Monday, June 30, 2008

Totally Gay

Yesterday was the Gay Pride parade here in New York City. I tend to think parades in general are kind of gay, but this one was, like, seriously gay. And since I live in the West Village, a totally gay neighborhood, I was pretty much at ground zero as far as the gayness was concerned. Everywhere I looked there were gays being totally gay with each other and a lot of the non-gays who were checking out all the gay action that was taking place. It was a lot of fun for gays and non-gays alike, including me- a guy who is so totally not gay that it’s not even fucking funny.

To be honest, I missed most of the totally gay festivities myself because I was in my apartment doing stuff (which, for an apartment belonging to a non-gay, is actually pretty gay the more I think about it), but towards the end of the day I decided to step out and take in some of the gayness that people were breaking out without even trying. There were gay men, gay women, gay men dressed as straight women (my favorite was a big dude who was wearing a simple denim skirt and black tank top. He looked like someone’s friend from work who came in on the PATH train for happy hour and was also named Jan. It was a nice choice), gay women who looked kind of like suburban dudes who hang out at sports bars and stuff, and even a few gay dogs totally hanging out and being really gay. One second I’d be looking at some gay guy being all gay and I’d be all like “Dude, that is so gay” and then the next thing I know I’d see some other gay guy acting even gayer and I’d be all like “Oh wait, now that is totally the gayest thing I have ever seen.” Then I’d turn the corner and see someone else being even gayer than that really gay guy and the whole thing would start all over again. It was pretty awesome. And really, really gay.

One of my favorite things about the Pride Parade is the fact that there are cops in full uniform everywhere. I wonder if the irony is lost on them that they’re uniforms are, like, totally gay. I saw a bunch of them standing on a corner and I wanted to ask them which float they rode on but then I decided against it.

The only bad thing about the parade this year was that I never got a chance to catch up with Dykes on Bikes. Those chicks rule. And a lot of them ride around topless, which is awesome. We could all learn a little something from the Dykes on Bikes. I totally want one of them to make me their bitch or something.

Anyway, now it is Monday and this town is settling back down into standard gayness, which is still pretty gay but not nearly as gay as it was yesterday, the gayest day ever. There’s a part of me that wishes the Pride Parade were every day. It keeps things fun if you ask me. And I do love a parade. I guess I'll just have to wait until next year.

Dave Hill

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Yet Another Valley Lodge Song Totally Available For Listening To On The Internet

Hi. Sundays, am I right? Anyway, if you would like to hear some more rock action from my rock band Valley Lodge, you should totally go to our MySpace page all over again and listen to another brand new song we just posted. This one's called "Barricade" and it rocks balls, dammit. It was written by our man out west, John Kimbrough. It's good for driving, banging, whatever- pretty much like all of our other songs. I hope you like it so much. Go listen to it now by clicking right here. And while you're there, listen to all of our other songs on our Myspace page too. I mean, F it, right?

Dave Hill

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Another Valley Lodge Song Totally Available For Listening To

Hi there. As mentioned earlier, we are in the middle of mix the new album of one of my unstoppable rock bands, Valley Lodge. You can hear our newest new song "If You Love Me" by going to our MySpace Page, which is located right here. I hope you like it so much. Add it to your MySpace profile and stuff. Go crazy. It will seriously be a lot of fun and stuff if you do that.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

That Isabella

I have been deeply in love with Isabella Rosellini for about as long as I have been capable of such things. In an alternate universe, we hang out and talk about everything and nothing at all, try to figure out what to have for lunch, and just sort of, you know, be. It's pretty great. Anyway, you maybe have already seen this, but that Isabella created a bunch of videos detailing the sex lives of insects and other creatures from the non-human kingdom called "Green Porno." Girl getting all freaky- I love it! They are really pretty incredible. They are on the Sundance Channel but you can also totally watch them on the internet right here and you totally should, especially if you want to see Isabella Rosellini dressed up as a praying mantis, which is an image that's been getting me in trouble for weeks now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it so much. And Isabella- if you're reading this- just know that I love you more than you will ever know.

Dave Hill

Monday, June 23, 2008

Weekend In Review

Mondays- am I right?

It was an action-packed weekend full of all sorts of mayhem. On Friday night, one of my hot rock bands Children of the Unicorn played at Fontana’s to what is known in the trade as a “small but appreciative crowd.” I broke a string during the set from all my shredding, which hasn’t happened in a while. I guess I was just bringing a little extra heat or something. You’ll get that sometimes. I didn’t stick around for too much hangin’ and bangin’ after the show because I had to get up early on Saturday.

