Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Stolen Dinosaur Jr. Gear

Bad news- some a-holes stole Dinosaur Jr's equipment after their show at Warsaw last night in Brooklyn. Here is the full scoop. Hope they get their stuff back. That sucks massive balls. I can't see how anyone would get too far with that stuff though since it's all pretty rare and customized stuff and would be easy to spot. Hope I'm right. The rock must continue.

Dave Hill

Minnesota Invasion

I’m sitting on the tarmac of the Minneapolis airport as I type this, which is great. My flight to JFK was already delayed an hour and now we- the other people on the plane and I- have just been told that we’ll have to sit out here for another hour before our “wheels up time” (wheels up time, I have discerned, is what the pilot-types call the time when the plane goes in the air. That’s when they take the wheels up into the plane so they’re not sticking out anymore and no one dies. It all makes sense if you really think about it, which I just did). There are a couple of bears sitting in front of me who don’t seem to be taking news of the delay very well. One of them told the flight attendant to “shut the fuck up” under his breath once word was handed down. I point all this out not to suggest that bears are a naturally feisty bunch (being so totally not gay it’s not even funny, I really wouldn’t have any idea)- it’s just that these two bears in particular seem to be getting pretty fired up and since it’s the only source of entertainment I have at the moment I just thought I’d share it with you.

As for me, the delay isn’t bothering me all that much. I’m actually kind of enjoying the Dave-time, just sitting here typing and listening to music (I recently unearthed my copy of Soul Asylum’s “...And The Horse They Rode In On” and loaded it into my computer. It came out in 1990 it’s their last seriously rocking album before they became MTV stars and shortly thereafter fell off the radar. They just released a new album though and I’m hoping they got back to rocking). So there is that.

Anyway, after less than 24 hours back in NYC, I got on a plane to scenic Minneapolis yesterday to make some more exciting television. I’m not supposed to talk about it on account of the unofficial show business code of silence but this much I can tell you- it is going to be on BASIC CABLE. Can you feel the magic? Yeah, I thought so. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Damn.

As places go, I like Minneapolis a lot. I have been here a bunch of times before playing in rock bands. Whenever we played at First Avenue or 7th Street Entry, we’d eat at the Chevy’s down the street because we weren’t afraid to throw a little money around. I’m generally against chain restaurants but I have to admit they’ve got a way with a fish taco at that place.

Also on the Minneapolis front, some of my favorite bands/musicians of all time are from here- the Replacements, Husker Du, Walt Mink, and Prince, for example- so this town holds a special place in my heart. I came here for my cousin’s wedding a few years ago and that was good times too. I still owe him and his wife a present. I gotta get on that shit. I’ve always wanted to send steaks in the mail. I’m told they ship them in dry ice. Maybe it’s time.

Since I’m not Steven Seagal or anything, I didn’t have my own trailer while shooting here in Minneapolis and- as a result- didn’t have my own bathroom either. I did have my own water and coffee though, so after a while I had to go super bad, so I snuck off into the woods near the street we were shooting on. In the interest of full disclosure, it had been a while since I took a leak in the woods. And you know what? It was just as exciting as I had remembered.

Along the way too pissing all over the woods, I stumbled upon the treehouse in the photo above. I always wanted a treehouse when I was kid but empty refrigerator boxes in the neighbor’s driveway was as close as I ever came. Still, that was pretty magical in its own way too. It’s just nice to get away from the folks every once in a while I guess.

Dave Hill

Monday, August 28, 2006

Ain't No Trip To Cleveland. Wait, No, Actually It Is.

I’ve just returned from a short visit to my hometown of Cleveland on my way back from scenic Miami. It was good times all around. I mostly just slept and whatnot, but that’s kind of what I needed more than anything after ruling the fuck out of Miami for a few days. Sometimes even I need a break from the glamour and whatnot.

Aside from taking a lot of naps, I saw a few friends and their new kids, who were a lot bigger than the last time I saw them. Some of them even stopped wearing diapers. Speaking of which, I also went to my Aunt Helen’s 90th birthday party. 90! Holy shit. I wonder if I’ll ever be that old. Some days I hope so, some days I hope not. Anyway, the party was good times and surprisingly rocking for a 90th birthday party. My aunt is really healthy too, so much in fact that she seemed in a lot better shape than some of the 70 and 80 year-olds that were on the scene. And no, she doesn’t wear diapers. What the hell is wrong with you? I was just using that as a clever transition. It was too easy, couldn’t pass it up. Anyway, I’ll have to find out what her secret to life and living is.

