Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Children Of The Unicorn This Friday At Knitting Factory

Given my penchant for rocking and all, I wanted to let you know that this Friday night my other hot rock band Children of the Unicorn will be rocking at the Knitting Factory over there at 74 Leonard Street at 9pm. Right after us, Girls, Girls, Girls, an all-female tribute to Motley Crue will be playing. Does this town have everything or what? I know- I can't believe it either. Anyway, you should totally come. You like good times, right?

On a side note of great importance, I also wanted to mention that Harry Allen, Public Enemy's "Media Assasin" and wise man in general, recently named Children of the Unicorn's "Night Shark" song "the greatest dumb metal song ever." How cool is that? You can read where he totally said that right here.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

New Valley Lodge Album

As rumored in the Scandinavian press, my hot rock band
Valley Lodge is about halfway done recording our new and second album, which will include ten incredible songs. The picture above is of some of our amps that we were totally going to use on the record but ended up not using after all because we ended up just using some other amps instead so now they are just sitting in the hallway looking cool. We are recording most of the album at Beauty Rock recording studio in scenic Queens. It is a cool studio and there is a good smoothie and juice shop nearby so we are totally drinking healthy drinks all the time while we are recording the hits.

I am recording some additional bits and parts of the record in my apartment while our other guitar player John Kimbrough records a bunch more tracks simultaneously at his home studio in Los Angeles. It is a futuristic process that would have been quite difficult to do back in the last millenium. When we’re all done recording the individual tracks for the album, we will get everything together and then mix the fuck out of it, turning some shit up and turning other shit down in various places until we get it right. I am looking forward to hearing the end product. As far as I can tell, the songs are a little simpler and more rock-oriented than the songs on our obscure first album (which is soon to be re-released in Japan and hopefully followed by a full Valley Lodge invasion of the Asian invasion). There is a lot more shredding on the new album too, which is never a bad thing. Most of the songs appear to be about chicks though upon further examination they are actually about the human condition and also banging.

I am mostly excited to put our new album on in my apartment and listen to it while I clean the bathroom or something. What happens beyond that is anyone’s guess. Maybe we can get a song used in a deodorant commercial or something. I tend to think the record will be good to listen to while driving though (and also banging, though I personally don’t tend to put it on for that as I have trouble listening to my own voice while not wearing pants).

As for titles for the new album, the jury is out on that one too, though right now “II” seems to be the frontrunner in my brain. I would also like to put a naked chick on the cover, sort of like Roxy Music and the Ohio Players used to do. You really can’t go wrong with that sort of thing (unless of course you want to show the album to your mother, in which case you should probably not have the naked chick on the cover).

Anyway, I will keep you posted on all of this and then maybe you can go clean your bathroom or go driving or bang someone while listening to our new album too. Talk about good times. We have pretty much nailed it with this one.

Dave Hill

1/4 Canadian

Today, in tribute to my much-rumored 1/4 Canadianness (my grandfather was from Ontario), I would like to share with you a highlight reel from the career of the great Montreal Canadien Maurice "Rocket" Richard, known French Canadian and one of the greatest hockey players ever to lace up skates. The first player ever to score 50 goals in one season (1944-45 NHL Season), Rocket was so great that when the league suspended him for deliberating injuring another player (and a ref while he was at it) in 1955, the people of Montreal rioted and even pelted NHL president Clarence Campbell and his fiancee with eggs and garbage the next time they tried to attend a Canadiens home game. As if all that weren't enough, Rocket played on the same line as someone named Toe (the also legendary Toe Blake, that is). What are the chances? Now that's old time hockey.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 26, 2008

Ira Glass On The Dave Hill Explosion: Video Evidence

Hi. Thanks to the futuristic new comedy website, I can now share with you some excerpts from my recent (March 20, 2008 to be exact) Dave Hill Explosion show featuring star of radio and television Ira Glass from NPR's This American Life. I hope you enjoy it so much. There's some interview stuff above and below is a song I wrote and sang for Ira featuring the inimitable
Phil on backup wails.

Dave Hill

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Happy Birthday, Morrissey!