Saturday was spent shooting stuff that will appear at some point on cable television and also the Internet in conjunction with the upcoming election that everyone is talking about. I will keep you posted. After a long day of shooting, I headed over to Karma over there on First Avenue to do Greg Barris’ Heart of Darkness show, which was a lot fun despite the smoky basement. It’s weird how just a few years after the smoking ban I wonder how we all put up with that foul air all the time. Ah, we were just kids then, kids who loved to smoke like the wind!

I was pretty tired from shooting all day on Saturday so I ended up heading home soon after my set in that smoky basement. I stopped off along the way to stuff my face with some Italian food in hopes of recreating some of the magic from my trip to Italy. It didn’t work though. The shit just didn’t deliver even though the restaurant I went to was one of my favorite places to go pre-Italy trip. I guess maybe I’m ruined for a while. I did pick up a bottle of grappa before making the climb up to my apartment and that seemed to do the trick a little bit. I drank a small glass and then hid it from myself so I wouldn’t get into too much trouble. So far, so good.

Yesterday I went to the New York Bar Show over there at the Jacob Javits Center to make a new funtime Internet video that should hopefully totally be on the Internet sometime soon. As hinted at in the name, the New York Bar Show is all about the bar and alcohol industry and everything that goes along with it (except for the groping). They had all sorts of new liquors for the tasting that folks are hoping become really popular in America. There were also self-cleaning toilets (really something), mechanical bulls (harder than I expected), and free pizza (pizza-like in nature). Taking in all of that stuff in just a couple hours was a lot for my system to handle but I did my best to take it like a man. This morning I woke up with a headache and a big bruise on my wrist and was disturbed to remember that it was a mechanical bull and some drink called the “Skittle” that were most likely to blame. Oh, well anything for show business.

After the bar show mayhem, I headed over to the Beauty Bar to do a set on Vince Averill and Jesse Popp’s show. It was fun but dammit I was still really feeling the repercussions from the bull and the Skittle. I headed out right after the show and downed a pint of ice cream before I went to bed in hopes that I would wake up with something, anything else to blame for feeling lousy when I woke up this morning. Didn’t really work. I still feel like crap and now I just have one more (delicious) thing to blame.

In other news, last week my friend Kurt Hernon swung by my apartment to take some photos of my rock band Valley Lodge for our Japanese album that is supposed to come out soon. That is one of the photos above. Not too shabby. But I still can’t get the hair right. Some day, some day.

Dave Hill

RIP George Carlin: 1937-2008

Friday, June 20, 2008

New Valley Lodge Song Available For Totally Listening To

Hello there. As rumored in the Scandinavian press, my incredible rock band Valley Lodge has been hard at work recording an incredible new album. You can hear one of the new songs, "Comin' Around," now on our MySpace page, which is totally located right here. It is the perfect song to listen to while driving around, banging, or doing whatever else you want to do while listening to it. I hope you enjoy it so much. More to come soon.

Dave Hill

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bare Behind Bars

Last night I performed at the Rock-n-ROFL show over there at Piano’s. It was fun times. I skipped out before the Futureheads went on though because I was pretty wiped out. On the way out of the Lower East Side I stopped off at Katz’s Deli for a Knoblewurst (garlic sausage) sandwich to go, which quickly took me out of commission for the rest of the night (only in a really nice, garlic sausagey kind of way that I would totally do all over again right now if I could). As I stumbled west toward home in a garlic sausage-induced haze, I happened upon Kim’s Video off of Bleecker and decided to stop in.

And that is where I struck gold.

