Monday, April 30, 2007

Dave's Catch O' The Day: Lucy Wainwright Roche's "8 Songs" EP

Hi there. I wanted to tell you about some music you should go buy and then listen to over and over again. It is Lucy Wainwright Roche's new EP, "8 Songs," which was recorded just blocks from my home. If you listen closely, you can almost smell me in the distance. But enough about me- Lucy's songs and voice are so great, it's kind of scary. She also does a few covers that will kick you right in the nuts with their awesomeness as well. You can buy Lucy's EP on iTunes or by going to her MySpace page. I have listened to it roughly 40 times in the last 48 hours. If you find yourself in New York City, Lucy is opening for her brother Rufus on June 5 at the Gramercy Theatre. Until then, you can watch this clip of Lucy performing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" with Rufus in Europe this past summer.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

King Of Miami: The Popular Music Video

Hi. How are you? I am fine. Thanks for asking. If you click on the above window, you can watch a music video that my friend Phil and I made (well, we didn't make it, but we're in it. Dammit.) to accompany our soon to be wildly popular television program "The King of Miami," which- as mentioned in previous posts- will be broadcasting to you on the futuristic Mojo network starting on May 7th at 9:30pm. I hope you enjoy it (show and the music video). If you want to go straight to the page on which the video is located, you can go here. Okay, so that's pretty much the deal with that. Good luck!

Dave Hill

The Sheriff Of Prospect Park

Here is a new video I did for the popular comedic website Superdeluxe, which is from the future. It stars me and my friends David Rakoff and Brad Steuernagel. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Explosive Explosion

It is Sunday and I have been eating an exceptional amount of meat products all weekend, starting on Friday with two hamburgers and then raging into Saturday with a steak and- later- some chicken wings. I had a pastrami sandwich today and am thinking of hitting the streets to try and eat some more meat products before the weekend is officially over. Why? Because I don’t fuck around.

In other news, the Dave Hill Explosion this past Thursday was maybe my most explosive Explosion yet. As rumored on the Internet, my guests were Dick Cavett and Rufus Wainwright. Dick came out first and moonwalked and generally blew minds for a while. Then Rufus came out and played two songs from his new album, “Sans Souci” (not sure if I’m spelling that right) and “Going To A Town,” both of which were amazing. Then he came over and joined me and Dick behind my desk to finish off an evening that I will never forget. That is the three of us sitting there in the photo above in case you hadn’t already put that together on your own. There is a nice writeup and photos of the show over at the reputable Brooklyn Vegan website (I can't talk about the show too much because I lived it, dammit).

Another exciting thing that happened on Thursday is that I was also joined by Little Shakira a/k/a Little Michael Jackson a/k/a Little Alex a/k/a the incredible person in the photo above. If you are ever looking to “take things to the next level,” this is a good place to start. He’s with me though, so don’t even think about it or I’ll cut you.

Dave Hill

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Daily Disturbance

Here is something to keep your day exciting and/or upsetting. The above photo is of my friend Phil's nether regions during the video shoot we did last week for my soon-to-be-wildly-popular program "The King of Miami," which is coming to you in the futuristic high-definition format on the futuristic Mojo network.

In other news, last night on the Internet I watched part of an interesting webumentary (I just coined that phrase this second. Use it if you wish but please give me full and constant credit. Then again, maybe someone else has already come up with that word) on Norwegian Black Metal, specifically about the band Gorgoroth. You can access it here. I didn't want it to end.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Parking Tickets! Am I Right?

I have just finished paying a bunch of parking tickets I got on my recent trip to scenic Los Angeles. I got four total over the course of the week that cost me a combined total of almost $200 and all could have been avoided if I had just managed to carry a few quarters with me everywhere. Since I am retarded and usually late for appointments and stuff, I instead just parked my car, kept my fingers crossed, and ran into wherever I had to go. Usually it didn’t work out. This isn’t a very good story, but hopefully we all learned a lesson, dammit.