49 and he still has the best hair in the business.
Dave Hill

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Dave Hill Explosion w/John Oliver + Doug Gillard + Brett Gelman TOMORROW At The UCB Theatre

Attention People of New York City:

Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to remind you one last time that TOMORROW, Thursday, May 22 at 9:30pm, I will once again be delivering the goods big time in the form of my gravity-defying one-man examination of the human condition known to all sorts of people as the Dave Hill Explosion. I realize, of course, some of you may recognize the date May 22 as the very same date that the Greek army of Alexander the Great defeated Darius III of Persia in the Battle of the Granicus in 334 B.C. (a wild scene by all accounts). Or maybe that date brings to mind that one time the Hashshashin totally tried to assassinate Saladin near Aleppo, which is out of town. Or maybe it has got you thinking of the day in 1826 when the HMS Beagle departed Plymouth with that nutjob Charles Darwin aboard. And if you think my show won't be incorporating all of these things as well as an examination of a bunch of other stuff that happened that day in history, well, you are in for, like, a seriously big surprise. The New York Times is already calling the thing where I draw parallels between the Hashshasin and the ‘78 Mets "unparalleled, a must-see for baseball fans and Fatimide Dynasty enthusiasts alike!” Likewise, the Wall Street Journal describes my one-man, 20-minute silent reenactment of the time in 1842 when farmers Lester Howe and Henry Wetsel discovered Howe Caverns after stumbling upon a large gaping hole in the ground as "right on the money!" Anyway, I really hope you can make it, if not for all of that stuff then at least for the part of the show where I celebrate the birthday of Japanese admiral and known poonhound Toyoda Soemu (b. 1885) with a cake-cutting ceremony and brief reading of Soemu fan fiction. And as if all of that is not enough, I will of course be joined on stage tomorrow night by my incredible guests John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Doug Gillard (Guided by Voices). The great Brett Gelman will also be joining me on stage for a very special performance you simply must see to believe (HINT: It's going to be hornet-riffic!). Come- won’t you? You can reserve tickets right here.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Coffee And Shredding With Yngwie

Whether you play guitar or not, this video is incredible in, like, 50 different ways.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 19, 2008

Shit That I, Dave Hill, Am Totally Into Right Now

Today I figured I’d practice my typing by writing about some stuff that I, Dave Hill, have been totally digging lately. I can’t remember if I wrote about this before, but the first thing that I am totally digging is T-post, which is sort of like a magazine that comes in T-shirt form to your house where you live. T-post is based in Sweden and- as you probably already know- those motherfuckers are from the future. Anyway, every six weeks you get a cool T-shirt that has an interesting article printed on the inside of the shirt. Then on the front of the shirt there is a cool design or illustration that is somehow based on the article on the inside of the shirt. Get it? I know, how cool is that? For a guy like me who likes reading stuff, looking at art, and wearing T-shirts, T-post pretty much nails it. If these shirts gave handjobs I would probably never even have to leave the house.

Another thing I have been really liking lately is a restaurant by my house called dell’ Anima. I was turned on to this place by a friend of a friend and I have been loving that shit ever since. They serve lots of excellent pastas and risottos and meats and good wines and stuff and it’s awesome. Yesterday I went there for brunch and it was kick-you-in-the-nuts good. I can’t even get into it. Don’t start going there though because I don’t want it to get too crowded. Oh, alright, you can go. Fine!

This weekend I finally got to the Peter Beste Norwegian Black Metal exhibit at the Stephen Kasher Gallery over there in Chelsea and that shit was awesome. I got the book and everything. If you live in New York, you should go, fucker.

Another thing I have totally been getting into lately are wolves. What are they thinking? What do they do all day (I mean besides howling at the moon, sleeping, creeping around, and killing stuff that never saw it coming)? Nobody knows really. Still, I love them just the same. And as for those guys who wear ironic wolf T-shirts- watch out! If you ever ran into a wolf in real life it would be game over.