Sitting on the used DVD rack was a movie called “Bare Behind Bars,” a Brazilian film (awesomely overdubbed in English) directed by the great Oswaldo de Oliveira and priced to move at just $7.95. The tagline of the movie is “Behind bars no one can hear you scream.” When I got home though, I quickly discovered that the tagline should have been “Behind bars there is absolutely no reason to wear underwear or ever button up your prison uniform all the way either, cuz that shit aint’ stayin’ on for long.” Needless to say, it’s a pretty great film.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, “Bare Behind Bars” takes place at a women’s prison, a really awesome women’s prison where the female prisoners pretty much can’t stay out of trouble or in their clothes no matter how hard they try. Ditto for the female warden and prison guards who are constantly handing out their own swift brand of justice, which usually involves either hosing down all the prisoners to keep them from shivving each other or demanding that they remove all their clothes for no apparent reason pretty much every other scene in the movie. Sometimes the female prisoners get so out of hand that the female prison guards have to take them down into some crazy dungeon to punish them. Usually the punishment involves whipping them, hosing them down some more, grabbing the prisoners' boobs, making the prisoners grab their boobs, and then making the prisoners have sex of the girl-on-girl variety with them, which for some reason or another the prisoners never seem to be all that opposed to no matter how many times it happens throughout the movie.

It’s not all tough times in the women’s prison though. Every once in a while, the female prisoners get to hit the showers together and they really seem to enjoy that. About twenty or so of them will get all lathered up and then rub up against each other and scream and giggle a whole bunch like it was some kind of contest or something. Then they pair off and have sex on the ground outside of the showers, which of course ends up getting them dirty all over again so they have to hit the showers some more. Naturally, the female prison guards don’t like this so much so all of this just leads to more punishment. Then the whole thing starts all over again. It’s that awesome.

I should probably point out that I only had a chance to watch the first fifteen minutes of so of the popular film “Bare Behind Bars” last night. I hope am hoping to dig in to the rest tonight. I will return with my full report very soon. I promise. You know I wouldn’t leave you hanging like that.

Dave Hill

When In Rome And Stuff

Oh yeah, I meant to mention this a couple posts ago, but when we were in Rome we stayed at this awesome bed and breakfast called Residenza Maritti. It was awesome- centrally located, reasonably priced, insane views of the city, and just delightful all around. If you ever go to Rome, you should totally stay there. Thanks to Gianluca for making it all happen.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Two Children Of The Unicorn Shows You Should Totally Come To

Hi there. If you like rocking rock music of the rock variety, I am totally suggesting you come see me rock balls with Children of the Unicorn this Friday, June 20 at Fontana's over there at 105 Eldridge Street. We rock it at 11:30pm, but come early and see the Tall Pines too, dammit. Then on Wednesday, June 25 you should totally come see us rock balls at the Mercury Lounge over there at 217 East Houston Street when we open up for Moby's new band Little Death. We go on at 8:30pm, a completely reasonable and rock-capable time of the evening. Shit's gonna be crazy, heat will be brought, hanging and banging, the whole deal. You should totally come, like, for real.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Italian Invasion

I’ve just returned from a long weekend in Italy and man that shit was crazy. All the signs were in Italian, everyone was speaking Italian, and shit was just pretty Italian in general everywhere you looked, which I guess shouldn’t have been all that surprising the more that I think about it but even still I never saw it coming for some reason. Newark to Rome- it’ll mess with your mind. Anyway, I am not Italian by blood, but- as the people of Italy will no doubt tell you- I pretty much ruled the fuck out of that place. Here’s how it all went down:

My friend Giancarlo’s family has a crazy ass mini-castle (or castelleto as people like me who totally speak Italian now call it) in the town of Sezze, which is about an hour and a half south of Rome. There was some crazy shit going down with the castelleto itself though, so we ended up staying at the villa right behind the castelleto, which was awesome. The picture above is the view out of the window of one of the rooms I wasn’t supposed to go in because Giancarlo said a ghost in a green bathrobe (one of his dead relatives) lives in there and he gets pissed if people mess with his shit. Still, the view out his window was better so I was all like “Fuck it- the ghost is gonna have to just deal for now, goddammit.” He seemed okay with it in the end though as my shit was not messed with.

After we got settled in the villa, we headed to a restaurant in town called Da Santuccio. I hate to be all like “The food in Italy was so good I can never eat food anywhere else ever again” or anything but it’s pretty much true. That shit was from the fucking future. Antipasto, assorted and awesome meats, pastas, wine, espresso, grappa- I was all over that shit like a Japanse tourist on a Marc Jacobs store. I almost had to take my pants off.

After we stuffed our faces, we headed over to some beach town that I can’t remember the name of and drank some more espresso and grappa and also looked at stuff. The picture above is of some building that I thought looked real purdy-like. Behind/above it was something called “the White City”, where we totally walked around for a bit and looked at more Italian stuff. Later that night, we ate at some excellent restaurant while staring at the Mediterranean Sea. Shit was awesome.

