Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Jimmy Kimmel Interview

Here is some more video excitement for you. This time around I am totally sitting and talking with Jimmy Kimmel, the popular talk show host from television. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Dick Dale And Children Of The Unicorn

Last night, one of my two unstoppable rock bands, Children of the Unicorn played at B.B. King’s over there on 42nd Street. Normally I’m opposed to rocking in such close proximity to an Applebee’s, but we had the opportunity to open up for surf rock legend Dick Dale (a/k/a the guy who plays the opening song to the popular “Pulp Fiction” movie in case you don’t know who he is already) so we were all like “Fuck it- let’s play across the street from Applebee’s.” It ended up being a really good time despite the fact that most people in attendance were busy eating chicken wings and discussing the fact that we were not Dick Dale during our set. Still, they clapped and yelled for us, which was all it took for us to continue unleashing the rock fury on their asses for, like, 35 minutes straight or something. The photo above is of me rocking out like I mean it. Thanks to Anya for sending it along.

After we finished rocking, I headed back to our dressing to hang out in post-rock show fashion (usually involves just sitting there drinking something and commenting on various aspects of the show while maybe also using a little profanity for dramatic effect). That went on for about ten minutes until Dick Dale took the stage. Since he was wearing a wireless guitar, he managed to run over to our dressing room and kick the door open while still playing his guitar to let us know we should come out there and watch him rock or he might kick our asses or something. I got the message and headed out to the side of the stage to watch the mayhem and was glad I did. Dick and his band rocked balls. Not too shabby for a 70 year-old. I took the photo above with my cell phone. As you can tell, Dick does not stop shredding for photo opportunities. I respect that.

After watching Dick and his band rock for a while, I snuck back to our dressing room to eat the complimentary hamburger the nice people at B.B. King’s gave me. After a few bites, however, I started to worry that Dick might come and kick open our dressing room door again and decided to finish my hamburger while watching some more from the side of the stage, thus violating my own rule of mixing rock music with food items. Still that beats getting your ass kicked by a 70 year-old man any day. Here’s to never really finding out for sure though.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 28, 2007

Rufus Wainwright On Letterman

Here is a video of Rufus Wainwright performing the title track from his excellent new album "Release the Stars" on the popular David Letterman program. I missed it when it was on television a week or so ago, but now- thanks to the magic of the Internet- we can all watch it again and again. Also, extra points to Rufus for sporting lederhosen, a bold move outside of Oktoberfest circles. I'm hoping it sparks a trend.

Dave Hill

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Warrendale And Stuff

Yesterday, I “beat the heat” by heading to the MoMA with my friend David to stare at some art and then watch the hit movie “Warrendale,” a 1967 documentary by Canadian filmmaker Alan King that focuses on a home for emotionally disturbed youths in Ontario. My thoughts:

For the first few minutes of the film, it was more like “Boringdale” but then it really kicked in and delivered in that way that you kind of hope documentaries about disturbed people always will- lots of kicking and screaming and profanity, etc. Particularly interesting were the “holding sessions” during which the counselors at the home would immobilize a disturbed youth when they were having an outburst of sorts so that they might be able to vent from a safe place. Of course the holding would usually serve to just further irritate the youth in question, which would lead to more “holding,” which in turn would lead to further outbursts, which in turn would lead to even more holding. You get the idea. Sometimes I felt like yelling “Just the let him go!” at the screen as if I were watching “The Last Boy Scout” or something but then I remembered that “Warrendale” was made in 1967 so the people in the movie wouldn’t be able to hear me anyway.

Also of note in the hit movie “Warrendale” was the fact that one of the adolescent girls in hit movie “Warrendale” was strikingly beautiful, exactly the kind of girl you’d dream of running into if you were an adolescent male who ended up in a home for the emotionally disturbed. I forget her name but I can’t help but wonder where she is now and if she’s just, like, still totally nutty but gorgeous. I guess that is the point of documentaries- to force you ask questions.

