Interview With Me, Dave Hill, On The Popular MarriageDoesntSuck.com Website

If you find yourself with some spare time on your hands (and, once again, if you are reading this right now that would appear to be the case. I mean, no offense- I’m glad you’re reading this and all. I’m just saying.) you should totally go here and listen to this interview I just did with Sage and Hella, who are both married and do a popular Internet radio show called Marriage Doesn’t Suck. It’s pretty much just me rambling with them about assorted topics, but if you are feeling really alone today and want to not feel alone, well, maybe this is the perfect solution for you. Or you could just listen to music or something. Really it’s up to you. I’m just putting it out there. You seem so nice.

Dave Hill

Thin Lizzy Sunday

It’s Sunday, a good day for coffee-drinking and laundry-doing and whatnot. I am drinking coffee and was thinking about doing laundry but then was all like “Fuck it- I’ll do that shit tomorrow or something. Dave’s got too much living to do today.”

Anyway, speaking of living and whatnot, here is an awesome song and video by Thin Lizzy, one of the greatest bands of all time hands down. The song, “The Rocker,” is much longer on the album and has lots more sweet shredding, but this version still rocks balls and is probably my favorite song by the band from their days as a trio, before they got the twin guitar action happening and just stepped all over everyone’s nuts once and for all. The guitar player in this video is Gary Moore, who is awesome. However, it should be noted that he is faking it in this video because this song was actually played in the studio by Eric Bell, Thin Lizzy’s elusive first guitarist who left the band in 1973 because the rock-n-roll lifestyle was beating him down like a motherfucker. Big mistake, Eric.

Dave Hill

In Fact, Not In Kansas Anymore

Today I write from a big plane flying somewhere between Kansas City (Missouri I think, not the Kansas state one, though that is nearby) and New York City. I have spent the past couple days in Kansas, the state, shooting something for the popular Current TV network, which is on cable. I stayed in Topeka, Kansas, which was about an hour from the airport, and then, yesterday, shot a story about an awesome guy who- according to him, his mother, and a small but loyal group of followers anyway- is the pope of the Catholic Church (photo above). I can’t go into it too much right now because I have to let the story do the talking when it ends up on television, but you can get a better sense of things at Pope Michael’s website, which is located here. Anyway, as pope’s go, he is a pretty awesome and incredible guy. I hope I get to hang out with him and his mother and eat chili again some day real soon, just like I did yesterday.

Aside from hanging out with the pope and his mother, most of my time in Kansas was spent eating a lot. One night I went to a BBQ restaurant near the airport that I can’t remember the name of. Unfortunately, I wasn’t super hungry so I didn’t get to throw down like a motherf*cker and eat a whole bunch or anything, but I did eat some ribs and that was nice. I like ribs and- for whatever reason- I pretty much only eat them while travelling and ending up at some BBQ restaurant in Kansas or something. I’m not sure why that is. Ribs are generally pretty awesome. I’m thinking about putting them into the rotation.

Last night, I ate with all the television people at Old Chicago, a pizza place in Topeka that has 110 beers on their menu. Since I like drinking stuff, I was reasonably excited about it. The weird thing is though, when you get right down to it, 110 beers isn’t really that many. I mean, it is generally speaking, but once you start going through the list then you’re all wishing they had something they don’t have on the menu. It’s almost better if they have just six beers or something so you could just accept it and move on. At least that’s how it is with me anyway. Then again, I’m a major a-hole.

After dinner, there was more work to be done as I had to record a bunch of voiceovers for the TV show. It’s funny how it gets much harder to talk in my television voice (significantly louder and with less mumbling than my normal, hanging-out voice) once I’ve had a few drinks. I have a tough enough time talking as it is, but once the drinks were thrown into the equation it was nearly impossible to speak with the clarity America deserves. I am not proud of this. Do not live by my example, whether you are in show business or not.