The next day, we got all suited up and went to the beach in Sperlonga. Giancarlo told me we might see some topless women at the beach so I asked him to drive a little faster down the Appian Way (pictured above through the windshield), which is a totally old road in Italy that the ancient Romans used and everything. I remember learning about it in Latin class back in high school, so it was pretty cool to be hitting it myself after all these years. Sometimes life comes full circle.

The beach itself was pretty cool and- generally speaking- very beachlike in general. We laid around and got tanned and sunburned to varying degrees and also went into the Mediterranean Sea, which was blue and just rough enough to make me want it more. Down the beach a little bit there is a big mountain (pictured above) that everyone says looks like a man lying down and they are right. More specifically, to me it kind of looks like a big, green sleeping George Washington but then again I am still jetlagged. As for the topless women, that is not one of them in the foreground. That is just some dude hanging out with his kids. I did see one topless woman that day though and she pretty much looked just like him only with slightly bigger breasts. Be careful what you wish for.

On the way back from the beach that day, we stopped off at an Italian night club, which turned out to be more of an Italian strip club/whorehouse as best I can tell. As for our part of the deal, money changed hands but only for our drinks I swear. Out front I spotted some nice airbrush artwork, pictured above. I am thinking of using that photo somewhere in the album artwork for the new Valley Lodge. It pretty much nails it.

In the interest of me stopping typing and you stopping reading, I will just say that the rest of our trip was spent driving from town to town, eating and drinking some more, looking at more stuff, get sunburned on the beach, wondering what everyone was saying in Italian, not paying for sex, and eventually going to Rome to see what all the fuss was about. Rome delivered on its promise, but I have to say- for this trip anyway- I preferred hanging out in the smaller towns and doing as little as possible other than looking out at views like the one above and saying “Shit, these Italians are some lucky motherfuckers.” I said it in English though so for once everyone around me was just as confused as me. Maybe we’re not so different after all.

Dave Hill

Rock N ROFL Show At Piano's Tomorrow Night

Hi. How are you? Super, I hope. I wanted to tell you that tomorrow night I am totally going to be on the Brooklyn Vegan/Klaus Kinski presented Rock n Rofl show over there at Piano's on Ludlow Street. The popular British band the Futureheads will be performing along with me, the excellent Mike Birbiglia, and one more rock band and a few other comedy types of great importance to be announced any second now. Anyway, it's gonna be loco. There is free French beer all night too. I am not making this shit up. You should totally come. I mean, fuck it, right? Shit will probably sell out I'm guessing so maybe get your tickets in advance or some shit.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Do Not Even Get Me Started On This Topic

Seriously. I don't know who I like more- this little pig or the person who had the moxie to put those little boots on him. I hope they gave themselves the rest of the day off after doing this because they really hit it out of the park. A piglet in little rubber boots- it doesn't get much better than that. I mean, come on- it's, like, not even fair. Where's this little guy off to? Look at him- he's all business with those boots on. "Outta the way! I gotta go get that little boy out of the well if it's the last thing I do!," he seems to be saying. I love it.

Dave Hill

Morrissey, "All You Need Is Me"

Here is the new video (at least to me anyway) for the excellent new Morrissey single "All You Need Is Me." I kind of wish he would have thrown a few monster trucks or female body builders into the video or something, but other than that I'd say this pretty much nails it. Morrissey sings and plays the tambourine while the band rocks out and then Morrissey walks along and sings while the rest of the band trails behind him with their cool hair and stuff. This all goes on for about three and a half minutes until you're all like "That was pretty fucking sweet" and then maybe want to watch it again. At least that's how it happened with me. Then again, I'm an easy target, you know, since I really like Morrissey and all. Anyway, I hope you like it so much. Watch it now or I will completely lose it.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I Totally Cleaned The Fuck Out Of My Bathroom Last Night

I don’t know if this has already been reported on NY1 or maybe or something, but just in case it hasn’t I should probably put the word out there: I cleaned the fuck out of my bathroom last night and holy shit was that shit incredible. It had been a long time coming too since I’ve been living at my current residence for about a year and a half now and had yet to really set sponge to tile (as they say in the trade) the entire time. There was quite an ecosystem going on in there too, but last night I decided to finally take back the night on that fucker once and for all. The neighbors are still talking about it.