While I was home, I also saw the hit movie “Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man,” which- as the title suggests- is about the great songwriter Leonard Cohen. It was really good and full of all sorts of familiar faces singing Leonard Cohen songs and talking about Leonard Cohen. Leonard does some talking too and seems like a really cool guy. At the end, he sings a song with U2 and then you’re all like “Damn, I wish that motherfucker would get out there and play some shows.” Maybe he will. In the meantime, go see the movie.

One thing I had hoped to do while I was home was to stop by Great Lakes Brewery in the Ohio City section of Cleveland, but I didn’t have time. It’s one of my favorite microbreweries in the country (Bell’s and Rogue are my other two faves). It’s not some bullshit place either, like Heartland Brewery, or something. It’s the real thing- you can buy that shit in stores. I’ve been going there since I was a teenager (shhhh). Anyway, as fate would have it, the Great Lakes Brewery operates a little bar at the airport in Cleveland and it turned out to be right across from my gate. I had some time to kill so I stopped in for a drink. I didn’t feel like having a drink, but I figured this would be my last chance to have any Great Lakes beer (they don’t sell it in New York as far as I know) for a while so I decided to saddle up anyway. I got a big Edmund Fitzgerald Porter, which is my favorite by them. After the bartender served me my beer she offered to pour me a shot for an extra two bucks. I turned it down but I was happy to get the offer. That’s one of the things I love about Cleveland- it’s a cheap date. Or I guess maybe I am. Either way, it’s working for both of us.

Dave Hill

Thursday, August 24, 2006

More Morrissey Mayhem

In my ongoing effort to do my part for Morrissey, here is his video for his new single "In The Future When All's Well." It's pretty much just him and his band pretending to play on an Italian variety show (as best I can tell), but it's still pretty excellent in my opinion. And I don't say this about anyone very often, but Morrissey has better suits and hair than me. A friend of mine just saw Morrissey at the V Festival in England and said he rocked balls (or at least that was my interpretation of what she said). I hope he tours over here in the U.S. soon but so far I haven't heard anything. Until then, you can just watch this video a bunch of times or something.

Dave Hill

Another Funtime Video For You To Watch

Here is a video I did recently in which I interview a pet psychic who can talk to dead dogs and whatnot. It is now on the popular website on the Internet, located, again, right
here. I hope you enjoy it on some level or another.

Dave Hill

The Magic Of Pee-Wee

Here is an excellent video of Pee-Wee Herman from the Late Night show in the early '80s. Pee-Wee is the king as far as I'm concerned. I love the trampoline routine he does at the end and how he almost breaks character while warning his spotters to be ready to catch him.

Dave Hill

Escape From Miami

Today I am writing from the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina. I am on a layover on my way from Miami to my hometown of Cleveland, where I am going to hang out for a few days before heading back to the Big City. As I type this, there are two young kids- a brother and sister I’m guessing- pacing back and forth next to me. It is some kind of game as best I can tell and it is driving me insane. I want desperately to stab them but I will hold off for now, at least until I finish typing.

Anyway, getting back to Miami, it was a fun four or so days. Yesterday was a big day of shooting stuff and my spray-on tan really rose to the occasion. Apparently spray-on tans tend to really kick in after a day or so and mine was no different. I went from George Hamilton-like to Tandoori chicken-like to borderline Al Jolson-like over the course of about 24 hours. I think the extra blast I gave myself (the lady at the spray-tan place gave me a can of touchup spray) I gave myself first thing in the morning helped take things to the next level. You can get a sense of things in the photo above. The tan really makes my teeth sparkle if you ask me. The good/bad thing about having a tan like this though is that I tend to forget about it as soon as I’ve been away from a mirror or any other reflective surface for a few minutes. Everyone else, however, seems to notice it pretty much all the time. It’s kind of hard to have a normal conversation with a stranger (or anyone really).

Joining us (me and the show business people) in Miami these past four days was my good buddy Phil, who is playing my sidekick/bitch/bodyguard on this thing we’re totally shooting. That’s him in the yellow sweater and sweet beard above. We had a good time pretty much ruling the fuck out of this place together the past few days. He pretty much just stands there looking sweet while I do all the talking. It works out pretty well for the both of us.

At one point during the day yesterday, Phil and I went to something called the Howard Austin Feld Gallery on Lincoln Road, which is a popular street in Miami with all sorts of stores and restaurants and whatnot. If you like photos of naked chicks that have been touched up in an artistic fashion via the computer, you could do a lot worse than to check out Howard’s gallery. Phil and I really liked this one photo Howard took in which you can totally see the chick in the photo’s private parts and Howard Austin Feld was so nice he gave us a great big copy to take home with us totally free of charge. Not only does Howard Austin Feld take sweet photos of naked chicks but he is really nice too. You can see the excellent photo of the naked chick above (WARNING: It is mature in nature, unlike me and Phil). I am going to visit my parents right now, so I decided to let Phil hang on to it for the time being. It’s covered in plastic so I’m not too worried. I think it’s going to look pretty great over the couch. That bastard better hand it over though as soon as I get back into town.