Also in Kansas, not surpisingly, I saw lots of adorable cows and horses. There were even a lot of baby cows- calves, they call them- hanging out with the big cows and horses. Talk about adorable. Do not get me started on this topic. I wanted to get out of the car and just pet them and pet them until a farmer or someone might run up to me and was all like “Hey, you- get away from that animal.” Then I’d just go back to the car I guess. A lot of times people see baby cows and want to take them home with them (not unlike in the hit movie “City Slickers,” starring Hollywood's Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, and Jack Palance) but then after a while the baby cow gets all big and the person is all like “Shit, I have a cow in my house and I am not entirely sure what to do about it.” The moral of the story is this: if you ever see a baby cow and are thinking of taking it home with you, don’t. Instead, just stand there and pet it for a while until you get it out of your system. Someone might come along and yell at you but- trust me on this one- that is a lot less of a hassle than totally have a big cow in your house, a situation that comes with its own set of problems that I won’t even get into right now.

Okay, that about covers it until next time.

Dave Hill

Dave-Related Shit To Do This Weekend Here In The Big City

If you are looking for something fun and exciting to do this Saturday and/or Sunday night and you live in the exciting New York City area, you should totally come to this thing I am doing in historic Williamsburg called the Post-It Note series. I went before when I wasn't in it and had a seriously good time. I am in the show this time, so now I can only imagine how much more fun it will be. Then again, maybe I will have a horrible experience and decide to leave show business altogether after this one. It's tough to say really. Anyway, click on the image above and you can get the details. Basically, a bunch of writers write these stories and then the talented artist Arthur Jones illustrates the stories on Post-It notes that are then projected onto the walls at Monkeytown (the place where this thing is happening) while the writers that wrote the stories read them in front of the people who in turn sit there eating and drinking and generally having a good time. It happens twice each night and in between shows I imagine I will just get something to eat or something. I will also be available for lengthy, heart-to-heart conversations about everything and nothing at all. Just don't touch my food or I'll freak the f*ck out.

If watching people read is not your thing, you can come see my sweet rock band Valley Lodge later on Saturday night. We're playing at a Halloween party of sorts being thrown by a burgeoning pickle company at a place called Freddy's in Park Slope. To review: Halloween, my sweetass rock band, and pickles. Okay, so there's that. It is going to happen right after I finish reading my story for the second time on Saturday night. The full details are available by clicking on that photo above. Holy sh*t is it going to be awesome.

And finally, on the glamour front, above is a photo of me at this crazy party I went to last week. I am extremely disturbed by how much my head is too big for my body. Seriously, I mean, I knew it was big, but what the f*ck?

Dave Hill

Get Schooled By Saint Vitus

In case you were looking to do some rocking out today (And, really, why wouldn’t you be?), I thought I would point you in the direction of the f*cking sweet rock band St. Vitus. Described by some as a doom metal band, they were from Los Angeles and formed in 1979. They rocked balls Black Sabbath-style and released most of their album’s on Black Flag guitarist Gregg Ginn’s SST label (which was also home to the Minutemen, Dinosaur Jr., Husker Du, Bad Brains, and a bunch of other sweet bands at various points in their careers). St. Vitus had monster riffs and monster mustaches and were not to be messed with. They had a handful of different singers over the years (most notably Wino from the Obsessed), but here the mic is rocked by Christian Linderson. Improve your life by rocking out to St. Vitus right now or I’ll kick you in the nuts. Dammit. If you'd like to keep the sludge coming, you might want to check out Saint Vitus guitarist Dave Chandler's new band Debris Inc. This band also comes Dave Hill-approved.

Dave Hill

Thought For The Day

Why is it that the smaller the dog and the coarser its hair, the better it is at solving crimes?

Dave Hill

I Am In A Video Made By The Mysterious LVHRD Organization. Watch It Now. I Mean, Hey, Why Not? Am I Right Or Am I Right? Or Am I Right?

Not too long ago, I hosted a futuristic and at times violent acting competition that was put on by the fine people at LVHRD (pronounced “live hard.” The vowels have been removed for any number of reasons that I don’t claim to understand), an organization that “seeks to unite creative individuals that have a passion for change, a willingness to succeed and the determination to overcome conventions,” which is really great. Anyway, in keeping with their asskicking ways, the LVHRD people made a video chronicling the acting competition that I hosted and I am totally in the video talking and whatnot. One might even say that it is a profile of me or something (if you ignore all the other people in it and stuff, that is). How about that? Anyway, if you feel like sitting there and watching stuff that includes me, Dave Hill, then you can do that right here. Oh, also the drawing above has something to do with the acting competition in case you are confused. Maybe you were sitting there all like “What the fuck is up with that drawing of the hands and arms and stuff? It is confusing to me and I don’t like that. Why is everyone out to get me? And what are all these cuts on my arms and legs? I smell bacon. Do you smell bacon? I am so far away from home and I don’t know how I got here. I hear footsteps.” Anyway, you should not be made to feel this way. I just wanted to clear that up.