Speaking of bad news, that is pretty crazy and sad news about the shootings at Virginia Tech. Hurray for guns! I hope this doesn’t give them a bad rep. Normally guns do so many good things for us, it’s so weird when something negative happens with them. Okay, that is my biting and sarcastic social commentary for today. Maybe I will be asked to go on CNN or something. I better do some laundry.

Dave Hill

Friday, April 13, 2007

Ballgag Bob

In keeping with this week’s theme of posting embarrassing photos of myself on the Internet, above is a photo of me from a pilot I was in last week starring the excellent rock band the Upper Crust. I was in a short scene in which I played a character named Ballgag Bob, who- as the picture suggests- is into S&M and whatnot. Believe it or not, I had never worn S&M gear before. It’s not my thing really (though I must admit I kind of dig the hotpants). I realize a lot of folks are legitimately into it, but it all seems very 1994 to me, kind of like barb wire armband tattoos and stuff. Remember that period where America was all like “anything goes” and stuff and next thing you know some guy from the high school football team was all like “Look- this is the Chinese symbol for life!”? Now we just have those guys with fauxhawks to remind us how crazy life can be sometimes. How do they do it?

Anyway, the Upper Crust pilot looks really funny. I hope the show makes it onto the airwaves. America will be a better place for it.

Dave Hill

Thursday, April 12, 2007

King Of Miami And Other Topics

It is raining like a motherfucker here in New York City and I honestly just can’t stop talking about it. Anyway, a couple of days ago, my friend Phil and I shot an exciting music video in some big warehouse in Brooklyn to promote my exciting new television show “The King of Miami,” which debuts on May 7 on the futuristic television network Mojo, which totally comes to you in the futuristic high-definition that most people can’t even handle.

The video was lots of fun to make and- as hinted at in the photo above- featured three attractive ladies in bikinis who danced around and looked really pretty all day and stuff. I am trying to be a pretend douchebag in the photo but if you look closely you can see that I kind of look more like an actual douchebag. You be the judge. Anyway, the video should be done soon and will be on the Internet and stuff so I will mention it here and then you can go watch it and circle will be completed.

After we finished making the incredible music video, our buddies from the futuristic high-definition television network mentioned earlier took me and Phil to dinner at BLT Prime, a steak restaurant that we both found to be really, really classy, even for us, two of the classiest guys we know. I ordered a big rib eye steak and ate the fuck out of that thing. The steak came with a chunk of bone that had the bone marrow all cooked up inside and then a little spoon for you to eat the marrow with. It seemed kind of interesting but just tasted like a bunch of fat so then I was all like “What the F? You’re not even trying!”

For dessert at the classy restaurant, we had a couple of chocolatey, moussey type things and I also ordered a glass of grappa, which always seems like a good idea but then the next day I feel like someone beat the crap out of me. I think I need to put myself on the road to wellness or at least on the road to not hammeredness for a while. I am starting with the man in the mirror. I am asking him to make a change.

In other news, if you find yourself in the East Village of Manhattan this evening, I will be performing at the popular ”Get Psyched!” show over there at Rififi (332 East 11th Street) at 8pm. Rob Lathan is the host and he comes highly Dave Hill-approved.

In still other news, a couple weeks ago, my downstairs neighbor died of causes that are unknown to me. Since I haven’t lived in the building all that long and rarely see my neighbors anyway, I wasn’t sure which person died but thought I had it pinned down to this one guy whom I would see occasionally. Then yesterday I saw the guy who I thought was the one who had died and he was totally alive and walking up the stairs. I wanted to scream “You’re alive! You’re alive!” but then I thought that might have weirded him out. I wonder what someone would think though if they found out that a stranger totally thought they were dead for like two weeks. Would his whole life flash before him? Or would he just think I was a retard? I will be losing sleep over this one for a while.

Dave Hill

Saturday, April 07, 2007

At The Rock Show

Last night, the sweet rock band that I shred in, Children of the Unicorn, played a rock show at Crash Mansion here in New York City. It was our third show and fun times all around. The photo above was taken by the inimitable Anya Garrett and is my favorite from the batch she took last night (you can can see more here if the mood strikes). This is a photo of the brains behind the operation, Phil Costello, during one of the last songs of the night when he invited Dr. Chops onstage to shred for a little bit while he wore his glasses. I think Phil should think about getting some glasses like that for real. They make him look kind of crazy, but in a nice way.