Okay, I have to get all ready to fly and shit now so I better go. In case you wondering though, the kids who were pacing back and forth next to me at the beginning of this entry have finally tired out and sat down with their parents. The odds of me stabbing them have dropped considerably.

Dave Hill

Monday, August 21, 2006

Looking Sweet In Miami

It is day two of my Miami invasion and things are really picking up for me. Today I acheived one of my longtime goals of getting a spray-on tan, just like Paris Hilton gets. In fact, the lady that did my spray-on tan does Paris when she is in Miami (I am not lying about this), so needless to say my spray-on tan is pretty fucking sweet. Then again, you have eyes and you can totally see from the photo above that my new spray-on tan is pretty incredible. I’m not sure why I’m all shiny but I’m guessing the glare might cut back once I take a shower or something.

In the interest of half-full disclosure, I got the spray-tan for an exciting television thing I am shooting down here in scenic Miami this week. Don’t worry, I will explain it all in full detail at a later date. The tan only covers certain areas of my body, which really adds to the fun. I’m not sure why Paris and all the other people who get spray-on tans don’t do this too, but whatever- they don’t rule the fuck out of everything like I do so I can’t expect them to be down with all the same shit I am.

Aside from getting sweet spray-on tans and whatnot, I have mostly been walking around and eating today. Tonight, my partners in crime and I ate at a place called the Blue Door, which is located in the Delano Hotel, which is across the street from the place we’re totally staying. It was pretty delicious- I had some crazy mushroom and taro ravioli, some pork loin of some sort, and some cheesecake. Generally I prefer my food to come in big piles or- better yet- a trough, but this fancy stuff did me right anyway. I keep seeing signs around Miami for a sandwich called the Midnight Sandwich (or bocadillo de medianoche as our Spanish-speaking friends like to say) and I am determined to eat the fuck out of one of those things before I leave. I will keep you posted on this and other topics in the very near future. Until then, I will be doing my damndest to get spray-on tan stains out of pretty much everything in my hotel room.

Dave Hill

This Moment In Black Metal

Here is a pretty great interview with bassist Necrobutcher and Blasphemer from the world's greatest black metal band of all time (besides Witch Taint, of course) Mayhem from the "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey," which I haven't seen in its entirety but am told is pretty excellent. Anyway, this interview is pretty special. We could all learn a lot from Mayhem if you ask me.

Dave Hill

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Taking Over Miami

Today I write to you from scenic Miami, Florida. Actually, I think technically I am in South Beach, which is a part of Miami I guess. I’m not sure really. I got here this afternoon and am still trying to figure it all out. As best I can tell though, I am in the area where Marc Anthony and/or people who would really like to be friends with Marc Anthony hang out. Despite all this, however, I’m not really hating it that much, which is strange for a person like me who hates most things in life. A lot of the buildings here are in the deco style and are painted in soft pastels and bright whites, which for some reason are agreeable to me at the moment.

Last time I was in Florida, I was almost arrested for no apparent reason. They have vagrancy laws down here and if you look like riff-raff, which I guess the cops/the fuzz/the pigs/johnny law thought my friends and I did at the time (we were in a travelling rock band, which historically is a sign of trouble), they can roust you if they feel like it. They saw us walking around aimlessly, looking in store windows and whatnot, and didn’t like it. We ended up not being carted off in the end but I have since learned not to go shirtless in this state, unless poolside or oceanside of course (and even then I often avoid it, though for other reasons entirely).

Anyway, I am here for a few days making some television and am staying at the Catalina Hotel, which is small and arty and adorable, as you can see from the photo above. That’s me sitting on the bed in my room. There is a cool red light that hangs above the bed, presumably to highlight all the hardcore boning that must usually go on in these rooms. Sadly, however, I am staying here all alone, so I guess the only hardcore boning that will go on in this room while I’m here will take place in the mind (and on the Internet).

On another note, if you look over my right shoulder in the photo above, you can see a large book of photographs propped up on the moulding of the room. I didn’t notice it at all until it came crashing down at random a couple hours ago and scared the crap out of me. It’s one of those “art books” though so I’m thinking it might have some nudie photos in it. And for that reason I can’t stay too mad at it. I’ll keep you posted.