The thing I enjoyed most about “Warrendale,” however, was a scene in which all the emotionally disturbed youths gathered in a rec room with their counselors to smoke cigars and bet on a Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game. If you’ve ever wanted to see an 8 year-old smoke a cigar while swearing at a black and white television, run- don’t walk- to the MoMa to see this movie.

After watching “Warrendale,” David and I walked down to Koreatown to eat the fuck out of some food. Curiosity got the best of us and we ended up at a place called Todai, where they had an enormous all-you-can-eat buffet serving all sorts Japanese, Chinese, and Korean food that- based on our visit- appears to be most popular with Asian people and flip-flop-wearing frat boys. It was pretty solid but- as is usually the case with all-you-can-eat scenarios and me- I felt kind of dirty by the time it was all over.

David and I decided to work off dinner by walking rest of the way home. Along the way, we happened upon the phone booth in the photo above, which just so happened to have a large picture of me on it. Since I am a jackass, I asked David to snap a picture of me standing next to another picture of me. It was pretty great even though none of the people walking by as I posed for the photo seemed to pick up on the fact that I was the same guy as the guy on the side of the phone booth. I guess I will just have to go back.

By the time I got home I was pretty wiped out from all the walking and all the Asian food and all the emotionally disturbed youths, so I called it a night. I drifted off to sleep while watching “The Importance of Being Morrissey,” which- as the title suggests- is a documentary about Morrissey that aired on England’s Channel 4 in 2002. There were no “holding sessions” or 8 year-olds smoking cigars in this one, but still I recommend it.

In other news, this morning I went to the grocery store to buy some Lucky Charms only to find that the grocery store in question was out of Lucky Charms. At first I was all surprised but then I thought “Of course they’re out of Lucky Charms- that shit is motherfucking delicious!” In the end I bought a box of Cheerios and went home to enjoy a bowl of not-nearly-as-fun cereal. Dammit.

Dave Hill

Friday, May 25, 2007

The Greatest Thing Ever To Happen In North America

Do not even get me started on this topic.

Dave Hill

Guttenberg!: The Man

As hinted at in the previous post, last night I opened up for the excellent Inside Joke show over there at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on 26th Street. It was fun times. Host and close personal friend Carl Arnheiter’s guest last night was Steve Guttenberg, star of such films as “Police Academy” (a bunch of them), “Short Circuit,” Cocoon,” “Three Men and a Baby,” “Three Men and a Little Lady” and a bunch of others besides those. Steve was very charming and likeable and looks just like he did in all those movies I mentioned in the previous sentences.

Unfortunately, I had to miss the tail end of the show because some friends were in town from Cleveland and wanted to catch the Cleveland Cavaliers playing the Detroit Pistons in the NBA playoff-type things. I hadn’t watched a basketball game in a long time though, so that was fun times too. The Cavs lost, so that was negative but I did get to have some chicken wings. Also, I was happy to see that the Cavs ditched those teal jerseys that they had back in the ‘90’s (a time when every sports team seemed to be changing at least one of their team colors to teal for reasons I will never understand. Something about merchandising, I’m told.) in favor of the maroon and gold-based jerseys they had back in the days of my youth when anything seemed possible. The basketball players had better hair back when I was a kid too as I recall. That is something the current Cavs players might consider working on in the off season. Look at ‘70’s Cavs player Bingo Smith for example. We could all learn a lot from him and his hair:

Keep up the good work, Bingo, wherever you are.

In other news, today is Friday and anything seems possible. I should probably get things started by taking a shower though. Am I right or am I right? Okay then. That is all for now.

Dave Hill

Thursday, May 24, 2007

More Rocking, Dammit.

Thanks to Marianne, here is another clip of me rocking and shredding (set to face-irritating this time) with my rock band Valley Lodge over there at Fontana's again this past Saturday night. My singing is kind of off-key, but hopefully my low-grade joie de vivre makes up for it. Anyway, more shamelessness from me, Dave Hill. I hope you enjoy it.