I got it all started by scrubbing the tub. I sprinkled some Comet all over the fucking place and then just sort of stared at the porcelain (or whatever the hell that tub is made out of) for a few minutes before really digging in. I even got into the tub itself to do it. I took off my socks and everything. This shit was serious.

After I got done scrubbing the tub itself, I worked my way up to the tiles surrounding the tub. And since no one knows better than me exactly what’s on those tiles, it was a daunting and humbling task. Still, I dug in like an ex-con let loose in Times Square in 1978. It was awesome. The shower tiles were all like “What the fuck?” and I was all like “How you like me now?” I really got those tiles pretty clean. And thank God you can’t really catch anything from your own germs.

After I finished bitchslapping the general tub area, I decided to make my way down to the floor. I sprayed that shit with some floor cleaner shit and within minutes the entire floor (including behind the toilet) could consider itself totally scrubbed the fuck out of. You would have thought that floor was getting ready to go make its First Communion or something it was looking so motherfucking clean and angelic. Damn.

After I got done fucking up the floors, I started to attack the cabinets. As a man who stays in hotels often, I have roughly ten years-worth of hotel soaps, shampoos, conditioners, mouthwash, toothpaste, and various lotions to contend with when I open up that shit. I thought about emptying all the bottles and whatnot into one giant bottle that I could use for all-purpose body washing/moisturizing/breath freshening and/or looking incredibleness, but then I was all like “Fuck it” and started organizing the various products in order of classiness. Four Seasons (Who cares if I was only there for an hour? That shit was paid for!) to the left, Days Inn to the right. Barring any exceptional hygiene issues, I should be set until well into 2019 provided I ignore all that lather, rinse, repeat bullshit (according to something I read once, some guy at a shampoo company- Prell or something- just came up with that so they could sell more shampoo. And it totally worked! Motherfucker got a plaque and everything.).

Once I was through whipping the cabinets into shape, I started fucking up the general sink and mirror area. I cleaned that shit so good that if I could serve lunch on a vertical plane, I would totally have motherfuckers over for lunch on my bathroom mirror right fucking now. Windex, 409, Fantastic- if it comes in a bottle, chances are I sprayed that shit all over my mirror last night. Fuck it.

After I got done with all that shit, I moved on to the toilet. Man, was that a wild scene. I thought about setting it on fire to really kill all the butt and weiner germs once and for all, but then I just sprayed some pine-scented bullshit all over the place, covered my nose and mouth, held back the tears, and got down to business. It was pretty incredible. I got that motherfucker so clean I’ve been holding it in ever since.

By this point, everything was all pretty much cleaned the fuck out of, so I focused my efforts on organizing my various store-bought lotions, creams, and fragrances that I leave out in the open for up-to-the-minute clarifyin’ and beautifyin’, which took up pretty much the rest of the night. I cursed under my breath most of the time, but then I caught a glimpse of my radiant skin in the mirror and remembered how crucial all 46 products really were to making this (I am pointing to myself as I type this) happen.

Anyway, now I’m all like “What the fuck am I gonna do now?” I feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll see what’s going on in the kitchen.

Dave Hill

Metal Cares

As usual, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to helping people lately, like, on a global scale. Originally I was thinking about assembling an all-star heavy metal band comprised of some of the biggest heavy metal stars of the ‘80’s to record a heavy metal song for charity. And I was pretty excited about it too. That was, of course, until I remembered that somebody already did that with Hear ‘n Aid, an all-star heavy metal band comprised of some of the biggest heavy metal stars of the ‘80’s. Hear ‘n Aid was formed as a reaction to that “We Are the World” song and also that “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” song that Bono and a bunch of other European people sang on. Rainbow and Dio bass player Jimmy Bain thought the heavy metal community could probably make a pretty sweet song for really hungry people too and next thing you know Jimmy, Ronnie James Dio, Ted Nugent, Yngwie J. Malmsteen, and a bunch of guys from Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Dokken, Quiet Riot, Rough Cutt, Queensryche, Blue Oyster Cult, Y&T, Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, W.A.S.P., Night Ranger, Giuffria, Journey, and even Spinal Tap were all hanging out in the studio recording a song called “We’re Stars.” I can’t even imagine what the catering must have been like. Can you imagine helping yourself to a big plate of macaroni salad while the Nuge is right there next to you making a ham sandwich or something? Man, that would be awesome.