I stepped out for dinner tonight (Italian) and along the way happened upon a liquor store called Big Daddy’s. I’m told it’s a chain of some sort. Anyway, I like the guy with the beard (who is presumably Big Daddy himself). I’m guessing he is supposed to look like some big hairy guy that is not opposed to drunken good times, kind of like a low rent Ernest Hemingway or something. I wonder if the people who run Big Daddy’s know that he also looks like a big gay bear. Not that that’s a bad thing- either way, you’re bound to sell a few drinks if you’ve got a big guy with beard on the sign out front. And- as if to prove my point- they seemed to be doing a brisk business.

Meanwhile back at the hotel, there is a bar downstairs that looks like quite the funspot. The photo above is of one of the seating areas I passed on the way back to my room. There weren’t many people firing it up at the time, but as you can tell from the bright colors and the crazy tables and chairs and all, this is a bar where good times can be had pretty much any time if you really set your mind to it. It’s right next to the pool too, so really there’s no end to the mayhem if you think about it. This afternoon I took a walk down to the pool to have a look around and folks were hanging out in swimsuits and drinking some drinks, all of which of course only furthered my impression that it’s good times all the times when you’re down here in scenic Miami. Unfortunately however, I was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans at the time and after a couple seconds I started to feel like everyone at the pool thought I was just some creepy dude who came down there to check out chicks in bikinis (which- to be fair- I was), so I headed back up to my room to take a nap.

Okay, um, that is pretty much the deal with me at the moment. More on this and other topics later.

Dave Hill

Saturday, August 19, 2006

This Moment in Blue Öyster Cult

Say what you want, bitch, but one of my favorite rock songs of all time is "Burnin' For You" by Blue Öyster Cult. It's a rock song that has everything- it's really catchy, has sweet guitar riffs and solos, and has an awesome section where everyone sings "Aaaaahhhhh" all at once for maximum rock effect. The video is pretty incredible too. I really like how the band marches out in the beginning in silhouette as they all get in position to rock out like a bunch of motherfuckers. Pretty much every band around today could learn a thing or two from Blue Öyster Cult on the rock front. Anyway, if you have been living the Blue Öyster Cult-free lifestyle up until now, please do something about it and watch this sweet video right now. I guarantee it will make you want to grow a full mustache by the time it's over.

Dave Hill

Friday, August 18, 2006

Some Good Rock Music For You

While staying at my friend Dave’s house out west, I rediscovered a CD I hadn’t listened to in a long time, “Dragline” by Paw, in a pile of CDs he had laying around. It was great to hear it again. Paw was a great band from Lawrence, Kansas who released a total of three full albums before breaking up. A lot of folks describe them as a grunge band, but I think that’s selling them short. They had a whole other thing going on that set them apart from most other guitar-based bands way back in the ‘90s. My first band, Sons of Elvis, had a chance to play on a bill with them at Peabody’s Down Under in Cleveland in 1994 and it was a real treat. They rocked balls. And when Sons of Elvis fell apart, Pat, Tim, and I from the band got together with Paw singer Mark Hennessy a couple times to make some noise. Nothing ever came of it, but it was a lot fun.

Just out of curiousity, I Googled the band just before typing this and read that Mark Hennessy released a book of poetry called “Cue the Bedlam” a few months back. I’m sure it’s worth checking out. He is a talenented mofo. You can read about it here. And on the rock front, you can download my favorite Paw song “Couldn’t Know” right here. It’s too bad they are no longer rocking together, but as my grandfather used to say, all good things must come to an end. Still, I hope that’s not really true.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Getting Out Of Dodge, Which In This Case Is Los Angeles

After what feels like roughly six months here in Los Angeles (8 days on the Roman calendar), I am finally gearing up to head back to scenic Brooklyn for a few days. As much as I generally prefer to not be in Los Angeles, I’ve had a pretty good time here eating a lot and seeing a few friends and whatnot during my stay. I have to run around town this afternoon and pick up a few suitcases full of money before I go but after that I am off to the airport where I hope to fall into a deep coma until my plane shows up in NYC early tomorrow morning.

As far as the most recent round of ruling the fuck out of this place goes, however, yesterday I went to visit my friends Jenni and Ali on the set of an exciting new TV show they are making. It was a very Hollywood moment for me- lots of lights and cameras and people with headsets and clipboards and stuff. For some reason I kept being afraid that I would get in some big crazy chase across the set with a dog and a monkey and then a bunch of lighting rigs would fall over and there would be sparks everywhere and then some Hollywood starlet would get all mad at me because a bunch of mud or something got splashed in her face. And then everyone would stare at me and be all like “Dave! Dammit- you ruined everything! You are no longer welcome in this town! Just go!” And then I would just hold my hands up at my sides and have an embarrassed look on my face. Fortunately, however, I don’t have a dog or a monkey so I pretty much had to worry about just keeping myself out of trouble while they were making the TV show. It went pretty well.