Dave Hill

There Is No Escape

I was out for a jaunt in the neighborhood this morning when I happened upon the cab in the photo above. As you can clearly see, that ad on top of the cab features a photo of me in my starring role on the hit TV series “The King of Miami with Dave Hill,” playing now on the futuristic Mojo network. It is the second cab featuring a photo of me, Dave Hill, on top of it that I have encountered in the last 24 hours. I want my life back. Actually not really. Anyway, I think the cab driver was kind of weirded out by having me walk up to his car and snap this photo with my phone. I didn’t want to tell him that there was a photo of me on top of his cab because I know Anthony Hopkins probably doesn’t pull that kind of crap. I wanted to play it cool, take the photo, and then run home and blog about it endlessly in hopes that someone, anyone would read it and think that I somehow make a difference in this vast universe because I am on television, dammit. Um, okay, anyway, I just wanted to get that out of my system.

After I happened upon the cab that totally had a photo of me on top of it, I continued on my way back home. I stopped off to buy a couple bananas from a street vendor and quickly at the fuck out of those things. Now I am doing laundry and cleaning up my apartment because my friend Tim is visiting for a couple days and I want to create the illusion that I don’t live in squalor all of the time (which I pretty much do, though- to be fair- it is a glamorous and tasteful kind of squalor of my own design that just so happens to smell nice too). Later I will open up the Inside Joke show at the UCB Theatre (featuring guest Steve Guttenberg!) and then probably go out and drink something or another even though the medical community advises me otherwise. As for you, I hope you have a wonderful day. You seem nice.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Steely Danned

As you can see from the photo above, last night I took a vacation from my problems and went to see Steely Dan at the Beacon Theatre here in scenic New York City. Predictably, the show was crawling with lots of hot, young chicks. There were also a few older dudes with glasses and mustaches. Actually, now that I think about it it was mostly older dudes with glasses and mustaches, most of whom kept drunkenly singing the opening guitar riff to “Reeling in the Years” in between songs in hopes that the band would play their popular hit. Unfortunately for the guys with the glasses and mustaches though, it never happened. Me, I was okay with it.

You might not be able to tell from the photo above, but I totally wanted to bone one of the backup singers for Steely Dan. She was singing and dancing and looking really boneable, which is pretty much what one looks for in a backup singer I guess, and by about a couple songs into the show I was totally sitting there thinking “I totally want to bone that backup singer.” It was this kind of thinking that got me through those times in the show when Steely Dan decided to play a song I didn’t recognize.

Having seen such music veterans such as Barry White (twice), Neil Diamond, and Ozzy Osbourne in concert in the past (for real, this isn’t, like, some ironic sentence or anything), I’ve learned that if an artist is around for over 30 years there is usually a good reason for it and Steely Dan was no different. They were super good and even if you don’t really like Steely Dan you can’t help but think to yourself “You know, these guys are actually super good” at least for a moment before you go back to thinking about how much you want to bone the one backup singer.

An interesting thing about the Steely Dan concert was that most of the audience remained seated throughout the performance. I kind of enjoyed this since I had just eaten a bunch of scallops- something I almost never order- right before the show and was feeling like I might have an incident if I moved around too much. Occasionally, however, a drunk woman or two would get up and dance during one of Steely Dan’s more popular songs and look around the theater with an expression on her face that seemed to suggest “I am totally dancing to Steely Dan and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” Usually the people behind her would get all mad after a few seconds and have looks on their faces that seemed to suggest “How the hell am I supposed to see Steely Dan when they start playing ‘Reeling in the Years’ right after this? Sit down you drunk bitch or I’ll punch your husband right in his tweed blazer!” Eventually though Steely Dan would start playing some song that was never on the radio and the drunk lady would sit down and everything would be okay with everybody except for the fact that Steely Dan wasn’t playing “Reeling in the Years.” I was okay with that since I was really busy thinking about how much I wanted to bone the one backup singer and couldn’t really get bogged down about Steely Dan’s setlist as I had all sorts of imaginary boning to do throughout the show and that is really enough to keep one man busy.