Above is the video for the “We’re Stars” song mentioned in the last paragraph. Personally, I think they could have just gone from the beginning part where Dio sings “Who cries for the children? I-I Doooooo” straight to all the guitar solos. And then they should have just let Yngwie and George Lynch trade off the whole time. But- hey- that’s just me. I’m a purist when it comes to shredding. And all these years later, still no one has addressed the elephant in the room: Where in the hell was Ratt? My guess is that they were banging groupies in Tokyo that day or something. Otherwise I just can’t understand why Carlos Cavazo couldn’t have just swung by Warren DeMartini’s house on the way to the studio or something. You know it was on the way. It’s just weird any way you slice it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this song and video on some level or another (and there are many, so if you can’t find at least three or four levels to enjoy it on, well, I just don’t know what to say to you anymore).

Speaking of incredible guitar playing, I was avoiding work around the house today and decided to crank out a brief yet incredible instructional guitar video for the world to enjoy. Watch it now because I will probably come to my senses and remove it from YouTube any second now. It’s that dumb. Here it is. I apologize in advance for blowing your mind:

Dave Hill

Sunday, June 08, 2008

The Accordion Incident

It’s Sunday, over a week past the opening of the “Sex in the City” movie, and I still haven’t seen it yet. I don’t know what sort of cruel joke I’m playing on myself but I’m pretty sure it can’t go on much longer.

Anyway, it is pretty hot outside and- not unlike the “Sex in the City” movie- people just won’t stop talking about it, including me. I have air conditioning in my apartment but it’s really only effective if you press your body directly against it, which makes it difficult to sleep among other things. Yesterday (in this crazy heat), I happened upon a street fair (it was actually across the street from my apartment so it didn’t really take much happening upon- I pretty much just had to look across the street), where I spotted an old accordion on sale for $120. I’ve been wanting an accordion since about the mid-90’s, so I was pretty excited about it. Still, I decided to play it close to the vest and acted not all that interested in it to the guys who were selling it. My plan was to return later and try to snatch up the accordion just as the guys who were selling it were packing things up for the day.

And it almost worked.

At around six o’clock yesterday, after a seriously killer workout at the gym, I swung by the street fair again. And- just as I had planned it- there was pretty much no one still there except for the guys I saw trying to sell the accordion a few hours earlier. There they were packing up their junk in the slowly setting sun. It was exactly as I had imagined it. I’d walk up just as they were gonna load up the last of their stuff into the truck (including the accordion) and I’d be all like “Hold up a second- maybe I can save you the trouble of loading that accordion back into the truck. Does....$40 do anything for you?” And then they’d be all like “$40? Hell, we’d probably pay you at this point for taking it off our hands! It’s yours!” The only problem was when I finally got up to the table there was no accordion in sight.

“Where the fuck is the accordion?,” I sort of asked.

“Oh, we sold it. Of course we sold it! You thought we wouldn’t be able to sell that beautiful accordion? Fuck you!,” one of the accordion-selling guys said something along the lines of back to me. “We sold it to a musician too! He could really play it,” he added as if to suggest that I wouldn’t know what to do with an accordion if it punched me in the nuts.

“I’m a musician too,” I whimpered, my $40 accordion dreams shattering before me.

“Oh,” he replied before getting back to packing up his boxes and stuff.

Now I sit here, accordionless, wondering what went wrong. And who is this fucking musician guy who snatched up my accordion while I was off building up my soon-to-be accordion-wearing shoulders at the gym? Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is if you see a reasonably priced accordion for sale on the street you should totally buy it before some other fucker does and you are left to face your sad, accordionless existence head on. Damn.

Of course now I still have accordions on the brain and figure I have to go out and buy one or something. I can’t wait to get in on some of that hardcore banging that undoubtedly comes as a result of owning an accordion and (most likely) sort of being able to play it a little bit. It’s going to be pretty awesome. I’ll keep you posted.

Dave Hill

Friday, June 06, 2008

The Past Few Days Or So In Review

It’s been an action-packed week bordering on just plain electric. On Monday night, I hosted “Tell Your Friends” over there at Lolita Bar on Broome Street in the heart of the anything-goes Lower East Side. It was a fun and crowded show featuring a weirdly attractive audience. Todd Barry, Todd Levin, Jon Daly, Michele Carlo, and, of course, Liam McEneaney (It’s his show) also performed. That is a picture of Todd Barry I took on my phone during his set. I pretty much nailed it. At the end of the show, Liam, Jessica, and Shana (the fantastic show people) surprised me with a birthday cake (my birthday was gonna kick in at midnight). I totally didn’t see that shit coming. What nice people! And the cake was delightful.