Dave Hill

The Dave Hill Explosion w/John Oliver + Doug Gillard This Thurs. May 22 at the UCB Theatre

Attention People of New York City:

Mondays- am I right? Anyway, this is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this Thursday, which is to say May 22 on the Roman calendar, I will be showing up at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea for yet another hour or so of top notch entertainment priced to move ($5, which is seriously, like, not very much money considering you get to hang out in a dark basement with me, Dave Hill, a guy with whom it is totally fun to hang out in a dark basement). I am, of course, referring to my critically acclaimed triumph of the human spirit known in the medical community and also on the posters for my show as the Dave Hill Explosion. That sh*t starts at 9:30pm. Yeah, I know- I can't believe it either. File under: just another day in the life of being this guy. I was pointing to myself for the last part of that sentence. It made it harder to type but ultimately it was worth it. Anyway, as you can probably imagine, my show this week is going to be pretty incredible on several levels, not unlike the mighty salmon, livelihood of the coastal dwellers and awesome fish in general, that- against all odds- fights its way upstream and ultimately to its death just for a few seconds of hardcore fish banging. Folklore has it that salmon return to the exact spot where they were born to spawn. Similarly, my show this week will take place on the very stage where I first came to know the love of a good woman (and in the same socks). As if all of that is not enough, my guests at the Explosion this week will be similarly awe-inspiring. For example, the great John Oliver, popular Daily Show correspondent and known British person, as well as the great musician Doug Gillard, whom you may know from his brilliant solo work or as the guitarist for indie rock legends Guided by Voices among other stuff, will be on my show. Not too shabby. Anyway, I totally hope you can make it. You, me, John Oliver, and Doug Gillard in the same basement? I have been waiting for that sh*t my whole life. You can get tickets right here.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Magic Of The Internet

Here's a few fun Internet things that have been sent my incredible way of late. Above, thanks to one of the greatest Dave Hill Explosion guests I have ever had, Lady Bunny, Hitler sings the theme song to "The Jeffersons." It's really something.

My friend Leeza hipped me to a couple extremely useful sound effects, here and here. Make them a part of most parts of your life right now.

And finally, from the great Lawrence Scaduto, comes "No Country for Gay Men," which is also quite something. Here it is:

No Country For Gay Men from Lawrence Scaduto on Vimeo.

Dave Hill

Sun Kil Moon

My friend Jeff hipped me to Sun Kil Moon, which is not so much a band as it is a solo project I guess. The Sun Kil Moon song "Carry Me Ohio" is so pretty and perfect that I can't really even listen to it. Click above to hear what I'm talking about.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 12, 2008

People Think I Am A Woman

This may come as a surprise to “some,” but there is something that I have been struggling with throughout most of my adult life. And no, it’s not alcoholism or my sexuality (though there are definitely some people who would tell you I have problems with one or both of those things). Oh fine, I’ll just come out with it: about once every three months or so, someone mistakes me for a woman. I am not troubled or offended by this or anything, just puzzled since, you know, I’m six feet tall, weigh around 175 pounds, and have worn fairly prominent sideburns for at least the past decade or so. I just don’t think I look at that much like a chick when it gets right down to it, that’s all.

When I was in my early twenties, a time when my hair was longer and my skin fairer, it made a little more sense to me that people thought I was a female person. I remember being at a Mexican restaurant in Cleveland with my mother and the waitress came over to our table and said “Ladies, can I get you anything to drink?” My mother and I both got a big kick out of it (though I imagine a part of my mother was also dying inside). And that’s usually how it goes- I’ll be at a restaurant or a store counter of some sort and the person working there will say “Can I help you ma’am?” or whatever. I never correct them either- I just let it slide and usually they just try to recover and act like they didn't just mistake me for a person without a penis. In a way, I’m actually flattered that people mistake me for a lady. It’s sort of a compliment to my delicate features maybe. Then again, maybe they just think I’m a seriously ugly broad, the kind that sailors talk about late at night in their creaky bunks.

Recently, I was in Philadelphia for the night and was having a drink at a bar when a barback pushed past me while saying “Excuse me, miss- I just need to get by here.” My friend Leeza can confirm he was speaking to me and not anyone else. A week or so ago, however, things were taken to a whole new level when I was walking down the street in Washington, DC and a homeless woman began chasing me down the street with a pylon while laughing and telling me that my “pussy stinks.” This really got me thinking. Someone looks at my face and thinks I’m a woman. Sure- I get that. But someone claiming that they can actually smell my vagina? That is some serious next level shit right there. I must admit, however, that if I did in fact have a vagina, it certainly would stink. Like daisies, that is! Frickin’ crazy homeless lady- she’s got a lot of nerve. For the record, I gave her the leftover Chinese food I was carrying at the time- even after the accusations of me having particularly stanky lady parts. I hope she was happy.