Another interesting thing about the Steely Dan show is how much Walter Becker and Donald Fagen (the Steely Dan guys) looked like dentists who shop at Sam Ash on the weekend. Then again I guess they always kind of looked like that. Still, they rocked it and that’s what really matters in the end. Also, they are good at hiring highly boneable backup singers so there’s that too.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Hot Tub Club

Last night I went to see my friends Kurt and Kristen’s popular Hot Tub show at Piano’s over their on Ludlow Street. There was a really good crowd and it was good times all around. Kurt and Kristen were hilarious as usual and ate bananas throughout the show, which I thought was a really nice touch. Also performing were Heather Lawless, a New Zealander by the name of Guy Cooper, Rob Riggle, and a rock band called Meowster who had a bass player that used lots of reverb, which I really liked. Between that and the bananas I was pretty much transported. The other performers were really funny too. Kurt and Kristen will be doing their show again soon, so check that shit out if you haven’t already. Otherwise I will kick you in the nuts or something. I have to think about it.

In other news, if you haven’t grown tired of watching videos featuring me, Dave Hill, here on the magical Internet, go over to Bud TV and click on the square that says “Bassgrabbers.” It’s the first in a series of ten videos I did with the fabulous sketch group Dutch West. They play an English punk band and I play their English punk band manager. As you can probably imagine, mayhem and hilarity ensue. Plus, I have an English accent (or at least I try to) throughout the whole thing, so there’s some added excitement right there. Anyway, brace yourself.

And from the world of science, check out the crazy sea creature above. He is called the Dumbo octopus and lives at the bottom of the sea and probably has no idea he looks like some crazy Japanimation character. As octopuses go, he tests very high on the cuddle scale. For the record though, I am not really sure if this is a he. He very well may not have a donger. It’s hard to tell from this photo. I should probably flip it upside down or something. Anyway, if you want to read more about this guy and his friends, click here and let the excitement begin.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 21, 2007

Shred School

Okay, I realize I must be violating some sort of rule about how many videos of yourself you can post on your blog in one week, but my friend Anya sent me this video of me shredding with my band Valley Lodge this past Saturday at Fontana's and I just couldn't resist posting it here, dammit. The video is of the last minute or so of us playing our popular hit "Every Little Thing" to perhaps as many as 30 people at once. In the interest of full disclosure, I must point out that I'm not shredding to full capacity in this clip however. I would classify this as face-singeing shredding at best maybe. But rest assured, I did some full-on face-melting shredding as the show progressed. This was the first song of the night so I didn't want to send people off to the burn unit right out the gate. That's just not fair. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the clip on some level or another.

Dave Hill

Sunday, May 20, 2007

At The Rock Show And Other Topics

Last night my unstoppable rock band Valley Lodge played at Fontana’s over there on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. It was good times despite the rain outside and also the fact that- when you get right down to it- we are really not all that popular. Still, we got up and rocked it in our new power trio format and then another band, the Surreal McCoys (not to be confused with the band of the same name who used to play around New York City a bunch of years ago) from parts unknown, got up and played their rock songs and it was fun times all around. They let us borrow their equipment too, which was nice of them and exciting because they had Dr. Z amplifiers, which are made in my hometown of Cleveland and sound excellent. They look really cool too, as hinted at in the photo above. I have wanted to get a Dr. Z amplifier for some time now and now I want to get one even more, dammit. As long as we’re on the topic however, I should point out that the amplifier I usually use is an Orange AD 30 head from the ‘90’s which runs through an Orange 4x12 cabinet from the ‘60’s or ‘70’s (I forget which). Okay, there, I’ve gotten all guitar geekiness out of my system (and hopefully satisfied any guitar geeks that might be reading this somehow). I’m really, really sorry about that. It was uncalled for. I’m not sure what got into me.