Here is a photo of me doing some rocking out of my own. I’m not sure what song I am playing in this photo, but you can bet your ass I was bringing the heat like a motherfucker. Or maybe I was just tuning. Really it’s hard to say. If you look closely, however, you might be able to tell that I ate a large serving of sizzling beef and white rice at the Chinese place next door right before the show.

Dave Hill

Friday, April 06, 2007

Oh, Look- More Pictures Of Me. Also, The Schenker Brothers Flying V...Finally!

It is Friday and I am experiencing coma-like symptoms so I figured it would be a really great time to just post pictures of myself here on the Internet. If you like staring at me half as much as I like too, then you have just hit a street called Easy. Anyway, the above photo is of me and Hollywood's Zane Lamprey in the El Mirage desert in California where we were shooting promos for our respective television programs on the futuristic Mojo network, which is in mindblowing high-definition so you can see my pores and stuff. Zane's show is called "Three Sheets" and features him traveling the world and drinking stuff. That is a pretty good job as far as jobs go. My show, of course, is the "The King of Miami" and it comes onto the television on May 7. Brace yourself. Dammit.

Speaking of me, last night I performed at Livia Scott's new show at the PIT along with Baron Vaughn, Shayna Ferm, and Sean Crespo. That is totally a picture of me standing there and saying something really interesting in the photo above. Thanks to Anya Garrett for perpetuating my narcissistic tendencies by sending me this photograph.

Finally, something that has little or nothing to do with me- Dean Guitars is making a guitar available that pays homage to the German guitar playing brothers Michael and Rudolf Schenker from the Michael Schenker Group and the Scorpions respectively. I would like to meet the person who buys the guitar for they are a truly special person for reasons I can't even get into right now.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Watch This Video Now, Dammit!

Here is great video by my friends Kristen and Kurt. Watch it now or I will stab you. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Wednesdays. Do Not Even Get Me Started On This Topic.

Hump Day- am I right? That is a reference to the day that it is today, Wednesday. I imagine if I had a job where I had to not be in bed right now as i type this (actually, I am at a coffee shop, which is just as gay, even gayer even), the prospect of Hump Day would be of great concern to me. But since I am a self-made hundredaire, I laugh at such things, heartily in fact. And then I put some pants on and stare blankly out the window for a while.

Anyway, I’m not really sure what all that bullshit in the first paragraph was about. I’m projecting maybe. Whatever that means. More importantly, however, above is a photo I took on my cellular telephone yesterday of two dogs totally just hanging out in the window of a hair salon that I have contemplated going in many times solely because they have these two cool dogs hanging out inside. “Come for the dogs, stay for the layers that will take a couple weeks to get used to!” That is just one of the many clever slogans that I have come up with for the hair salon in question in my spare time. I know, I know, How do I do it? Anyway, these dogs seemed like tons of fun. I imagine the owners say stuff like “That’s (insert name of sleeping bulldog here)- he just likes to lie around a lot. Yes, he's a shleepy, shleepy dog! Aren't ya, (insert name of sleeping bulldog here). And that’s (insert name of French Bulldog that is looking around vigilantly here)- he’s our watchdog! He’s a tough little guy! Watch out! No, I’m just kidding- he won’t hurt you.” And then they will start asking you about what you want to do with your hair. Maybe you’ll pick up a book or magazine and point to a picture of someone with really great hair and you’ll say “That! Make me look like that!” And then the hair-cutting person will say “Ha! I am not a miracle worker! No, just kidding- you are a much better looking man than Lorenzo Lamas.” The next thing you know you are out 100 bucks and your friends are all like “Wow- you are really going for it. Good for you! Good. For. You. I think it is so great that you’re still at it.”

