on TV if not in person. Awesome.

Dave Hill

Wait, Wait- My Blog Is Staying Put...For Now

Okay, I admit it. I got a little over excited and announced my blog was moving (NOTE: I've since deleted that post to avoid further confusion. I think. Or maybe it's confusing to have deleted it and then add this post. I don't know really). And it is, but I've decided I still need to make a few tweaks before I can fully commit to that big move. So if you want to keep coming here for now until I make the big, final switch over to the new addres, which is here, you can keep coming this orginal recipe blog. Or if you want to keep going to the new address anyway, you can keep doing that because I will be doing updates in both places for the time being. I still want to make a few fonty/design/layout type changes over at the new blog, so until that's ready to go I will stick around over here. It's kind of like if you bought a new house and realized you really need to paint the living room before you can fully move in, so you keep the keys to the old place because it won't give you crazy dreams. Or something like that anyway. So yeah, you can go to the new blog now or you can wait until it's totally ready. Okay, that's all for now. I will type something completely unrelated to this a bit later today.

Dave Hill

Friday, January 16, 2009

Smiths/Speed Dating Night

Do you like the Smiths and/or Morrissey? Do you totally want to meet a special girl or guy? Well, if you answered yes to even one of those questions I just asked, then you should come to this new fun night I am hosting at the Black Rabbit Bar in Greenpoint called “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now: A Night of Smiths Music and Speed Dating.” I know, I know- it sounds almost too good to be true, but no, really, it’s totally happening for the first time on January 29th at 8pm. There will be speed dating and Smiths and Morrissey music from 8pm to around 9:30pm and then there will be Smiths and Morrissey music the rest of the night. There- I just broke it down for you. Holy shit! For more info on this whole thing, go to the official new MySpace page for everything I just talked about.

Dave Hill

Cinemax Christmas Videos Now Viewable in January

Hi there. It's not the holidays anymore, but I am hoping that won't stop you from enjoy these Christmas-type spots for the popular Cinemax channel. These videos have appeared on premium cable television- they have got to be good! I hope you enjoy them so much.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Audition Goes Bad

From my friend Jeff. Good stuff.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

New Valley Lodge Rock Song For You

Hi there. My unstoppable rock band Valley Lodge is finishing up a new rock record right now. You can hear our new song "Baby, It's A Shame" on our MySpace page right now. So, like, go over there or something. I hope you like it a whole bunch. It pretty much has everything.

Dave Hill

Monday, January 12, 2009

Weekend In Review

Mondays. Do not even get me started on this topic. Things are pretty crazy here at the office. I have twelve new interns starting today and they are all sitting on my bed watching me type this right now. Well, not really, but in an alternate universe the Dave Hill Enterprises winter intern program is in full swing. One can dream. And one does dream, like, a lot.

I had a pretty not-so-crazy weekend this past weekend, rarely straying more than a few hundred yards from my apartment at any given time (give or take a couple undercover missions I dare not speak of). On Friday, I ate some Spanish food at Sevilla, the popular Spanish restaurant down the street from my house. I like Spanish food and I particularly like Spanish restaurants in New York as most of the ones I go to (e.g. Sevilla, El Faro, El Quijote) somehow manage to remain fairly stopped in time in a really great way. While the rest of Manhattan slowly devolves into a wasteland of CVS stores, glass condos, and banks, the local Spanish restaurants make me feel like it’s 1988 or something. And as long as I’m on the topic- here’s to matching maroon blazers.

Last night, I headed to Highline Ballroom to see Dengue Fever and Marshall Crenshaw. I can’t decide whether I like or kinda, sorta hate the Highline Ballroom. Last night, they had tables and chairs all over the floor so people could sit and eat mini-hamburgers and stuff during the show. Don’t get me wrong- I love mini-hamburgers as much as the next guy, but- not unlike boning and swimming- I tend to think that rock-n-roll and snack foods don’t go together. I guess the Highline has to pay the bills somehow.

As for the music last night, Dengue Fever were great. They play ‘60s-style Cambodian pop music (or so I’m told- I don’t know that I’ve ever actually heard the real thing, so I don’t have much to compare it to). They are fun to watch and hear. And the lead singer is a scorcher. Maybe one day we will get married and she can take a break from things to go rock out with the band for a few numbers. I am not yet sure whether I will be having the chicken or the beef.

Marshall Crenshaw and his band were up next. He was well-dressed and great, one of the greatest songwriters of all-time in my expert opinion. I wouldn’t have minded if he broke out a few more of the hits though. I like hits. Come, Marshall, play the hits! But I like the new stuff too. Also, he shreds on guitar. I think my hair got singed at one point. More please.

In other news, thanks to my friends Mike and Jeff, I have been making some subtle yet groundbreaking changes to my website of late. I hope you enjoy them so much. It’s some pretty futuristic shit.

Okay, off the gym. What- do you think I just wake up like this?

Dave Hill

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Dumb Song About New York City

I wrote and recorded a dumb song about New York today. You can hear it here. I hope you enjoy it on some level. If it is too sucky for your ears, here is some of my more professional rock music to cleanse your earhole. I'm sorry for everything.