Before the rock show, my bandmates Phil and Rob and I crossed the street to eat the fuck out of some dumplings at Dumpling House on Eldridge Street, where you can get five dumplings for a dollar. The dumplings were super delicious as usual but I have to admit their ridiculously low price always makes me a little suspicious. How do they do it?

After the rock show I hung out for a bit and drank a couple beers in keeping with the rock-n-roll lifestyle. Then I left and ate the fuck out of a slice of pizza with some friends at Rocket Joe’s on Delancey Street. I probably shouldn’t have eaten the fuck out of the pizza a couple hours after eating the fuck out of some dumplings but then I was all like “Fuck it!” and just did it anyway. This is just one more example of my “anything goes” approach to life.

In other news, I meant to write about this sooner but last weekend I watched the popular movie “The Departed” starring Hollywood’s Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, Martin Sheen, and Leonardo DiCaprio in the popular DVD format. I really enjoyed it despite the fact that the only two people in the movie that could hang onto their fake Boston accent for more than a couple words at a time were Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon (which I guess makes sense since they are both from the Boston area in real life). And I hate to ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it, but at the end of the movie Mark and Matt are the only two left and you’re all like “Great- I can’t wait until Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon go at it with their convincing Boston accents for a while!” But then before they have a chance to make that happen Mark Wahlberg totally shoots Matt Damon and he drops his groceries everywhere. Mark Wahlberg sneaks into Matt Damon’s apartment and is waiting for him with a gun and then when Matt Damon gets home and sees Mark Wahlberg with a gun he is all like “Oh, great- I guess I am dead now!” and he is right because then Mark Wahlberg totally shoots him and he is dead. It happened just like that.

Of all the stars in the hit movie “The Departed,” I liked Mark Wahlberg the best. Not only was he really good at talking like someone from Boston, but he also had really great hair in the movie. As if all that stuff weren’t enough, he’s also the guy that sang that “Good Vibrations” song (as Marky Mark), which people just can’t get enough of to this day no matter what they tell you. The impressive thing though is that Mark Wahlberg could totally bust out “Good Vibrations” any old time he wants but he never does and that’s what gives him the power in the end. He’s like a Buddhist or something. Keep up the good work, Mark. It has been noted.

Dave Hill

Another Video Featuring Me, Dave Hill

In keeping with my recent theme of posting videos featuring me, Dave Hill, on this blog, here is yet another one. This time around I am talking about my life as a "celebrity interviewer" for HBO. At one point, my producer Jaime steps into the frame and that's when the real excitement begins. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this behind-the-scenes glimpse into the incredible, incredible world of show business. It is really something.

Dave Hill

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Sarah Silverman Interview

A few months ago I interviewed Hollywood's Sarah Silverman for HBO and now it is totally on the Internet. Watch it now in your spare time!

Dave Hill

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Elevator Video

Hi. How are you? I am fine, thanks. Anyway, here is a video that I made with my pals at It is written by Woody, who has great hair, and features singing and near violence, so it pretty much has everything. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Chicken On The Run

I am in scenic Miami again for couple days only this time it is completely unrelated to my incredible television program ”The King of Miami.” This time I am shooting something that will appear on basic cable television on another channel and hopefully the people of North America will be really excited about it.

Speaking of exciting, yesterday I was standing in a Burger King parking lot in Miami and the big rooster above just came out of nowhere and started running around. He really added to the mayhem in a really nice way. When in doubt, throw a live chicken into the mix and see what happens. That’s what I always say. I tried to get closer to him to get a better picture but he wasn’t having it. Then again, I guess if I were running around just a few feet away from a restaurant that serves crown-shaped hunks of meat made from my relatives, I might not be all laid back about things either. Really, it’s tough to say.