The TV show was being made on the "Paramount lot", which is showbiz lingo for the big place where Paramount Pictures makes TV shows and movies and stuff. That is me standing there in the visitor parking area above. If you look closely, you can see a big water tower off in the distance that says Paramount Pictures all fancy on it. And then over my shoulder there is a big wall that is painted to look just like a blue sky with clouds in it. That is just one example of the magic of Hollywood, a place where pretty much anything is possible. They also have a lot of buffets (craft services they call them out here) where you can eat as much candy as you want, which is great for a guy like me, who really likes candy.

After watching my friends make their TV show, I went to have dinner with my new friend Kitten Natividad. Since we didn’t get to talk too much the night she was on my show out here last week, I thought it would be fun to hang out a bit and chat and whatnot. We ended up getting some sushi near her house and it was good times all around. She is an excellent person. I hope I see her again real soon. That is the two of us standing there and looking into the camera in the photo above. See how we’re smiling? That’s because it’s good times all the time when Kitten and I hang out, chatting and laughing and whatnot. She’s a sweetheart.

Okay, it’s off to the showers now for me. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Dave Hill

Monday, August 14, 2006

Still Ruling The F@#k Out Of Los Angeles

I have been in Los Angeles for almost a week now and- as you can probably imagine- I continue to totally rule the fuck out of this place. I did three shows last week, one little one and then two Dave Hill Explosions at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Hollywood. They weren’t my greatest shows ever, but I am not going to cut myself or anything. I am hoping that most in attendance were at least sufficiently kicked in the privates on some level or another.

My guests at the two Explosions were Russ Meyer film actress Kitten Natividad and author Lauren Frances on Thursday and Friday respectively. They were both excellent. Kitten asked me if I wanted to feel her boobs during the show and for reasons I am still trying to figure out as I type this, I declined. Dammit. Story of my life.

Aside from doing shows and not touching Kitten Natividad’s boobs, I have pretty much been stuffing my face the whole time I have been out west. I went to In-N-Out Burger one day last week, which was delightful as always. That’s the drive-thru menu above. I had a Double Double burger (or whatever it’s called), some french fries, and a chocolate shake. I am hoping to do it up again there sometime before I leave.

I also ate at Bob’s Big Boy restaurant last week, where I had pretty much their equivalent of the stuff I had at In-n-Out Burger plus a salad since I am one seriously healthy motherfucker. Afterwards, I went outside and stood in front of the Bob’s Big Boy statue out front, which was a big treat for me as you can see in the photo above. If you look closely, you can actually see me getting fatter as the photo was snapped. On a side note, when I was a youngster growing up in Cleveland, my grandfather used to take me and my brother and sisters to Bob’s Big Boy all the time, so this was kind of like a homecoming of sorts. People are still talking about it.

This weekend I headed down to my friend Kahlil’s house in Culver City. We had some pretty crazy times. On Saturday, we went to Little Tokyo, where we went to the two Giant Robot stores they have there. I bought a couple T-shirts, one with a drawing by artist Barry McGee on it and another with a drawing of Gaahl from the Norwegian Black Metal band Gorgoroth on it (I’m not sure who drew that one though). We also got some bubble tea, taro flavor to be exact (above). It is pictured above. As taro bubble tea goes, this batch was kind of crappy but I didn’t mind that much because bubble tea is one of those things I think I like the idea of more than actually ingesting it- kind of like scotch, lobster, or pickled meat products. If it doesn’t work out at least it was fun trying.

After our field trip to Little Tokyo, we went swimming in Kahlil’s pool. I almost never go swimming, so this was pretty exciting for me, you know, being fully submerged in water and all. As you probably guessed, that is a picture of me and Kahlil in the pool above. Despite appearances to the contrary, however, we are neither gay nor retarded (that much). Also, you can’t see it in the photo but Kahlil has this awesome pool cleaner thing that roves around the floor of the pool like a robot. It just cruises around and cleans the pool and I could totally watch it for hours. Damn- I wish I had a picture of that thing. It’s better than watching tropical fish or large construction equipment.

After going swimming for a while, Kahlil disappeared for a minute and then next thing we knew he was totally dressed as Spongebob Squarepants (Kahlil’s excellent wife Ginger made the Spongebob costume in her spare time and it is pretty incredible) and playing the drums. Talk about taking things to the next level- that is an example of that. I wish people got dressed up like cartoon characters with little-to-no warning more often in this world. There’s just no denying it would be a better place.