Dave Hill

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thursdays. Man.

Thursdays- will we ever really understand them? There’s a part of me that likes them because you can practically see the weekend from here. But then pretty much every day is exactly the same for me, weekend or not, so I’m not sure what I am getting all worked up about. I really need to bring it down.

I am in a near-coma today because I stayed up too late reading David Carr’s excellent junkie memoir “Night of the Gun.” Man, that guy really liked drugs. I mean, like, for real. I get all sick just reading it, and I’ve never even done any drugs before (unless you count alcohol and cigarettes, which I guess count). You should totally read it.

I also read- like tons of other folks I’m sure- Malcom Gladwell’s new book, “Outliers” (here seen with a weirdly different cover than the one I read) which I found really interesting and fun to read. Like his other books, it’s at once intellectual and academic while also easy for a dope like me to understand. And to paraphrase my friend Alessi, it will make you have a good think, especially if you are a 1/4 Canadian hockey player like me (this not-so-good joke will make slight sense to those who read the book).

Hmm, what else. Maybe I better get back to taking over the world. While I do that, you should watch this Kinks video for “Sunny Afternoon.” Dave Davies plays a Flying V on a snowy hillside. Last time I checked, that is pretty much how it’s done:

Dave Hill

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

More Shredding

I had a little spare time today so I decided to school pussies on how to shred at guitar again. I hope you like it so much.

Dave Hill

Ron Asheton R.I.P.: 1948-2009

Whoa. Just found out that Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton was found dead this morning. Sad news. That man could rock. Here is the story.

Dave Hill

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Past Few Days In Review

Mondays- am I right or am I right? Today is my first day back at world domination since the extended holiday break (a time during which I somehow still managed to largely dominate the entire planet despite not really trying all that much) and boy am I excited. As for the past few days (which is to say New Year’s and all that), however, I have been eating a lot and going to see movies.

On New Year’s Day (or maybe it was the day after), I went to see “Milk,” starring Hollywood’s Sean Pean in the title role of Harvey Milk. It was the gayest (literally!) and greatest movie I have seen in a while (with the possible exception of the movie I watched on cable the night before in which two ladies totally ended up lezzing out together). You should totally go see it. It will make you believe in the possibilities of people and goodness. Also, Sean Penn totally makes out with that dude from “Pineapple Express” in the movie. I never saw it coming.

On Saturday afternoon, I went to see the hit movie “The Wrestler,” starring cosmetic surgery’s Mickey Rourke, who is seriously great in this movie despite being largely unrecognizable from his earlier work. As hinted at in the title, “The Wrestler” is about a wrestler. Count me in. Also, Marisa Tomei shows her boobs in the movie (more than once! Thanks, Marisa!). My comedy friends Todd Barry and Judah Friedlander are also great in the movie, despite the fact that neither of them end up in a state of undress at any point.

On Saturday night, I saw “Hostel II,” which- as hinted at in the title- is the sequel to the hit movie “Hostel.” Against all statistical likelihood, I had already seen “Hostel,” so when I saw “Hostel II” was playing on cable, I had to jump right in. Not unlike “Hostel” (or “Hostel I” as it known to us diehards), “Hostel II” is about a hostel in Europe where people get kidnapped and then later sold to a slaughterhouse where crazy rich people pay to come methodically torture and kill people, something that the victims are rarely very happy about. As you can probably imagine though, the bad guys usually get their come uppance in the end and goodness is (sort of) restored (but never enough to rule out the possibility of another incredible sequel).

Of the many highlights of the hit movie “Hostel II,” probably the greatest was seeing the star of the hit movie “Welcome to the Dollhouse” (you know, that nerdy girl) get hung upside down fully naked and killed (not that I wish her harm- I was just glad to see her in any context). It seems like it might have been a bad career move for her, but still it was one I could not look away from. “Okay, I’ll do it,” one can’t help but imagine her saying to the casting director as she opted to let the call from her local temp agency go straight to voicemail. Show business can be a cruel mistress.

Here’s to hoping someone somewhere is writing the screenplay to “Hostel III” at this very moment. Fingers crossed.

Dave Hill

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Today Is The Day

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year + One Crazy Ass Fish

Alright, for starters, Happy New Year. I mean, let’s just get that out of the way right now. This year is going to be different. I can feel it. And I mean that in a good way that involves better hair and outfits for everybody and also a bunch of other good stuff besides that.

In other news, today I went to eat the fuck out of some dim sum and saw this fish hanging out upside down in the tank out front (He’s the fun one on the right). Make no bones about it- this fish plays by his own set of rules (the main rule, of course, being that there are no rules, especially when you are a fish in a Chinese restaurant). When we left an hour or so later, the fish was still totally hanging out upside down. I mean, hey, why not? You’re a fish sitting in a tank in a Chinese restaurant all day, you gotta mix it up every once in a while. I imagine when he finally gets scooped out of the tank and served up with some Szechuan sauce or something, all the other fish in the tank will be all like “That was one crazy motherfucking fish. Motherfucker used to hang out upside down all day. Shit was crazy.” Then they will probably just get back to doing mostly nothing until it’s their turn to die. It will be just like that.

Dave Hill