Dave Hill

Saturday, May 12, 2007

If you are wild for the Internet like I am (and really, why wouldn't you be? There is so much magical content I am about to experience organ failure), please check out the popular new website is brought to by the popular HBO empire and features all sorts of entertaining videos and stuff to watch, including but not limited to videos of me talking to the stars of today, like Sarah Silverman, Jeffrey Tambor, Jimmy Kimmel, Rebecca Romijn, and a bunch more besides those. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Blowing The Whistle On Vital Dent! (Alternate Title: Vital Don't!)

Normally I don’t like to get all Carl Monday on people’s asses but- dammit- there is bullshit afoot and I must expose it. Here’s the story:

About a year ago, I walked into one of those Vital Dent places they have all over Manhattan. Unlike most dental offices, they operate out of storefronts and take walk-in customers. They offer a free check-up and cleaning with your first visit and then if you need more stuff done you have to pay for it. Since I hadn’t been to the dentist in about five years at this point (I am a disgusting and negligent person) and didn’t yet have a dentist in New York City, I figured walking into Vital Dent might be a good idea. I could get a free cleaning and figure out what other crazy shit might be going on. It was gonna be sweet.

The people at Vital Dent seemed nice and stuff. They checked out my teeth and X-rayed them and stuff and I was having a generally nice time. The bad news came when the dentist finally came in and told me they found six cavities that would need to be filled at a cost of about $1600. Also, since my teeth were so dirty, they refused to do the free cleaning because it wouldn’t really help much. Since I was broke at the time, I just left and figured I’d get the cavities fixed someday when I had some more loot.

Yesterday (approximately a year after my visit to Vital Dent) I decided to finally visit a dentist again. This time I went to my friend Chris’ dentist on Washington Square Park. I figured it was gonna be a bad day since I knew I had at least six cavities going for me already and probably more since another year had passed and all. The hygienist X-Rayed my teeth and cleaned them. It was a relatively painless process aside from gagging a couple times on those weird things you have to hold in your mouth during the X-Ray taking. Also, interestingly she told me that my teeth were in pretty good shape even though it had been so long since I’d had my teeth cleaned.

After the hygienist finished working her magic, the dentist came in and said “Well, I didn’t find anything.” I waited for him to finish that sentence with “except for twelve cavities” but he didn’t so I was all like “But what about the six cavities Vital Dent said I had?” He assured me that I had no cavities and laughed at the mention of Vital Dent, explaining that Vital Dent makes their money by filling cavities that don’t exist.

So I guess the moral of the story is that the Vital Dent people are lying liars who prey upon people like me who don’t know any better (actually maybe that’s not so much a moral but just what happened). Fortunately I was broke at the time and didn’t let them fill my fake cavities. I guess what I am trying to say is that Vital Dent can suck it. Motherfuckers trying to take Dave Hill’s money and shit. They better watch it or I might kick them in the nuts and then bite them with my healthy teeth. Fuckers are going down.

Dave Hill

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A Video I Just Put Up On That Damn YouTube

Hi. A while ago I made a video at Fashion Week in New York City for the popular Radar Magazine. I just put it up on YouTube. I hope you enjoy it so much.

Dave Hill

Type O Negative Song I Really Like

Here is a song I discovered on Brooklyn Vegan last night during another sleepless night of battling plague-like symptoms. It’s by Type O Negative, a band I historically could have gone either way on. But this song, ”I Don’t Wanna Be Me” from their "Life Is Killing Me" album is pretty unstoppable. Anyway, I hope you like it. It’s really catchy and probably fun to listen to while driving around town.

In other music news, I have been listening to “Mic City Sons” by Heatmiser, Elliot Smith’s old band, a lot the past few days. It comes Dave recommended.

Dave Hill

Monday, May 07, 2007

Dinosaur Jr. On Letterman

Here is a video of Dinosaur Jr. playing "Almost Ready" from their new album "Beyond" on Letterman last week. I missed it the first time around, but thanks to the magic of the Internet I can watch it over and over again. I hope you like it. It's pretty inspiring. Lots of shredding too, which is always good. Dave seemed to like it too but didn't walk over to shake their hands at the end. I guess he is getting lazy in his old age. He is still the man though in my opinion, so I forgive him.