Dave Hill

David Rakoff On The Daily Show

A week or two ago, my close personal friend and author David Rakoff was on the Daily Show promoting the paperback release of his excellent-as-fuck book “Don’t Get Too Comfortable.” He was awesome on the show and I am not just saying that because we are close personal friends, as mentioned in the first sentence of this entry- I am saying that because it is true. Anyway, you should totally watch the fuck out of this video right now and then go buy the fuck out of David’s book. Then you should go home and read the fuck out of it.

Dave Hill

Trouble Wednesday

Yesterday, like most other days, I spent some time thinking about metal and listening to metal and then finally reading about metal. It was then that I happened upon a news item about the band Trouble. Trouble were a Black Sabbath-inspired band from Chicago that made (I think) six albums during the 80’s and 90’s. They always had cool riffs and awesome hair. And, best of all, their guitar players both played Flying Vs, the official guitar of dudes that aren’t fucking around when it comes to rocking the fuck out.

This is the video for Trouble’s song “Memory’s Garden.” It’s got a psychedelic Beatles kind of verse and then the Flying Vs kick in and you know these guys are just all about fucking your shit up. I hope you enjoy it.

Speaking of Trouble, as it turns out, the band is back together again and have a new album coming out next year. Hopefully they will do some touring too. It’s good to have a band like Trouble around to show all the suckass bands out there what it really means to rock the fuck out. So there. Take that, Panic! At The Disco. You’re mothers called. They want you to rake the leaves. Pussies.

Speaking of even more trouble, last night for dinner I ate some pork-covered nachos, some onion rings, a pile of cole slaw, a half a slab of ribs, and then a sampling of three desserts, including mini ice cream sandwiches, key lime pie, and chocolate mousse. This morning I woke up at 5:30am and puked all over the place. Go figure. Anyway, I hope you all learn something from this.

Dave Hill

Walter Rocks It Acoustic

My Germany-living friend Walter Schreifels recently recorded an acoustic set for AOL and I am recommending that you check that shit out right now right here. For the uninitiated, Walter has rocked it in such bands as Gorilla Biscuits, Quicksand, Rival Schools, and Walking Concert and then a bunch of other bands besides those too. Here he rocks a bunch of songs from all of those bands plus a few solo hits. In the photo above, Walter appears to be sitting in a classroom of some sort, but you're the one who's gonna get schooled by his excellent rock music. So check that shit out now cuz Walter is ruling the fuck out of it.

In other Walter-related news, recordings from his elusive pre-Quicksand band Moondog have finally been made available to the masses here. Download it, put it on your iPod, and then when someone is all like “What are you listening to?” tell them “Suck it- I’m listening to Moondog. Now get out of my way before I kick you in the nuts.” That’s how you do it.

Dave Hill

The Dave Hill Explosion In Review

As hinted at in the Scandinavian press, last Thursday I had another one of my Dave Hill Explosions happen at the UCB Theatre here in New York City. It was fun and crazy times. My guests were Sandra Bernhard and Joan Wasser, both of whom were amazing in very different ways. Sandra came out and just started tearing it up, so much in fact that I think some audience members were a bit frightened at times. I was admittedly a little scared a couple times myself, but I loved her completely. As you probably guessed, the photo above is of me and Sandra chatting and whatnot. Thanks to the lovely Lady Bunny for that photo as well as the excellent one below. Speaking of whom, I am hoping to have Lady Bunny on my show in December, so brace yourselves.

Joan Wasser was incredible too. She played two songs on piano, “Real Life” and “The Ride,” and I was loving that shit big time. Her songs are beautiful and she is beautiful- all and all a deadly combination for someone like me, who is defenesless against such things. Anyway, you can hear Joan here. I am going to see her play tomorrow night at Tonic and am pretty excited about that shit.