Anyway, I’m not really sure what to make of all this. I guess there are worse problems to have really. In fact, this isn’t really a problem when you think about it. And- if nothing else- I’ve been taking extra care in the shower of late and really giving myself a good scrub, you know, downtown where the problem appears to be (at least according to that homeless woman who ate my Chinese food).

In semi-related news, my friend Martha sent me the video below. If I were ever actually going to be a woman, I could certainly learn a few tricks from this one:

Dave Hill

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Philadelphia Invasion

Today I write to you from aboard a train cruising at a seriously fast speed along the Eastern Seaboard between New York City and Philadelphia. Last night I took part in the “Bedtime Stories” show at the Shubin Theatre over there on the corner of 4th and Bainbridge in the City of Brotherly Love (which is Philadelphia or “Philly” as it is sometimes known by the locals and other people too). The theme of the show was “college” and I closed the show with a commencement speech to the graduating class of the imaginary school St. Beyonce State. It was fun times and I got to meet lots of nice and talented folks.

Prior to my Philadelphia invasion, I did two brief interviews with some reputable Philadelphia comedy blogs that you can totally read if you want right here and here.

After the “Bedtimes Stories” show, I headed over to a nearby bar called the Tattooed Mom with sister, who totally lives in Philadelphia, and some folks from the show. We drank stuff and it was more fun times. There were even a lot of tattooed girls at the bar who will probably be tattooed moms themselves someday, some maybe as soon as nine months from last night I’m guessing.

After hanging out and drinking stuff at the Tattooed Mom bar, I went back to my sister’s house to sleep on the couch. Since my sister and her husband totally have a baby, I ended up only sleeping a few hours what with how early babies tend to wake and be all wanting stuff and all. That was okay with me though because I totally wanted to hang out with my newish nephew Luke and get a better sense of what his deal was anyway. Apparently he’s really into breast milk, puking on himself, and shitting his pants, not unlike most people his age I am told. But as far as people who are into that sort of thing go, he is pretty adorable and fun to be around. You just gotta keep a paper towel handy.

This morning my sister, Luke, and I ran out for a quick breakfast before I headed back to New York. My sister had some sort of eggs frittata dish and I had something callled the “Cinco De Mayo special”, which- as hinted in the name- was for the most part Mexcellent. Luke had a fruit cup, but to be honest he barely touched it. It was more of a prop really. We’ve all been there.

Toward the end of our meal I noticed something moving around in the jalapeno slices I had ordered on the side in an effort to take my Mexcellent breakfast to the next level. I tried to convince myself it was some melted cheese that was somehow bubbling or something, but upon closer inspection I discovered it was a worm of some sort, a worm that was still totally alive and moving around in my breakfast. My sister and I figured this is the sort of thing that just happens sometimes when you go ordering fresh jalapenos on the side, so we decided to roll with it and not call the cops or anything. This is just the sort of thing that happens in nature. We did tell the waitress that there was a worm in the jalapenos, but only because we didn’t want any other customers to go ordering the worm-filled jalapenos, not because I was mad about that shit or anything. And for the record, those jalapenos were totally taken off the bill. Thanks, lady.

After breakfast, my sister dropped me off at the 30th Street train station in Philadelphia, which film buffs might remember from the hit movie “Witness,” starring Hollywood’s Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis. In the beginning of the movie, a young Amish boy goes into one of the stalls in the bathroom and while he’s in there he just so happens to witness a nasty murder. One thing leads to another and next thing you know Harrison Ford, who plays a tough-talking cop in the movie, has to go find the kid back at his Amish place so he can tell Harrisonn Ford about the murder and stuff. Anyway, since I had a little time to kill and all, I decided to head into the very same bathroom and mount own my own one-man, one-act reinterpretion of the murder in one of the stalls in there, thanks in so small part to the two cups of coffee and the Cinco De Mayo breakfast from earlier. Gross!

In other news, the photo above is of a car I saw parked on the street as my sister and I headed home last night. I don’t know who the owner of this car is or how even gets behind the wheel of that thing, but I salute him nonetheless. Now that’s living. Keep up the good work, big-wheel-car-driving-man- your excellence has not gone unnoticed by me, Dave Hill, a man who knows from motherfucking awesome.

Dave Hill