In other excitement, we went to that Cold Stone Creamery place not once, but twice over the weekend. I had never been before and wasn’t really sure what all the fuss was about but now I am totally getting it. They take some ice cream and then mix a bunch of crap into and then next thing you know you are totally loving that shit. Also, they mix everything up on a cold stone which I guess is how the place got it’s name. On the first visit, I got a large Peanut Butter Cup Perfection and the next time I got a small Coffee Lover’s Only, which was a mistake- I should have gotten the large again. If you’re gonna do something, DO IT. Getting a small ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery is like paying for a hooker and then only sticking your dick in halfway so you will feel less bad about the whole thing when it’s all over. It just makes no sense. Oh, wait a minute, I just reread those last couple sentences and realized I am a disgusting person. But hopefully you see my point.

Anyway, I really liked the Cold Stone Creamery place but I don’t think it will take the place of my Ben and Jerry’s habit or anything. I am more of a sit at home type when it comes to stuffing my face with ice cream. Plus, there isn’t one near my house in Brooklyn really so I think I am safe for the moment as far as having to buy a pair of fat pants go.

Now I am back in the scenic Valley at my friend Dave’s place and plotting my next move. I am sure it will be something incredible. I will keep you posted.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Bad News For Venom, Bad News For America

I just got word that Venom, the legendary English black metal masters, have had to cancel their entire North American tour due to “immigration problems,” which I’m guessing means someone somewhere decided that North America just couldn’t handle it, which- to be fair- is probably true. Anyway, in these crazy times we live in, I think it’s extra important that satanic metal bands like Venom come over to this increasingly lame land of ours and rock everyone’s balls off, which is to say- Dammit, we need Venom now more than ever. On the other hand, I’m kind of relieved that their tour got cancelled as I am going to be out of town when they were to have rocked New York City. It's selfish of me, I know, but it really works out better for me if Venom comes over here to kick everyone's asses later this year (Not that Venom should be catering to me specifically, but hopefully you see my point). Supposedly they are rescheduling their North American tour for September and I will be front and center and shirtless then, just rocking my ass off with Cronos and the other awesome guys from Venom, who probably won’t be wearing shirts either. In the meantime, we can all get a nice dose of the magic and majesty that is Venom here here. If you are at work right now, listen to the audio link really loud and if anyone complains just quit. You shouldn’t be working with a bunch of pussies who aren't down with Venom anyway.

Dave Hill

Ruling The F%#k Out Of Los Angeles

Yesterday I flew from scenic Eugene, Oregon to Los Angeles (with a super quick layover in San Francisco) and am now- as you can probably guess- ruling the fuck out of this place as I pretty much always do when I come here. I am doing two shows here this week of the Explosion variety so I am just gearing up for that at the moment. Other than that I am pretty much setting my sights on eating and stuff.

Last night I met my friend Gerry for dinner at a place called Piriya on Riverside in the Valley. It’s Gerry’s favorite place to get Thai curry. He’s usually right about this sort of thing and last night was no different. We had chicken skewers of some sort with peanut sauce as an appetizer and then had chicken with red curry and tofu with yellow curry for the main event. It pretty much ruled and was exactly what I needed after three days of debilitating gastrointestinal problems. I feel like I may be back on top (I will keep you posted). I meant to take a picture of all our food when it came out but I forgot so the picture above is of our plates when we were all done. As you can see, I didn’t finish all my rice, which is a part of my new low-carb approach to life. I am going to be a seriously lean motherfucker any day now. I can feel it. Actually, to be honest, I was just stuffed and couldn’t finish.

As far as getting around L.A. during my stay here goes, I Pricelined (yes, I know I am lame for just using that word as a verb in print) a car and got pretty much burned, as you can see from the photo above. The car I ended up with is a Chevy Aveso (I think), which is totally pictured above. It’s one of those cars you never see anywhere ever unless you try to bid $15 a day for a rental car and then totally end up pulling away with a Chevy Aveso. It’s pretty much a go-cart. If I run into even a garbage can or something it’s over for me I’m guessing. Fortunately, I have no pride or shame or any of those other things that might stop a person from driving a car like this so I’m sure I’ll do just fine. I do wish it had a CD player though so I could at least jam one of the sweet mix CDs I usually like to make for myself when I’m out here ruling this place. There’s a good radio station here though (I forget what it’s called but I think it’s 103.1 or very near that on the radio dial) on which Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols seems to be the DJ every time I turn it on. They play consistently good-to-great tunes the whole time so I can’t complain.