Dave Hill

Near Death And Other Topics

I have been experiencing plague-like symptoms for the past six days now. I think it is the flu or something not unlike the flu. I am enjoying the weight loss but the puking and other stuff is not so much fun after the initial thrill has warn off. I am a walking miracle. I could go at any time.

In other news, I would like to remind you that my incredible television program “The King of Miami with Dave Hill” debuts tonight on the futuristic MOJO network at 9:30pm. I hope folks like it. The media blitz is under way. Earlier this morning, I did a radio interview with WNCX, the classic rock station in Cleveland. Being from Cleveland and all, I was looking forward to it and hoped it would go well. Unfortunately, it went pretty horribly. I’m not really cut out for the high-energy morning zoo type radio setting and they got rid of me pretty quickly. My sister called to let me know that they trash talked me for a while afterwards, saying how they would never watch my show, etc. My sister also said she thinks they didn’t understand the way I talk (slower than most people, I’m told) and were confused and maybe thought I was stoned or something. Oh well, I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. Oh, and also they can suck my massive balls.

In still other news, I have spent the past couple weeks shooting a web series with the excellent sketch group Dutch West for Tribeca Productions, the company owned by the “Meet The Fockers” guy. It was tons of fun. I played an English guy, which was a stretch for me, being a Cleveland guy and all, but I did my best. A couple days of the shoot were spent in and around Woodstock, New York, where I happened upon a pile of discarded road cases once used by Todd Rundgren during his Utopia period. Apparently the guy whose tour bus we were renting for the shoot (the shorts are about a punk rock band) used to work for Todd (presumably at his peak, since there were shitloads of these road cases and they were huge). There was something nice about being around Todd Rundgren’s road cases. I felt safe for some reason, like everything was going to be okay. Thanks, Todd.

Later on the same day I happened upon the Todd Rundgren road cases, I happened upon a shitload of radiators wrapped in heavy plastic and labeled “Canada.” It kind of blew my mind. Were the radiators from Canada or were they going to Canada? And why were there so many of them? The mind boggles.

Okay, I am going back to having the flu. More updates on assorted subject matters later.

Dave Hill

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

New Dinosaur Jr. Record

Yeah! Go buy it.

Dave Hill

The King Of Miami Cometh

Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this coming Monday (which ends up being May 7, 2007), a television show starring me and my friend Phil Costello (in the role of "Phil") called "The King of Miami with Dave Hill" is totally going to be on television for the very first time at 9:30pm on the futuristic new television network Mojo, which comes to you in the futuristic high-definition television format (which is really, really something and even sometimes overwhelming). If you ever see those bus and taxi ads for the television version of the Howard Stern Show, Mojo is the channel that that show is totally on. There- I have put it in perspective for you (and also hopefully given more legitimacy to me and my television program by putting both in context with someone much more famous than me. This kind of insecurity is not uncommon in my industry, which is the industry of show business). Also, it has come to my attention that I myself am on one of those taxi ads as I type this, which makes me really want to run out and get in one of those taxis. Then- just when the driver has gone a few blocks- I will lean forward and say "Alright, let's just get this out of the way- yes, it's me. I know this must be kind of weird for you. Just do your best to keep your eyes on the road. If you would like, I could just come sit up front. I know I would feel safer..." As it turns out, I am also on phone booths and shit too. For example:

That is crazy. Maybe now my parents will stop yelling at me to get a job and stuff.