Also on the show last Thursday was Little Michael Jackson, who once again took things to the next level (I don’t have a photo of him but you can get a taste of the magic here) and Starlet, a gravity-defying Chihuahua belonging to my friend Holly, who runs a small dog rescue operation (the dogs are small- I cannot speak to the size of the rescue operation as I do not really know) called Waggytail Rescue that I encourage you to support however you can. Who knows- maybe you’ll even get a sweet little dog out of it. Wouldn’t that be nice? I mean, it probably wouldn’t be able to moonwalk or anything, but still.

Dave Hill

Wired NextFest And How I Totally Went To It And Also Made A Video About It

Roughly eight or so days ago, I attend the WIRED NextFest at the Jacob Javits Center here in New York City. It was a four-day event that pretty much focused on crazy stuff from the future, like robots and cars that look really crazy because you can’t figure out where the engine is and stuff. There were were no people in silver suits or four-course meals made available entirely in pill form, however, but still I managed to have a decent time. Anyway, my friend Brendan and I made an exciting video documenting the whole thing for Radar Magazine. You can watch that shit like a motherfucker right now here. Tell all the kids. It would make me so happy.

Dave Hill

The Dave Hill Explosion w/Sandra Bernhard + Joan Wasser At UCB Theatre TOMORROW Night

Attention People Of New York City:

Hi. How are you? Really great, I hope. Anyway, I was just writing to remind you one last time that TOMORROW night, Thursday, October 5 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (in historic Chelsea!) I am going to be making full use of my allotted stage time with a reasonably priced 45 minutes or so of entertainment I like to call The Dave Hill Explosion. Talk about one for the F#&k Yeah files, well this is totally an example of that. Imagine, if you will, a show that combines the raucous good times of the hit Broadway musical Hairspray with the on-the-edge-of-your-seatness of a Haitian cockfight. Now throw in a knife-throwing competition, a raffle, and a moving tribute to the 1980 United States gold medal-winning Olympic ice hockey team through dance and you are starting to get the picture. As if all that is not enough, I am going to be joined on my popular show by the lovely and talented star of stage and screen, actor/comedian/singer Sandra Bernhard, whom you no doubt know from her work in a million different things, as well as the lovely and talented songwriter/violinist/pianist/guitarist/chanteuse Joan Wasser a/k/a Joan As Police Woman, who- in addition to her excellent solo work- has played with everyone from Rufus Wainwright to Antony and the Johnsons to Lou Reed to Nick Cave to the Scissor Sisters. So there. Man, is this going to be a hot time. I can feel it. I made posters and everything. I really hope you can make it. You can reserve a ticket at no cost to you or your loved ones (you only have to pay if you actually show up) here.

Your man,
Dave Hill

The Best Movie Ever

Last night I watched the incredible documentary “Grey Gardens” for the first time. I'm kicking myself for not having watched it sooner. I still have to watch the end but I can already tell you it’s pretty much the best movie ever. In case you haven’t already seen it or heard about it, it chronicles the awesome lives of Edith Bouvier Beale and her daughter Edie, who are the aunt and cousin of Jackie Onassis. Together they live in squalor with cats and raccoons in a dilapidated 28-room mansion in East Hampton and are just pretty entertaining in general every second they are on screen. You can read a more official description here. Anyway, the movie has already changed my life. I felt like I was staring at my future while watching it- and I loved it! Pretty much everything the daughter, Edie, says should be printed on a T-shirt or something. It’s just that great. Please go watch it as soon as possible.

Dave Hill

Adam Shaw The Mediocre Magician

Here is a cartoon by my man Ben Schwartz. It is short and funny, not unlike Billy Barty in his prime (Get it?). Also, I wrote and recorded the theme song. It's not my finest musical moment but it was fun to do. Speaking of musical moments, go listen to my rock band Valley Lodge while you're sitting there on your computer. See how I did that?

Dave Hill

Dio Monday

Here is something to get your week started off right- an excellent video for Ronnie James Dio's "Holy Diver." Swords, fire, guys in hoods- this video prety much has everything. And, of course, the song is excellent too. Rock this shit now, thank me later.

Dave Hill