As for the rest of the day, I imagine I will have some sort of power lunch or another followed by an even more powerful dinner with all sorts of power conference calls in between. If things slow down at some point I imagine I will just go hang out with Lemmy or something. That’s just how it goes when I’m in this town and ruling the fuck out of this place.

Dave Hill

Monday, August 07, 2006

This Moment In Morrissey

Here's a pretty good video of Morrissey performing at the Pinkpop Festival, which- to my understanding- is a big summer festival in the Netherlands or something. The song he is performing is the Smiths hit "Panic" and it's pretty excellent. Not to get all music nerd on you, but the song borrows heavily from T. Rex's "Metal Guru" in a really great way, which makes it even better. Anyway, I hope Morrissey tours over here in the United States soon so I can check that shit out.

Dave Hill

A Nice DVD To Have

If you are looking for a DVD to buy and then take home and watch with your friends and/or loved ones, you should totally buy the recently released “Pee-Wee Herman Show: Live At The Roxy Theater” DVD that came out last month. Paul Reubens is pretty much the king if you ask me. I was excited to read recently that there are two Pee-Wee Herman movies in the works (“Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” still ranks as one of my all-time favorites. I remember laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe when I first saw it in the theatre.). This DVD is of Pee-Wee’s live show before he made any movies or did the excellent “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” TV show (which is now on Adult Swim I’m told). I believe it was an HBO special at one point or another. The show includes some excellent moments with Phil Hartman (R.I.P.) as Captain Carl too. Anyway, if you want to see the genius Paul Reubens/Pee-Wee Herman in his early days (1982), you should totally buy the fuck out of this DVD. And if you are not completely satisfied with your purchase you can kick me in the nuts.

Dave Hill

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I Am In Scenic Eugene

Today I write to you from scenic Eugene, Oregon, a place I have never been to before and- I am finding- with good reason. Actually, wait, no, I’m being too harsh. It seems like a very nice place but so far I have only seen the areas that are full of fast food restaurants and gas stations, which is to say that it looks like pretty much everywhere else in America when you are staying at a hotel right off the highway and nowhere near what might be called a city or urban-type area.

I am in Eugene taping more stuff for the soon-to-be-wildly-popular cable television program I am totally on. Unfortunately I have been experiencing not so fun gastrointestinal problems for the past 48 hours, which has left me a bit distracted from, well, pretty much everything. A few minutes ago, I made myself puke in the bathroom in an effort to clear/clean the slate as it were. All it seems to have done so far though is give me even more of a stomach ache and make my hotel room smell like puke. In fact, I’m guessing my room smells even more like puke than I actually realize since the smell of your own puke is just one of those things in life that you notice far less than other people. There are supposed to be some people showing up at my door in a few minutes though so I imagine I will find out then the true extent of the puke smell in my room. I will keep you posted.

I had hoped to take all sorts of incredible photos while I was here in scenic Eugene but for all the reasons stated above I haven’t taken that many. The first photo, however, is of a dollar store we- the crew and I- happened upon on our way into a grocery store where I bought some chewable Pepto-Bismol capsules that- as of this writing- have been largely ineffective. Anyway, I like how right below where it says “Dollar Store” it says “Everything’s $1.00” in case the whole Dollar Store thing wasn’t enough to clue you in on exactly what’s going on inside. Okay, well, I know it’s not really that funny or anything, but when you’re in a strange town and running to the bathroom every five minutes you gotta take your fun where you can get it.

Since the show I am taping stuff for isn’t on TV yet and I’m not allowed to spoil everything for millions and millions of people by writing too much about it here, I can’t go into a lot of detail about why I have a picture of the extremely large rubber band ball above. But I will say that I was totally in the guy who made this thing’s garage today and it was really something (as far as rubber band balls go anyway). Needless to say, it’s exactly this sort of thing that has helped to make Oregon #1.

I am supposed to go have dinner shortly, which I can only imagine will be followed by more trips to the bathroom for all sorts of reasons. Full details coming soon because you have a right to know.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The Dave Hill Explosion: TOMORROW Night at the UCB Theatre w/special guests Randy Cohen, Sophie Pollitt-Cohen, and Corn Mo

Attention People Of New York City:

It is so hot outside. I cannot stop talking about it. Anyway, I just wanted to remind you one last time that TOMORROW, Thursday, August 3 at 9:30pm I will be going against the advice given to me by the medical community and showing up at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (307 West 26th St. in Chelsea) for another round of good times in the form of the wildly popular Dave Hill Explosion, which is the show that I do there. I have been sitting here thinking about it for the past fifteen minutes or so and I have come to the conclusion that tomorrow night is going to be just plain electric. There is going to be clapping and dancing and singing and talking and dog bites and all sorts of other stuff that I cannnot even get into right now because- as mentioned earlier- it is really, really hot outside, so hot in fact that I have been acting out scenes from the Old Testament in front of my apartment because I am all sweaty and have dirt on my face and am dressed in bedsheets anyway so it seemed like a total waste not to. Do you ever get that way? Anyway, my exciting guests tomorrow include New York Times Magazine columnist Randy Cohen AKA The Ethicist and his daughter Sophie Pollitt-Cohen, co-author of the gripping and controversial tell-all The Notebook Girls. And then, in the taking it to the next level department, I am going to be breaking out musical guest Corn Mo, who is a total motherf$#ker (I mean that in a really good way). I really hope you can make it. It is going to be so great and not so hot in temperature because the UCB Theatre is air-conditioned, which is really great because it is so hot outside. You can reserve tickets free of charge (but you will have to pay for them when you show up. Dammit.) here.

Still thinking about how hot it is outside and seriously thinking about talking about it some more in the very near future,

Dave Hill

I Am Wildly Popular In Australia

Since I may never have occasion to address this topic again, I just wanted to point out that I am apparently wildly popular in Australia, which is great for me. Later this morning, I am going to do an interview on a wildly popular Australian radio station and everything. Anyway, as you can probably imagine, the folks are pretty excited about it. You can read the write-up/interview type thing featuring me and stuff here. My answers are not that great, but it was early in the morning and I was about to faint, so, um, anyway that’s my excuse on that. I will let you know how the exciting Australian radio interview goes. My thanks in advance to the people of Australia for making a difference in my life. I hope we get to talk about AC/DC.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

From The Hot As Balls Files

No, seriously, it is really, really hot outside. Am I right or am I right? Or am I right?

Dave Hill

Awesome Physical Fitness Update #2

I should probably just file this one under “Do Not Even Get Me Started On This Topic,” but as long as I’m sitting here in cool down mode I might as well bring you up to speed on what’s going on in my world at the moment: I have just returned from yet another seriously killer workout and I quite simply cannot stop talking about it.

Let me break it down for you.

I was just hanging out in my apartment enjoying a little Dave time when all of a sudden I was overcome with that familiar urge to totally take things to the next level. It was then that I knew I had no choice but to saddle up for yet another seriously killer workout. Rather than waste time thinking about it too much, I decided to just throw on one of the usual outfits I wear when it’s time to get ripped and head on over to the gym where I am totally a member (which is awesome).

As soon as I got to the gym I started waving my arms around and shouting “What up?” in a taunting manner to pretty much everyone I could make eye contact with, including that one chick at the front counter who checks IDs and hands out towels and stuff. After doing that for a couple of minutes, I headed on over to the free weights and picked up a couple ten pound dumbbells and started whipping that sh*t around like a couple of ragdolls. I’m guessing most people around me must have thought I was brought in to teach some sort of strength class or something but little did they know I was there to pretty much school everyone on the premises on every single aspect of physical fitness, not just being sweet at lifting dumbbells or some sh*t. Anyway, it was a pretty incredible feeling for me and- I’m guessing- everyone else too.

After giving everyone in the building a tutorial on free weights, I figured it was time to start bringing it like a motherf*cker on the abdominal machine. It seemed kind of unfair to be showcasing the six pack in a coed gym like that but I went ahead and did it anyway. My mistake. After just a few reps on the abdominal machine I could tell most of the ladies in the place were all wanting to have my babies and sh*t. And then I was like Yeah, I’d love for you to have my babies and sh*t but sorry, ladies, I really gotta focus on the abs right now. Sorry, that’s just the way life goes sometimes.

Once I finished pushing my abs to the limit, I decided it was Bicep/Tricep Time, which is a name I came up with for the time during which I work out my biceps and triceps. It’s pretty incredible. Anyway, to make that sh*t happen, I hopped on some machine with all kind of bars on it and just started working that sh*t like a motherf*cker. Man, I was using the f*ck out of that machine and it felt great. It was right around this time that I realized that I had once again somehow managed to have myself one seriously killer workout.

By this time I was all sweating and sh*t and totally needed that towel that the chick at the front desk had given me on the way in. I threw the towel around my neck and- since it looked pretty cool like that and everything- I figured it was time to call it a day and head on out before I got the urge to do some more reps or something.

Anyway, that should pretty much do it for me as far as staying ripped for the foreseeable future goes, but rest assured this motherf*cker will be up in this b*tch again in no time, working out and just staying ridiculously physically fit in general so much that it’s not even f*cking funny. I know it goes without saying, but I will keep you posted.

Dave Hill