Anyway, if you have high-definition cable television in your home (It is my understanding this is required to get the Mojo channel.), then I would encourage you to watch my program, of which there are six different mind-bending episodes that will hopefully air repeatedly to the point where you maybe wonder whether there is ever anything else on the channel. I personally do not have high-definition cable television in my home, so I also encourage you to welcome me into your home to watch along with you. We can sit there and laugh and point at the screen every time I am on it (which is most of the time, per my contract) and then afterwards I will dazzle you with wild behind-the-scenes tales from the making of my incredible television show (There is this one about a mixed-up coffee order that I can barely get through sometimes because it is so hilarious in its retelling). Then we will laugh and eat and drink some more (Nothing fancy- I am easy. TV Dave likes all the same stuff that regular Dave used to like, just more of it.) and then at some point I will announce my exit and you will walk me to the door even though I insist that you not get up. After we have said our goodbyes, you will close the door behind me and marvel to yourself and/or your roommate and/or significant other and/or the night about how I am still the same old great guy I always was even though I now have my own television program and could probably be hanging out with people far more famous than you but I choose not to because it simply is not about that for me. Besides- summer is just around the corner and I will be Hamptons-ing it up in no time, so what do I care? But enough about me. I really hope YOU get the chance to watch my show next week. In the meantime, why not watch the futuristic music video my friend and co-star (but- to be fair- I am on the show a LOT more than he is. Even he will tell you this. It cannot be debated.) Phil and I made to help promote our incredible television program? I hope you enjoy it cuz here it is again, dammit:

Oh yeah, you can also watch clips of “The King of Miami” at the futuristic website of Mojo (the futuristic network referenced earlier) located at here.

Okay then, thank you for your time. Who is the best? You!

Your man,
Dave Hill AKA the King of Miami AKA the star of the television program of the same name

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Chinese Food And Ice Cream And Stuff

Last night I ate dinner in scenic Chinatown with my friends David and Kristen at Big Wong on Mott Street, which is one of the greatest restaurants in North America even though the people who work there make you feel like they’d much rather you not be sitting there in their restaurant. If you can get past that (I do every time), you have a great meal ahead of you.

Originally we were going to eat at Veselka in the East Village but then Kristen broke it to me and David that she had eaten there the night before so we decided to head south to Chinatown. It was a good move as Big Wong pretty much kicks the crap out of Veselka even though Veselka is already pretty excellent and serves completely different food so it doesn’t make much sense to compare the two but whatever.

At Big Wong we ate big piles of pork, duck, soy chicken, steamed dumplings, Chinese broccoli, and some sort of gooey, noodley seafood dish that was still pretty good despite the way I just made it sound. Whenever I go to this place all I can think about is how I might manage to cram even more food into my mouth and last night was no different. This is how I maintain my trademark softness.

At one point during dinner, I had to use the men’s room and discovered a woman hosing it down with a garden hose. Since she had just cleaned it and all, I knew I had to be on good behavior because any paper or anything on the floor and she would totally know it was me. I mention this not because I usually make a mess out of restaurant men’s rooms (that I know of), but it is nice to have the option generally speaking.

After throwing down at Big Wong, David, Kristen, and I headed over to the nearby Haagen Dazs store only to discover it had closed for the night. We adjusted quickly by heading over to the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory, where we all got reasonably sized cones. I had the mocha chip. I also wanted to get a T-shirt there but they didn’t have my size in the color I wanted so fuck it.

Usually the combination of Big Wong followed by ice cream gets quite the party started in my gastrointestinal system and last night was no different. I’m not sure why I do this every time. I guess I just like to live on the edge (of incontinence). Nothing sprinting through the streets of Manhattan at night.

After parting ways with David and Kristen I headed over to the the UCB Theatre to perform in the late night Monday show Crash Test, which is usually hosted by the unstoppable Aziz Ansari but last night was hosted by the unstoppable Fabrice Fabrice (AKA Nick Kroll). Fabrice was incredible as always. Seth Morris and James Smith were also on the show and both were super funny. I did my best to entertain despite my compromised state. By the time the show was over it was pretty late, so I headed home to stare at the walls for a while and also type on the Internet and stuff. Really, I don’t know how I do it sometimes. If you have managed to read this far, I both thank you and apologize. You are the best. Let’s get a snack some time.

Dave Hill