Dave Hill

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Puppies And Then Some Shit That Totally Doesn't Have To Do With Puppies

Today is Tuesday and I am back like some kind of motherfucker or something. Well, sort of anyway. At least today is better than yesterday, a day on which I was just not full-on Dave for some reason. Things picked up later in the day though as I went for a walk and happened upon the puppy in the photo above. He (or she. I’m not sure- couldn’t see the crotch) was just hanging out in a pet store window on Christopher Street (I think) here in the West Village, where I am totally living like a motherfucker these days. I’m not sure what kind of dog he is, but something tells me he is going to grow up to look adorable in little knit outfits and such. I tried to get a nice photo of him looking at me straight on but then he turned away, the little fucker. Keep that up, little dog, and you’ll die in that pet store window! No, wait, that’s too harsh. Anyway, he was a cute one and made me believe in life and love once again, if only for a moment before I returned to the embrace of a dark world view.

Last night I did the show Totally JK at Rififi, hosted by Joe Mande and Noah, whose last name I don’t know right now (but I will someday!). They are two really funny guys. I had to run out to a high powered meeting right after I performed so I missed the rest of the show, but I had good times while I was there. Speaking of shows, on Thursday I am doing a new show at the PIT over there on 29th Street hosted by Livia Scott. The e-flyer for it is totally right above this paragraph. It should be fun times. Totally go!

This morning I appeared in a comedic video being shot by some friends for the magical Internet. My friend whose apartment the shoot was totally at had an issue of Playgirl Magazine on her coffee table. Since I am so totally not gay that it is not even fucking funny, I had never actually looked at Playgirl before but I decided to give it a whirl just so I knew what I was talking about next time the topic of donger porn came up. To be honest I was expecting Playgirl to be full of dudes with big swinging dicks, the kind that cause entire city blocks to be bathed in shadow. Surprisingly, however, most of the dudes in the magazine seemed to have pretty average dongers, so average in fact that I was like “Whoa, dude- you really think you should be advertising the fact that you totally don’t have a huge donger like that?” I mean, I’m just sayin.’ It seems like if you’re gonna take your donger out and pose for photos in a magazine, you should have a big crazy donger that will really get people talking. Then people will be all like "Oh, I totally get why he took his donger out and showed it in that magazine. It is on the large size and- understandably- he wants to the world to know." Then again, what the hell do I know? This entire last paragraph aside, I try not to spend too much time thinking about any dongers other than my own (which happens to be completely tiny. Ha! That is a joke! In fact, it is quite the opposite. Just ask your mother! Ha! There I go with the jokes again. Guess who is on fire! This guy!).

Hmmm, I don’t really want to finish this entry with talk of dongers so I will have to think of something else to talk about for a second. Oh, I here is a picture of some hot chick being ripped off by a band of gypsy ducks. It is now that I have seen everything. Am I right or am I right? Am I right?

Dave Hill

Monday, April 02, 2007

Assorted Topics And Stuff

Mondays- am I right? It is so gray outside. I am listening to old Van Halen records to try and turn things around and so far it's not working that much. But I think things should kick in shortly, probably after the guitar solo. I can feel it, dammit.

Anyway, above is a photo of my rock band Valley Lodge rocking out at Mercury Lounge this past Thursday (Thanks to Joel for the photograph). As you can see from the photo, we are now a power trio as our man John Kimbrough has moved to Los Angeles. Phil, the bearded bass player, thinks he has man-boobs in this photo but I disagree. They look like awesome pecs to me. I was hoping I would be shredding in this photograph but it looks like I’m just playing a chord or something. Trust me though- I can shred like a motherfucker, though- to be fair- I think I have man-boobs sometimes too. I guess we all have those days.

In other news, on Friday I bought a jar of McClure’s Pickles, made by my friend Bob and his pickle-making family. I think I have mentioned them here before but they are so good it is worth mentioning them again. I never really consired myself a “pickle guy” until recently, having discovered McClure’s Pickles, Wheelhouse Pickles, and Bruno’s Peppers (which are not pickles but a pickle product so I am counting them anyway). Now I’m all eating pickles like a motherfucker. Shit is cluttering up my fridge and everything. If you ask me, pickles are the new indie rock. Watch out for them. Do not resist them. Let them get all up in your shit. They will change you.

Dave Hill