Tuesday was my actual birthday. I can’t believe I’m almost 30! Gross. Anyway, like most birthdays, I pretended I didn’t want to do anything for it until the last minute and then I totally ended up doing something. Some friends and I met up at Lederhosen, the popular German-type place over there on Grove Street. It was fun and I drank too much (you know, birthday and all) and ate the fuck out of some German food. Afterwards a few of us headed over to Marshall Stacks on Allen Street where my friend Patrick holds his Tuesday night music session (people hand off an acoustic guitar to each other and play songs and whatnot. Don't worry, no one wears sandals though). I drank too much there too and even ended up playing a few songs against my better judgment. I focused on the hits. Pitchfork is going to do a huge writeup about it later today.

Wednesday was spent mostly in tears (you know, hangover. Older but not wiser- am I right or am I right?), but that night I went to see my friend Lucy Wainwright Roche play her hits at the Living Room. It’s nice to see her in a small room. Someday she will play stadiums and I probably won’t hear a note because I’ll be backstage the whole time digging into the cold cut tray and stuff. Then she’ll come offstage and I’ll be all like “That was really great! Have you tried the pastrami?” It will be just like that. I’ll probably have some cool outfit on too.

Last night I went out to Southpaw in Brooklyn for the South Toward Home benefit, which featured Andrew Donnelly, Michael Showalter, Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler, Toddy Barry, and Eugene Mirman doing comedy and Neko Case and my friend Lucy (mentioned earlier) playing some hits together. It was a really fun show and everyone hit it out of the park. Afterwards a bunch of us went over to Union Hall and I drank a couple beers before I remembered I am never going to drink ever, ever again.

In other news, above is a picture I took of a little Mexican (I think) picture box that is in the window of a little card and knick-knack shop near my house. As you can probably see, inside the picture box is a bunch of people making picture boxes. My head practically exploded once I figured out what was actually going on.

Finally, here is a video by my friend, the great Mike Albo, doing his Underminer character. Mike is from the future. I hope you enjoy this video so much.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My Incredible Comic Con Video

Hi there. Recently I attended Comic Con NYC at the Jacob Javits Center, which is right here in town. This video is all about my day there. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Monday, June 02, 2008

Helena and Me

Mondays- am I right? I have been suffering mild plague-like symptoms the past couple days I’m guessing as a result of my on-the-go lifestyle and also my penchant for licking door knobs and stuff. Well, I have learned my lesson and have finally decided to slow down (a tiny bit) and stop licking stuff all the time. That’s just common sense.

In other news, my friend Leeza sent me this story last week about a homeless woman in Japan who had been apparently been living in a storage space in a man’s closet for the past year. I feel sorry for her a bit but mostly I just admire her gumption. With that kind of can-do spirit it’s a wonder she became homeless in the first place. I also wonder whether her strategy was to just sleep in the closet space and then get out and enjoy the day or did she just spend most of her time balled up in that closet just waiting for the time to pass? I hope I don’t ever find someone living my closet. Unless it’s supermodel Helena Christensen or someone. That would be pretty great, but also kind of weird the more I think about it. You’d think she could do better. Then again I’m glad she chose me.

In the interest of full closure, I have to admit that the reason I’ve got supermodel Helena Christensen all on the brain like that is because I saw her in my neighborhood the other night. I’m pretty sure she lives right by me because I’ve seen her a few times now. Anyway, every time I see her the whole thing starts by me thinking “Hey, there’s some pretty lady in the corner of my eye I’m pretty sure.” And then I look up and it turns out to be supermodel Helena Christensen and then I’m all like “Oh, I guess that makes sense that I am struck by the beauty of this person even though I can only see her out of the corner of my eye. It’s supermodel Helena Christensen.” In my fantasy, after I spot her she then notices me and says “Hey there. You know, I’ve been looking to date a completely average looking man of limited prospects. You in or what?” And then we go get Chinese food or something. Helena, if you’re reading this, I am the guy in the T-shirt with the brown hair. Just let me know. Oh, and you can order whatever you want.

Dave Hill

R.I.P. Harvey Korman: 1927-2008